Havoc
by suki1916
Summary: She was in trouble. Again. But it was going to turn out far worse than she bargined for. Maybe, in the end, it would turn out far better than she expected.
1. Addicted to Chaos

**A/N: This idea kinda popped into my head yesterday and I just let it flow. Basically, Haley and Peyton are best friends who like to cause trouble. Their newest destruction thrusts them into the lives of the people they very despise. If you like nice and innocent Haley I suggest you consider what you're about to read. **

**A/N2: Background info: I guess you could call it AU, slightly. All the characters are slightly out of their usual realm and I find that fairly interesting. Nathan and Lucas have the same background info and anything about Haley, Peyton, and everyone else while be told you to. This first chapter is told in Haley's POV but I'll probably change the POV to fit the story. **

**A/N3: Enjoy. Read and Review.**

Addicted to Chaos

Haley POV

I sat in the uncomfortable chair, one knee propped up exposing my knee cap through my ripped and faded jeans. I let most of my hair hang up with thick stands of my auburn locks brushing across my face. I sat, pen in hand, drawing on my jeans glancing back and forth between my art and the slightly balding man in front of me sitting behind the desk.

I was in some deep shit.

And I could care less.

"Miss James, I suggest you take this seriously."

"Dude, I totally am." I retorted looking directly into his eyes.

"Do you have any idea what a mess you caused?"

"Well that was the intention."

"And you Miss Sawyer. What do you have to say?" he asked turning his attention to the blonde next to me picking at the tip of her Converse. She glanced up and rolled her eyes before returning back to her shoes.

"She doesn't talk." I interjected. "Well at least not to you. "

"I've tried to help you the best I can ladies." He sighed and I couldn't help but scoff. Ladies? Please. "But I've reached the end of my rope. You're parents will have to be notified of this behavior."

Parents? Please. Good luck with that one buddy. I could count on one hand how many times I've seen my parents in the last _year_. Doing God knows what in places I can't even pronounce. I think that after five kids they had to recapture their youth. I just don't think that they considered they had one more kid to raise.

But maybe that was for the best.

I am hardly a tutor girl; that role is reserved for my sister Taylor. I'm hardly a saint and I despise rules and any kind of order. I am a firm believer in loopholes and the knowledge that rules _can_ be broken. You tell me to sit and I stand. You tell me to stand and I jump. And if you tell me to jump, well maybe, just maybe, I might.

Peyton's parents were a completely different story. Well parent. Mom. She would be here in two seconds flat. Anna, her mother, was truly an angel. And I say that with the utmost disgust. Peyton treated her like shit and Anna just took it. I guess you're suppose to when you love your kid and she's all you've got.

Peyton wasn't always like this. She was an adorable little angel too at one point. Which, by the way, I totally made fun of. Then about two years ago she cut off all her hair and straightened it, dyed it black and grey, and stopped speaking to everyone. Turns out, Peyton's father didn't think the two women in life were angels. Or enough for that matter.

So I'll admit, I felt bad for her and I took her in. And we became inseparable. I guess you could call us best friends without all the emotion shit that goes with it. I didn't cry about my parents not loving me and Peyton didn't bitch about her dad leaving her. It worked out well on both parts.

She taught me how to draw fairly decent and I tried to teach her how to sing. And drive. Neither of which she can do very well. We had each other's back. When someone tried to move in on my guy Peyton kicked her ass. And when someone tagged her locker with the word 'DYKE', well I caused a riot.

We weren't that wild I would say. I mean yeah, we did damage and had fun but I guess we weren't as bad as some other people. Yeah, we drank and hooked up but it was harmless fun. Nobody got hurt in the long run. Well, at least I didn't think so at the time.

So what exact kind of damage did we do? I guess the more correct question to ask is what didn't we do. I mean there were the fire alarms and the crank calls. Oh the laxatives in the teachers coffee. There was the time we stole the principal's brand new Porsche; only to wreck it and end up in juvy for four days. Or there was that time we stole a pig from Mr. Johnson's farm and let it run loose in the girl's locker room.

Now all that stuff is bad. What did we do this time?

We toilet papered the gym.

Now ask me why the principal has his panties in a bunch.

Because Whitey is pissed.

And Whitey is the coach of the basketball team.

Which is undefeated.

Who now cannot practice.

"Miss James, Miss Sawyer; clearly my early attempts of suspension and your stint in juvenile hall are not motivating you enough. I've decided to take a different approach this time."

"Great." I mutter.

"Miss James, despite your obvious lack of discipline, your grade point average is fairly decent. I see you excel in history and English and I believe that will be used to the advantage of a Mr. Jake Jagelski. He had to leave in the middle of last year and has recently returned. He's far behind in his lessons and I believe you would do a great deal in helping him."

WHAT? Did I not just get done saying I _wasn't_ the tutor girl?

That doesn't mean I'm not smart.

Son of a…

"Now, Miss Sawyer, I golfing buddy of mine runs an orphanage a county over. He'll expect you there Saturday morning promptly at seven. And you will do this every Saturday and Sunday until the basketball season is over."

"But…" I start to protest.

"And for both of you, how's your school spirit?"

"Excuse me?" we both ask together looking at each other in horror.

"You may know my niece Brooke Davis…"

"You mean captain of the cheer sluts?" I snort.

"Miss James! That will be enough of you smart comments!" he scolds and I just roll my eyes. "Starting Monday, the two of you will be rooting for our school on the cheerleading squad.

No freaking way.

"This of course after you spend the entire weekend cleaning up the gym. Starting today."

Unfreakingbelievable.

"And what if we don't do this?" I challenge.

"You'll face expulsion and you'll have to go t a different high school."

Shit.

So we nod and grumble and agree to his crappy term and head out of his office and down the hall to go to the gym. Peyton's dragging her bag on the ground and I'm hitting lockers as I go down the hall. We stop at the gym and I peer through the glass to look at all the chaos we created last night.

It was incredible.

"I can't do that crap Haley." Peyton says, speaking up for the first time.

"Yeah you can. You'll scare the little orphans and I'll tell Jagelski all the wrong stuff. It'll be a piece of cake."

"No, I mean yeah that too. But what are we gonna do about cheerleading?"

Insert string of profanities here.

"So what? You'll shake your skinny pale ass and I'll do a cartwheel and call it a day." I shrug, when in all actuality I'm pretty much dreading it. "Dude, we'll be fine. We'll figure something out." I say trying to convince her as much as I'm trying to convince myself. And before she can even speak, I'm being dragged into a supply closet and pushed up against the wall.

"Hey Hales." He whispers into my ear before starting to kiss my neck. I can't move, I'm revolted, and I hear Peyton saying my name and pounding on the door to no avail.

"I suggest you let go of me before you lose what's left of your manhood." I threaten but that doesn't seem to stop him as he makes his way down to the button of my jeans.

Snap.

"Stop it. Just stop."

Zip.

"Peyton!"

Slide.

"Dude get the fuck off or her!" I stop the tears that were almost ready to fall to see our third amigo, Chris, whipping open the door and pulling the guy off of me. He and Chris are shuffling about and before I completely succumb to my losing battle with tears I hall off and knock the living shit out of the guy.

Hey, I've got a mean right hook.

I'm about to go in for hit number two but Chris grabs my shoulders and we step back together out of the closet. Surveying the destruction, I smirk, satisfied that his nose is now bleeding. Profusely. So I let the scared girl in me disappear and let the tough bad ass girl exterior emerge in victory.

"Are you okay?" Peyton asks, genuine concern flashing across her pretty face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I grit out one more time before making good on my threat and stomping down in between his legs. He keels over in pain and agony and I just laugh. Before I leave him completely to cope with the loss of his probably only decent ability I throw one final threat his way. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again, Felix."

"Hales that was hot." Chris smirks, slinging his arm around my shoulder as we continue down the hall.

"He just can't handle that I hate his guts and refuse to acknowledge him."

"You realize you're gonna have to recognize him once we start cheerleading right?" Peyton pointed out.

I'm being cursed.

"The two of you in a short cheer skirt? Hell yes, I am so at every game now." Chris replied grinning like an idiot.

Okay, here's the thing about Chris. He wanted me, I shot him down, and now we're the best of friends. Minus, of course, the mushy emotional stuff. He's plays guitar and gambles, all the while getting his ass beat by a midget and making out with a transvestite. But shh…he doesn't know that.

"Look, Chris we gotta go. You know you're brilliant idea to trash the gym? It got us in a world of shit; including cleaning it up. How do you mange to get off on everything?"

"I party with the principal."

"Or go down on him." Peyton quips swinging open the gym door and walking through it. We both look at each other, shrug, and knock fists before I go into the gym and he walks outside to his car.

"Umm…" I stutter upon walking into the gym now swamped with half naked basketball players in just gym shorts. Peyton looks annoyed and once they hear the door slam, the team looks up we notice the scowls plastered on their normally handsome faces.

Clearly, they're pissed.

"Hello boys." I say cheerfully walking up and linking my arms with Peyton. "To what do we owe this great pleasure?"

"We're here to help you clean up obviously. Hence the brooms and trash bags gracing our hands." Nathan Scott, basketball co captain and all around good guy say holding up the objects in his hand for emphases.

"You realize you're missing your aprons right?" I return and Peyton stifles a laugh.

"We can't afford to miss a weekend of practice because you decided to trash our gym. What did we do to you?" Lucas Scott, second co caption says placing his hands on his hips.

"Ok chill man. It has nothing to do with you or the team." I say just as Felix walks in holding paper towels to his face. "Well not the whole team."

"What happens to you man?" Tim Smith asks and Felix just blows past him and into the locker room.

"He's must've tripped." I smirk, trying to hide my own giggles. "Anyway, we just wanted to get out of gym class."

"You're lucky we don't have a game tonight." Nathan grumbled, sweeping the debris into a pile.

"Oh, so I guess we should've done this last week huh?" I say walking over to where he's sweeping.

"Move." He commands holding his place steady, waiting for me to move so he can continue sweeping. I quirk my eyebrow up and look at him like he's crazy.

Clearly, he is.

"Will you please move?" he grits out through clenched teeth. I almost cave.

Almost.

"Why? It's not like there's anything in it for me." I retort and I see anger flash through his eyes before he throws the broom down, picks me and physically moves me.

I'm about two seconds from kicking his ass as well but Peyton grabs my waist and holds me back, all the a while my arms are thrashing back and forth. She keeps telling me to stop and after a few seconds I do tiring myself out.

Besides I've got more important people to deal with.

Like the person who just walked through the door.

Brooke.

**Like it? Hate it? Scratch that. I know you love it. Drop me something.**


	2. Enigma

**A/N: I was blown away at the response of this story so thanks. I had a few ppl ask me what I'm shipping and honestly,I haven't a clue right now. I'm a die hard Naley fan so I'm thinking that at least, in this story, that will be one ship. As for the others, who knows. I'm a fan of both Leyton, Jeyton, Brucas, and the lesser know Bake. I like to play around with it. Just whatever suits me at the moment. For right now, typokeen, there's some brathan in there for you, so enjoy it while it last. Who knows though; i'm think about playing around with a Brathan and Laley fic. Hmm...anyway, enjoy. **

Enigma

Like this whole nightmare isn't bad enough. Like this could possibly get any worse. And apparently it can. Not only have I been cursed with Felix being on the basketball team, I now have to be cursed with Brooke Davis. Now, don't get me wrong, Brooke's a nice enough person. In fact, before Taylor moved, the two were the best of friends; with all the emotional gushy stuff.

"Hello Haley, Peyton." She greets walking up to us followed by Bevin, Theresa, and Rachel. And that right there is what grates my nerves.

She's too damn perky.

"Brooke." I acknowledge tersely and I can feel the stares from everyone in the room on my back. Peyton, on the other hand, shows of her skill of sign language with a single finger profanity.

"So my uncle just informed me that the two of you are going to be on the team." Brooke continues completely ignoring Peyton now. "I think that will be really great Hales."

"Don't call me Hales. Very few people are allowed to call me that and last time I checked, you were not one of them."

"Alright Haley, if that's the way you want it. I think it'll be nice having you on the team."

"Will you drop your nice girl shit. You and I both know that you hate me and you don't want me here. And guess what? The feeling is mutual." I yell which causes Brooke to lose her innocent façade and replace it with a more sinister one.

"Listen to me you little smart ass tramp." She threatens coming closer to me and getting within inches of my face. Peyton is by my side almost immediately but I put my arm out stopping her from doing anything without ever losing eye contact with Brooke. "This is my squad and my life so if you ruin this…"

"If I ruin this you'll what?" I challenge. "Don't you that little cheer competition in a few weeks?"

"Yes and so help me…" she grits out before I interrupt her again.

"Now wouldn't it be a damn shame if you were to lose that? I mean Peyton and I, we just worked our asses off and the routine was right at every game. I don't know what happened at the Classic. I lost my footing." I tell her my innocent excuse for throwing away her dreams.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh I would and enjoy every second of it." I respond smirking. "Now, this is what you're going to do. You're going to get out of my face," I say pointing my finger at her chest and pushing her slightly away, "and leave me the hell alone. We're gonna show up for practice and for games but you mess with us one little bit, make this experience any more painful than it is already, and you will be crying tears of agony at that little competition. And this is your last year right?"

"Why do you have to be such a bitch?" she grits out, clearly defeated.

"Because I can. Now, if you and your little slut posse would leave us be, we can be back to cleaning up this mess so your little team can practice and remain undefeated." I say and Brooke huffs a bit before turning around and stomping off. Nathan rushes past me and latches on to her arm, whispering a few things to which she nods and kisses him lightly on the lips.

"Dude, that was wicked." Peyton says pounding her fist on top of mine.

Half an hour later, nobody is being exactly friendly and Peyton and I are in our own little corner joking around; but nevertheless cleaning up. The cheerleaders are on the opposite side of the gym practicing and most of the team has dispersed with just a few remaining top jocks around picking up the remaining debris. If I had known I'd be picking this crap up today, I wouldn't have done it last night.

Okay so maybe I would have.

"Peyt it's a broom and dustpan. It's not exactly rocket science." I tease as she looks at it with disgust. "Or the worst thing ever."

"Well considering Anna never makes me clean up, I could care less. I'm not doing this shit." She says dropping down the broom with a clank and walking off.

"I see you like making people stomp off." Nathan says walking up to me where I am now currently alone.

"Yeah well I'm about two seconds from doing so myself." I retort slamming down my broom and taking a seat on the bleachers.

"Why did you get all over Brooke like that?" he asks taking a seat beside me.

"Because she's fake and because I can."

"Then why are you pissed off at the world?"

"What are you my shrink?" I ask sarcastically rolling my eyes.

"Whatever you need."

"Well…" I start before I turn around and lay my head on his lap and look up at him. "Where do I start Mr. Shrink?"

"Haley…" he protests making sure not to touch me. He's flustered and clearly uncomfortable and I find it kinda endearing.

"Yes?" I ask pulling his hand down to his lap. "Nate, are you okay? You look a bit uncomfortable. Here, maybe this will help." I offer pulling myself up and straddling his lap.

And he seriously just got redder.

"Haley…" he repeats, clearing his throat. I smirk hearing the faint cat calls and whispers behind me.

"What the hell are you doing on my boyfriend?" Brooke screams throwing down her pomp pomps and stomping over to where I am.

"Is this about Brooke?" I ponder innocently.

"Well yeah…she is my girlfriend." He says his gorgeous blue orbs whizzing from me to Brooke who is now almost there.

"Oh." I pout. "I guess she's not into threesomes huh?"

His eyes widened to the size of basketballs and I shake my head and laugh. I touch his nose before dismantling myself off of his lap and standing up. That was entirely too much fun and I'm sad that Peyton missed it. She really would've gotten a kick out of it.

"Nathan!" Brooke screeches once she reaches us. "And you." She glares pointing a finger at me.

"What? I was just getting comfortable. Don't get your thong in a bunch. I was just wondering if he and you of course, were into threesomes. I'm guessing you're not though huh? "

"NO! You were practically giving my boyfriend a lap dance!"

Oww.

Knock it down an octave.

"Which he clearly enjoyed." I point out eying his manhood. Which totally isn't visible because of his basketball shorts but it gets them embarrassed anyway. Nathan instantly covers it with his hands and Brooke stands in front of him shielding him.

"You should leave." Brooke suggested motioning towards the door.

"Gladly." I exasperate, leaning to the side and winking at Nathan. "Later Superstar."

"Whore." Felix says to me as I'm walking past. I turn and glare at him for a few minutes and finally decide what I'm going to do.

"As long as I'm yours." I whisper right into his ear which makes him clench his broom even tighter.

"You stupid little bitch." He says and raises his hand as if to smack me but gets cut off by Nathan holding his arm and forcing him to the ground.

"Where do you get off trying to hit girls?" Nathan shouts and for a few seconds it looks like Felix is pretty fearful.

So for the second time today I'm near tears and it really pisses me off. I do not cry. It's just not in my forte. Felix eyes keep darting from me to Nathan and back again and I can tell he's contemplating his options. Which between my right hook and Nathan holding him down, I don't see where he has a lot.

"She deserved it." Felix chokes out.

Oh I so did not!

Take it back!

"What the hell is this?" Peyton asks walking back into the gym. Lucas watches her from the door to the middle of the gym where I am now standing and Peyton shoots him an annoying glance. "Stop staring me."

"I…I'm not." He stutters and I find it kinda cute despite everything going on.

"And he wouldn't be." Jake Jagelski says from his place beside Lucas. I so did not even notice him there. Or anywhere at all for that matter. Now Peyton is changing direction and heading towards them.

Oh shit.

"Peyton…" I try but to no avail as she continues her march to Jake and slaps him squarely across his cheek.

Damn.

"What the hell was that for?" He screams as Lucas holds him back.

"For being a jackass." She retorts. Nathan and I are staring at the two, completely forgetting about the captain of the jackasses in his grasp. And Brooke for that matter.

You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.

It's kinda hot.

No really it is. I'm starting to sweat a bit.

Ha.

"Nathan let him go." I command referring to Felix. He stares at me for a minute and lets go of him reluctantly and Felix pulls himself up to his feet. To which for the second time today I knock the shit out of him.

Peyton looks over at the commotion and rolls her eyes before giving one last death glare to Jake and marching over to where I'm not standing over Felix. Nathan looks like he's in complete shock and I'm sure I looked pretty pissed.

Because I am.

"Hales, stop beating him up. I think he's had enough for one day." Peyton says once she reaches me tugging on my arm.

"You know he hasn't." I object and Peyton just looks at me like I'm crazy. "Fine."

"You're crazy." Brooke reiterates and I glare at her before sucking in my breathe.

You're lucky Superstar here saved my ass from getting slapped otherwise you would be getting exactly the same." I gnash out.

"Ooo I'm scared." Brooke retorts pretending to shake.

"Dude, I suggest you back off." Peyton interjects clutching to my arm to make sure I don't do anything.

"Or what? You'll jump me? I dare you. I've got back up." Brooke taunts and as if on queue Rachel, Bevin, and Theresa step up and flank Brooke on either side.

"Cat fight." Tim says grinning happily which receives a back hand in the chest from Lucas.

"Classic." Is the only word that comes out of my mouth that drops Brooke smirk like a sinking ship.

"I can find someone else." Brooke says trying her best to act confident.

"Did you know that Peyton took ballet as a kid? Or that I am a trained gymnast?" I ask and Brooke frowns. "No, I didn't think so. So unless you can find not one, but two girls with that kind of talent I doubt you'll win the Classic in three weeks."

"Burn." Peyton smirks right along with me; completely satisfied that we managed to get under _everyone's_ skin today.

"Okay, look, with the two of you here we need to set some ground rules." Nathan says trying his best to keep peace.

This ought to be good.

"Felix," he says who is still lying on the ground, "Stay away from Haley and shut up with all the names. And if I ever see you try to hit her or any other girl again, I'll make sure you can't do anything with a girl. Jake, lay off Peyton. Lucas, stop staring at her. Haley lets try not to straddle me or piss Brooke off. Brooke leave Haley and Peyton alone and the two of you listen to her in response."

"Well what fun is that?" I ask.

"Violence isn't fun." Nathan replies and I roll my eyes.

"Since when?"

"Why are you so difficult?" he explodes and I don't even flinch. This is what I do. I piss people off. And I do it well. I quirk my eyebrow up at him and shrug my shoulders.

"Guess I'm just an enigma."

"Slash bitch." Brooke quips. I glare at her for probably the fifth time today and fight the urge to knock the crap out of her too.

"Fine." I concede grudgingly

I _hate_ this.

"Good. Now can we get back to work so we can practice?"

We all nod our head in agreement and separate into our respective areas. This is so lame. Brooke walks by me and I rest my hand on her arm to stop her. She looks at me first with anger, then disgust, and finally with curiosity.

"Your Superstar is so mine."

**Like it? Come on admit it. You're so in love with it.**


	3. Hoes Over Bros

**A/N: This is just a filler chapter so don't be so disappointed. I didn't like the way it turned out but it's the best I could do. I'm getting questions about ships and I said in the previous chapter that I don't know. The most likely ship that will definetly come out is Naley. Because I'm one of those emotional suckers that just love their relationship. Hate me all you want. Yes, there will be more Brathan. Yes, I'm pretty sure there will be not only Laley, but Leyton and Brucas. Even Jaley, Bake, and Jeyton. And whatever the hell you call Rachel and Lucas(Rucas?). Ha. I just don't know the final ships. So stop asking. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I think there will be a little bit for everyone. Don't know how long this is going to be but I do know that the climax will be at the Classic. However many chapters that is until then I don't know. Anyway, I didn't get that many review from the last chapter so hopefully this will make up for it. I doubt it b/c I hate this chapter. **

Hoes Over Bros

I roll over in my bed to be hit with a mass of blonde curls and reach over her to turn off that incessant alarm clock that will not shut up. And seeing how it still will not shut up, I take the opportunity to chuck it across the room. Peyton grumbles something incoherently and I fall back into my pillow and close my eyes.

Seven am sucks.

"Alright ladies, I come bearing coffee, bear claws, and the greatest gift of them all…me." Chris grins coming into my room. I throw a pillow at him which he easily dodges and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"What are you doing here?" I mumble face down in my pillow looking at him with one eye. "It's like super early."

"I am so watching your first practice. In fact…" he smirks and turns around to open the bag on his shoulder producing a smaller object. "I'm recording it."

"Like hell you are."

"Chris, you're aggravating this early. Go away." Peyton mutters putting the pillow over her head.

"You guys are hung over. This is awesome." Chris concludes.

"No shit Sherlock." I say repeating Peyton's previous action. I feel Chris get up and I assume he's leaving. But before I know it, the covers and sheets are being ripped off leaving me and Peyton in just our t shirts and underwear.

Freezing our asses off.

"Now, this is what I'm talking about." I can practically hear Chris smirk right before he jumps in the bed between the two of us. I lift my head up a bit as does Peyton and giving each other a look at the same time we hit Chris with our pillows. Then we proceed to grudgingly get out of bed to get dressed.

We through on our shorts and tank tops, attempt to run a brush through our hair and brush our teeth. Then we tackle to very difficult task to tying our shoe laces but I can barely do it with all the blood rushing to my head. Finally, we don our sunglasses, grab the keys, and we're out the door.

"Wait for me!"

Ten minutes later we stumble into the now clean gym and sit at the first available seat we see. We're early by about twenty minutes and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open. I hear Peyton lightly snoring on my shoulder and fight the urge to yawn. My eyes dart to the gym door that is now opening allowing the cheer sluts to step through.

Giggling.

I nudge Peyton off of my shoulder and roll my eyes seeing Chris pull out his camcorder grinning like a fool. Brooke and Rachel are at the head of the group and they stop mid stride seeing me and Peyton sitting there waiting for them. And the funny thing is that the rest of the squad doesn't see them stop and runs directly into them.

And they all fall down.

Next to make their way into the gym is the basketball team. They're all laughing and joking around too. I want to strangle these people. It is now seven forty five. Half the world is still asleep and you're wide awake? That's just not normal. Nathan and Lucas stop abruptly and I can't tell if it's from actually seeing me and Peyton there or their cheerleader girlfriends in a heap in the floor.

"What? We're here. You can blink now. We won't disappear." I snap looking between the two groups.

"Well I for one am shocked." Brooke says coming up and standing in front of us. Rachel is right beside her looking at us with disgust.

"You look like shit. Did you even brush your hair this morning?"

"Did you forget you're daily Vicodin?" Peyton retorts still leaning on my shoulder. "Who cares what we look like at eight am on a Saturday morning?"

"You should care about you're appearance for Christ sakes."

"Kid, if I wanted to, I would look damn fine right now. Enough to make your boyfriend over there want me ever more." Peyton replies nodding her head in the direction of Lucas who was looking on curiously.

"He doesn't want you!" Rachel screeches making both me and Peyton wince.

"Keep telling yourself that." Peyton says getting up and patting Rachel on the head.

I think I can see a bit of steam.

"Well Miss Smartass what do you have to say?" Brooke asks placing her hands on her hips. She can't see me roll my eyes because my oversized glasses on still perched on my nose but I am.

"Well you already know you're boyfriend wants me."

"He does not!"

_Pain_.

"Can the two of you like, go away. You're voices are annoying the shit out of me right now." I say taking a sip of my coffee and shooing them away with my hand.

Well needless to say, we make it through practice. Sure, Peyton stumbles and I trip, but for the most part we do pretty decent. Brooke and Rachel yell at us the entire time and we of course could care less so we pay them no mind. I don't know what pisses them off more; the fact that we were here early and did fairly well or that their boyfriends had never paid so much attention to cheerleading practice in their lives.

I'm thinking a bit of both.

So Peyton and I are gathering up our stuff Chris has already bolted, and everyone else is milling around when I see Brooke standing in front of me out of the corner of my eye. I don't acknowledge her right away which seems to annoy her and she keeps blowing out her breath and tapping her foot.

"Yes?" I say finally looking up at her. Nathan walks by at that moment and I give him cute smile. He stops at Brooke's ear and I think I hear the faint whisper of 'be nice.'

"Maybe she wants to ask you on a date." Peyton quips putting on her sun glasses and throwing her back over her shoulder as she walks by. I fight the urge to laugh as Brooke's mouth hangs open in shock.

"I…I just wanted to tell you good job." Brooke finally speaks. "But I want you to understand that I don't like your smartass comments, I don't like the way you undress Nathan with you're eyes, and I don't even like you that much."

"And you think I care…why?"

"Haley, please I'll do just about anything to win the Classic this year. Please don't mess this up for me."

"Brooke, I don't do nice. I don't pity. And I hate pleading. Okay, here, we'll make a deal. We get you to the Classic but after that, we're done. I don't want to do this for the next two months." I bargain.

"Deal!" she agrees hugging me to which I quickly push her off.

"I don't do hugs either." I say grabbing my own bag and walking out the gym.

"Look at you being nice."

"What do you want Jagelski?" I ask as he comes up beside me.

"You're tutoring me right?" he asks and I smack my forehead in ignorance.

Duh.

"Right now?"

"Well, yeah, I kinda have someplace to be later on." He says sheepishly like he has some big secret.

"Hot date?" I ponder and he grins stupidly and shrugs. "What makes you think I won't tell you all the wrong things?"

"You're not that cruel." He says with assuredly.

"Ugh." I cave. "Meet me at the docks in half an hour."

"Told ya." He pats me on the shoulder and winks, jogging down the hallway.

I'm out the doors a few minutes later, getting hit with the overly bright sun right in my eyes. Damn it. Where are my sunglasses? Peyton holds out her arms wondering what I'm doing and I hold up my finger telling her to give me one minute. I jog back into the gym and wonder into the locker room. And there are my sweet protective glasses. Thank God.

I'm walking past the guy's locker room and backtrack hearing a male voice belting out a commercial jingle. Horribly. Carefully, I creep in and try my best to stifle the giggle in my gut at seeing none other than Lucas Scott buck naked singing the Oscar Meyer song. Mmm, not bad. I guess I don't do such a hot job because suddenly he turns around and the look of embarrassment on his face is priceless.

"Please, don't let me interrupt." I bust turning around and fleeing the scene. I make it outside again a few minutes later, still laughing, and Peyton is looking at me like I'm insane.

"Dude come on. I still have to go to Wilmington." Peyton says annoyed at me still laughing hysterically. "What is so funny?"

"Lucas…" I manage before I look up and see him standing at the school doors, still red from embarrassment. "He was naked; singing." And it takes all of two seconds for Peyton to bust out laughing with me.

Ha.

Turns out, Lucas happened to volunteer at the orphanage too where Peyton was heading. What a lucky coincidence huh? Anyway, Peyton bitched and moaned but eventually took the ride with Lucas so that I could have her car to go meet Jake. Fun times…I'm telling ya.

"You're late." He tells me once I sit down, his books already spread out on the tiny table.

"I'm early in Chicago." I say not even missing a beat which causes him to chuckle slightly. "First of all, with me tutoring you, whatever problem you have with Peyton; forget it. You're acting like a second grader with his first crush."

"Aw, I guess Peyton didn't tell you we used to date?" he asks and I nearly choke on the coffee running down my throat. "Guess not."

"Shut up."

"No seriously. Before her dad left and she was normal; we dated for about two months."

"What happened?"

"Her dad left." He said simply. This new information was making my head hurt in a bad way. "So tutor girl, what are we learning today?"

"Oh I'm gonna teach you a few things alright." I tell him suggestively forgetting all about the drama that is Peyton.

* * *

Later on that night I'm flipping through the channels finding nothing on but a sappy Lifetime movie and yet another Road Rules/Real World challenge. Peyton comes storming in flinging her skinny ass on my bed angrily. She jerks the remote up from the bed; cuts off the television and cranks up the stereo.

"Pissy much?"

"I can't do another day of that." She says staring up at the ceiling. "Not with the kids and not with Lucas Scott."

"And what exactly did Sir Luke say/do?"

"Well besides the fact that I couldn't stop picturing him naked and singing, I couldn't' stop laughing. Then there's the other problem. The guy's a freaking saint. He does everything right and everything nice and it makes me sick. I don't understand how Rachel is his girlfriend knowing the tramp she is." Peyton rambles.

"Someone's got a crush."

"That's not even funny." She says glaring at me.

"But you wanna know a secret that Jake told me?" I ask and Peyton nods. "Rachel is cheating on Lucas."

"With who?"

"My mouth hung on the ground in shock when he told me this. Felix."

"Okay, that's just gross."

"No, that's not even the best part. Tim knows this great secret about Rachel and is holding it over her head. So you know what my goal is right?"

"We are so exposing that secret." Peyton finished nodding her head.

"So you never told me Jake was such a good kisser." I quirk my eyebrow up and her eyes grow wide before they darken into anger.

"He told you?" she grits out.

"I'm trying to figure out why you didn't tell me." I say defending myself. "I'm trying defend you his actions towards you and the whole time you dumped him for what? A vow of silence?"

"This is none of your business Haley. You're my best friend and we're tight but you know we don't do all this girly secret shit. So yeah, even though I didn't tell you that doesn't give you the right to stop defending me and kissing my ex." She spat out angrily.

"Peyt, chill. It's not like I hopped in bed with or married him. Do you see a vial of his blood around my neck? I was just kissing him. " I sigh falling back onto the bed.

"Did we actually just have our first fight over a boy?" Peyton asks after a few minutes of silence.

"Dude and we totally didn't even get into the bitch slapping." I respond and we both laugh. "Punk ass." I say punching her playfully on the arm.

"Hoes over Bros?" she says holding out her fist to knock which I gladly return.

"Buds over Studs."


	4. Don't Say I Never Gave You Anything

**A/N: Wow. I can't believe how many ppl like this. This idea was so random and unplanned and all this feedback I'm getting is great. I love writing this fic. Because really, I'm writing myself as Haley. Except I wouldnt' be trashing gyms and kissing random guys. I'm just saracastic. Anyway, i realize that this is a bit humorous right now but there's something pretty major in store for Haley and it's not exactly funny. At all really. Because I wanted this fic to be about breaking down the walls Haley put up around herself and something happens to her to make her vunerable and want to throw all those broken walls right back up. I was going to write that storyline as a one shot but I think it might work in this. Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that. Just be prepared. I'm still forming my final ships but I can't decide between Leyton and Brucas. No fears though, the mood will hit and I'll decide. **

**A/N2: So on to the actual chapter itself...I've got some interaction b/t Chris and haley which I think is pretty funny to write. There's a surprise vistor and her husband is even more shocking. Uh, and finally there's some Naley for all you cheesy fans. (I can say that b/c i'm one of them). Hmm...oh and for those Laley fans out there; I've got something for you in the coming chapters, just to give you something to look forward too. **

**ENJOY!**

Don't Say I Never Gave You Anything

After the fiasco that was yesterday, today was my day to unwind. Peyton was at the children's home again today so I of course I'm bored out of my mind. And bored Haley is not exactly an innocent Haley. This was going to be a long three weeks. I was lying on my back, my head hanging off the edge of the bed when he walked in.

Chris.

And seriously, he's even uglier upside down.

Why me?

"What's up punk?" I ask getting vertical, the blood rushing to my head. He walks over and plops down beside me on the bed.

"So where's the blonde and broody Peyton today?"

"Probably off giving nightmares to the orphans."

"At least she doesn't have her grey and black hair anymore." Chris points out. "Thank God you made her dye it back to blonde."

"Hey even the 'dark angel' look was creeping me out." I shudder at that thought.

"That look was hot." Chris replies in true Keller fashion. "Anyway, I have news."

"I can barely contain my excitement." I deadpan.

"Well fine then miss pissy. I won't tell you."

"Ok."

"Haley!" he says in frustration. "We got a gig."

"Shut up!" I am now officially one of those screeching girls. I'm so excited that I punch Chris probably a little too hard in his arm.

"Damn it Haley." He whines.

"Damn it Haley." I mock. "You're such a douche. Anyway tell me about the gig."

"Well it's the 28th in Charlotte…"

"Wait, as in this 28th of this month?"

No, it just _can't_ be.

"Chris that's a game night. Like a _huge_ game night."

"So blow it off." He shrugs like it's no big deal.

It so is a big deal.

"I can't." I sigh. This is crap. "If I don't show up at all the games until the Classic and at the Classic itself than I can't get out of this crap. But if I do, I won't have to do it after three weeks."

Thank God.

"Well that pretty much blows." He says blowing out his breath. "You just had to trash the gym didn't you?"

"It was your idea!"

"Details Haley. Details."

"So uh, how's E_mma_nuelle?" I ask quirking up my eyebrow.

"I don't want to talk about it." He says quietly. I try my damnest to suppress my laughter.

"Talk about what?" I ask innocently.

"Like you and Peyton didn't know."

"I mean we had an inkling…"I try and explain.

"New subject." He mutters.

"Who the hell could that be?"

Someone is insistently, annoying pounding on the door. I get up, not easily from all the blood rushing _out_ of my head, and skip down the stairs Chris right on my heels. We both rush to the door to answer if first and both end up smash against it from the momentum.

Good times, good times.

"Oh my God…" my jaw is now getting acquainted to the floor in response to who I'm seeing right now on my, our, doorstep.

"Surprise!" she yells flinging her very pregnant body into mine. I beg Chris for help with my eyes and he just shakes his had no. That is until she turns around and throws herself into his arms.

Ha! Take that.

"Damn it, get off of me." I shrug her off once she jumps _back_ into my arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I'm like days from popping this kid out…"

"Don't think you're doing it here." I immediately reject this idea. "And I'm not holding your hand."

"Grow up. Anyway, on to my second news; I got married." She squeals throwing her hand up in my face, her gianormous ring a mere inch from my eye.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked almost instantly.

"Haley!"

"What? I mean something has to be for him to marry you _and_ knock you up." I tell her truthfully. "Come on, he's rich isn't he?" I whisper like it's some major conspiracy.

"You're ruining this for me." She says almost angrily.

"Fine. Where is he?" I concede. She squeals for probably the zillionth time and opens the door. She doesn't say anything just smiles like an idiot and waves her hand motioning him to come.

For all I know, it could be Donald Trump.

I wouldn't put it past her.

Oh did I mention it's Taylor?

What did I do to you God?

"Haley, Chris; I want you to meet my husband…" She says as her husband steps into view. Now my jaw and the floor are the best of friends. "Marvin McFadden."

"Most people just call me Mouth." He explains extending his hand which I accept.

"Funny. That was Taylor's nickname junior year."

"Haley!" she scolds completely embarrassed.

"What? It's the truth."

"Haley Lydia James." Taylor says in her 'mom' voice. I already feel bad for the kid inside her. She turns to the Mouth boy and gives him an apologetic smile.

"I remember that…" Chris pipes in. "In fact, I know…"

"Chris I am pregnant. I cannot be held responsible for my actions if you finish that sentence." Taylor warns.

"I think I'm having a sudden lapse in memory." He says rubbing his head. He leans over and kisses my forehead. "I'm going to leave you too lovely sisters with your reunion. Taylor, as always, a pleasure. Nice to meet you Marv."

"Later punk" I call out to him as he's walking out the door to which he uses his fingers to make a telephone, holds it up to his ear and mouths 'call me.' "So how did someone so quiet end up with some as loud as Taylor?" I ask my new brother in law.

Weird.

"Who says I don't like her loud?" he says almost to himself looking at his literally brushing bride.

He so just checked her out!

"Really?" I ask suggestively which causes him to catch himself and blush. "What about school Tay? The parentals are going to blow a gasket."

"They already know." She says nonchalantly struggling to get up on the stool at the kitchen counter, peeling a banana, and opens her mouth to take a bite.

The irony.

"I see you haven't lost your touch Tay." I say to which she nearly chokes, her eyes blazing. I now turn my attention to the Mouth boy. "So what horrible things has Taylor been spreading around about me? I'm sure they're all lies."

"Actually, she told you me were a very nice and sweet girl." Mouth told me in what appeared to be the honest truth.

"Yup all lies." I confirm. The doorbell rings again and I know that it's not for me. Chris and Peyton just waltz right in. I'm not expecting anything or anyone…"Did you invite someone?

"Maybe…" she says coyly. I roll my eyes and seeing how it's easier for me to walk by comparison; I go an answer the door. Do you jaw take thee floor to have and to hold? "Brooke, Nathan?"

Seriously God?

What did I do to you?

"Hey Haley, Taylor said she was going to be here. She said we could come; something about some big news." Brooke explains nervously under my glare. "I hope that's okay."

"Brookie Cookie!" Taylor screams waddling into the foyer. Brooke rushes pasts me and her and Taylor both start screeching and jumping up and down; well as much as an eight months pregnant Taylor can anyway. "Look how gorgeous you are."

"Ah, Tay you're glowing. Wait, oh my God. Look at that rock." Brooke gushes pulling Taylor's hand up to examine the ring. "Two things; what are you thinking getting married and pregnant at nineteen? And two, who is the hottie?"

"That would be Mouth. Babe!" she calls out and I feel sorry for the guy. I bet he wishes he did this _before_ he married Taylor. He comes out and he and Brooke exchange pleasantries.

I have got to get out of here.

"Taylor, I'm gone." I tell her already walking out the door. I think I hear her protest but do you think I care? I'm halfway down the walk when I hear a distinctive male voice call out my name. I turn around and impatiently wait for him to make it up to where I'm standing. "What's up Superstar?"

"There's only so much of Brook and Taylor I can take. Besides, now their crying over everything. I just feel horrible for the hubby." He chuckles as I nod my head.

Awkward silence.

Chirp, chirp.

"So where are you heading?" he finally asks, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"Hmm…I'm thinking Jupiter may be far enough." I reply tapping my finger on my chin. "I think I'm just going to go get some coffee; maybe walk the docks."

"Want some company?"

So we end up walking and talking. And honestly, it's not all that bad. I think I'm actually having fun. Surprisingly, I'm not destroying something or arguing with someone to do so. It's kinda relaxing. It's getting quite chilly and it sucks that all I have on is a shorter jean skirt and t shirt, a light jacket and some Converse. Mr. Hot Shot is looking rather warm over there in some jeans and a pull over. Lucky bastard.

"You want some?" he asks motioning to the box of snacks in his hand.

"Nah, I'm good." I respond taking the last sip of my coffee and chucking it in a nearby trash can. "So you gonna get yelled at for hanging out with me?"

"I uh, I dunno." He answers unsurely. Translation: yes.

"So why are you doing this if you're going to get in trouble?"

"Maybe I'd like to see what's behind all walls you put up." He responds and I look at him curiously, squinting against the sun. "All you want his attention you know."

"What's wrong with attention?" I ask defensively.

"Nothing really. I mean, me, I get attention from playing my ass off in basketball. You get attention for, well…."

"Havoc?" I finish and he nods. "And sleeping around too right?"

"Well uh," he tugs at his collar trying to find a nice way to say 'yes, the school thinks you're a whore.' Like there is such a pleasant route to take when saying that to someone. "I don't think you are." He finally says which is a pretty good answer seeing as how I can tell he sincerely means it. I reach over and pull some snacks out of the box and toss it in my mouth. "Nobody said you could have my Cracker Jacks."

"Nobody asked." I quip and he laughs. "So I know it's Sunday but you've got any big plans tonight with Brooke?"

"She'll probably be stuck with Taylor all night." He says oblivious to my probing, digging further into the box of Cracker Jacks.

Boys.

"Leaving you all alone." I conclude.

"Well last time I checked I was a big boy and I could be by myself." He retorts in the voice of a five year old. Cute.

"You love her?"

"Brooke? Well I care for her a lot. Love, sure. I wouldn't go as far as that I'm in love with her. That's a little drastic and I'm a little young for all that. " he shrugs.

"So not the type to get married at sixteen huh?" I joke.

"Nah, definitely not. What about you? You don't want the stability of a monogamous relationship?"

"Not for me. I get bored to easily; get used to something and have to move on. I can do friends with benefits, the random hook up; but when it comes to being with one person, all the time it's claustrophobic." I explain and he looks at me like he's in on some big secret. "I guess one day I'll bite the bullet and cave. "

"You'll fall in love one day; you'll see. It'll come and bite you in the ass and you won't know what hit you."

"I doubt it." I scoff. "I think I'll have a bit of control over that."

"You can't control love." Now it's his turn to scoff. "It's like controlling the wind."

"Who says I can't do that?" I retort laughing slightly. "Okay, we agree to disagree."

"Deal. This is nice you know. You not trashing the gym or giving me a lap dance; you're only a smartass about 70 of the time…" he teases me and I can't help but smile.

It _is_ nice.

"So friends?" I ask and he looks at me strangely. "You know, without the benefits. Which totally doesn't benefit me. "

"Friends." He agrees dumping the remaining contents of his Cracker Jacks in his hand. He opens the small surprise package and grins. "For you." He says holding the pink plastic out for me to put my hand through which I do. "Don't say I never gave you anything."

"So uh, friend, I'm gonna jet. " I say shrugging him off my shoulder and walking ahead of him. "Thanks; for everything I mean." I say still walking backwards before giving him one final smile and turning around. "Stop checking out my ass!"


	5. Pressure

**A/N: Okay, so again I have to say wow to all the reviews and feedback I've been getting from this story; it's incredible. Uh, I wanted this chapter to be better but I dunno if I did such a great job. It's got haley and taylor and then haley/peyton/chris. It's one of those filler chapters as well. So uh, enjoy. :) Drop the love. **

Pressure

I walk into my house and shut the door leaning up against it and sigh. Wait, did I just sigh? Dreamily? Oh good God, shoot me. It's just Nathan Scott; no one special. Besides, he's entirely too pure for my tastes. I look at the colorful bracelet on my hand and tug at it gently. It's pink and I don't even like pink but I like this. How weird am I?

"Haley? That you?" Taylor asks coming to the foyer. I look around for Brooke and/or Mouth and don't see or hear any sign of them. "Mouth ran out to get me some ice cream and Brooke had to go home to study." Taylor answers my unasked questions.

"Go ahead Taylor." I say rolling eyes and pushing myself off the door and walking into the living room with Taylor following closing behind me. "I know you want to gush, so gush." I say taking a seat on the couch.

"I love him Haley." She says sitting down as well plopping her feet on my lap. "And I know you don't understand because of who is he but he's incredible."

"As long as he makes you happy Tay." I tell her honestly. Hey, we may not get along and sometimes I could rip out her fake blonde hair but I still love her.

"He does; honestly. I've never been happier." She says and then she clears her throat looking at her hands rubbing her belly. "Look, Mom and Dad will be here tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I shout hopping up. "Taylor! Like I don't have enough shit on my plate right now you asked them to come home?"

"Well this is they're home Hay."

"No it's not. Yeah they pay the mortgage and all the bills but I live here. I take care of things. They're home consists of first class accommodations on a plane and in hotels."

I really hate my parents sometimes.

"You wanna know how many times I've sees them in the past year? Two times Taylor; which consisted of a grand total of three days. How many times had you've seen them?" I rant on.

"Six times." Taylor says quietly but at least truthfully.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. They don't forget that you exist. They don't forget what day they gave birth to you. And I would place my money on anything that they don't ever forget the birthday of your child."

"Haley, they do love you…"

"Bullshit." I interrupt. "Don't defend them Taylor. I don't want to hear any of it. They don't care about me okay? I'm just an after effect of some drunken night."

"Don't say that Haley. They love all of us." Taylor says trying to get up and put her arms around me to which I shrug off.

"They love all of us that they can remember." I say tersely. "I'm going to be at Peyton's house until they and you leave. This isn't my home as long as you all are in it."

"You can't avoid them forever." She says tiredly.

"Oh, really? Because it seemed to me that they were the ones doing the avoiding. Besides, it's you who can never avoid them."

And with that, I close the conversation and make my way to the bedroom. I hate Sunday evenings. You can have a completely weird but good day and then you just know you have to go back to the real world tomorrow. My reality consisting of non existent parents, annoying sisters, tutoring, and cheerleading. My life sucks right now.

"What's up kid?" Peyton asks coming into my room a short time later eyeing my packed bag and me pigging out on ice cream watching TV. "Well at least this time when you run away you're allowed to cross the street."

"Shut up." I say not being able to contain my laughter. "So how are the orphans? Clawing at the walls yet?"

"Ha." Peyton deadpans. "No, it's actually pretty cool to be honest. There's this one kid, probably around twelve or so that is like the miniature version of me. She's mean and she throws things and she's totally awesome. She can draw too."

"And I'm sure Lucas being there just makes the experience that much more special." I respond wiping away a fake tear.

"You're not funny."

"Oh you know I so am." I reply and look at her funny when she looks like she's studying me.

"Who have you've been kissing?" she asks me as she plops down on the bed beside me.

"Nobody." I say quickly. "What makes you think that?"

"You've got you're little goofy broody smile going on. Plus, you're totally binging on Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream which means he was an awesome kisser." Peyton replies looking at me curiously. "You know if it's Jake, it's totally cool."

"Oh I figured as much since you're totally crushing on Lucas." I tease her and she blushes slightly.

"I am not. And nice subject change by the way. " Peyton smirks. "Anyway, who is he?"

"So if I went out with Lucas you wouldn't care?"

"Haley! Stop avoiding the question." Peyton says hitting with a pillow.

"I'm not avoiding anything. I already told you nobody. So back to this Lucas thing; he's totally hot naked. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a courtesy hold on him for the week but come game night, he's mine."

"Haley," she laughs, "he has a girlfriend. Rachel ring any bells?"

"That'll be over with by week's end; trust me." I say with a glint in my eye.

"Hi evil Haley; haven't seen you in a good bit."

"Well I don't much feel like being nice this week. "I mumble and she looks at me strangely. "My parents are coming home tomorrow. Plus, I'm sure you noticed Hurricane Taylor down there." I explain.

"Oh, that I did. Dude, she's huge. And what's up with the geek?"

"That would be her husband, Mouth."

"Wasn't that her nickname junior year?" Peyton asks laughing which I join in. That's Peyton for you; she knows I hate my parents being around and she knows I hate talking about it. So she takes my mind off of it instead. "So you're coming to crash with me huh?"

"Yeah, I guess we're having a sleepover." I sigh.

"Should we invite Brooke and Rachel?" Peyton asks seriously and we ponder this option for a minute.

"Nah!" we say at the same time shaking our heads.

"So…who were you kissing?" Peyton says after staring at the TV for a few moments.

"Peyton!"

"You weren't kissing me." She quips changing the channel. I fight the urge to grin but fail and shake my head at her wicked sense of humor.

"Fine, I was making out with Keller." I tell her to which she responds by spewing out her coke. She widens her eyes and her mouth hangs agape at the shock of it all.

Too bad for her it's a lie.

"You are entirely too easy Peyt." I chuckle snatching the remote from her hand and changing to another station. She thinks for a moment before hitting me with a pillow. "Hey! I told you I wasn't kissing anyone. Geez."

I so wanted to though.

"Haley, since when do you where pink?" Peyton asks picking up the bracelet and letting it pop against my skin. "And since when do you where anything on your arm except a wristband?"

"I found it." I lie to switch I'm sure Peyton knows. "It was a gift okay?"

"From who?"

"The Easter Bunny." I respond sarcastically. "Drop it Peyton."

"Drop what?" Chris asks climbing through my window.

Wait, my window?

"Dude what the hell are you doing? I have a front door." I say as he trips on something and falls flat on his face butt in the air.

Classic.

"Well Taylor is downstairs and Chris Keller just doesn't do that shit." He responds getting up and brushing all the debris off of him.

"What? Talk in the first person?" I retort which causes Peyton to giggle.

"Or kiss someone of the opposite sex?"

"Bite me." He snaps lying down across the bottom of the bed. "And for your info, I was referring to all that hugging and squealing shit she does now."

"Oh well. We were right on some level anyway." I shrug and now he starts to study me.

What the fuck?

"Who have you been kissing?" he asks and I groan as Peyton starts jumping up with ice cream crammed in her mouth.

"I told you!" she gurgles high fifing Chris while his eyes never leave mine.

"I haven't kissed anyone!" I defend for probably the sixth time tonight.

I _wanted_ to.

Keep up.

"Hales, you've got that goofy grin on your face." Chris points out. He reaches over, takes a spoonful of my ice cream and shoves it in his mouth. "Ben and Jerry's? Must've been an amazing kiss."

Oh. My. Good. God.

"I hang around you losers entirely too much."

"Now don't be mad because we know you and all your little idiosyncrasies." Peyton responds.

"I haven't-" I start before my ringing cell phone jars me out of my thoughts. "Hello?" I answer irritated.

"Booty call?" Peyton contemplates with Chris.

"Haley?"

"Oh hi." I say softly which receives shocked expressions from my best friends as they move closer to hear my conversation.

Nathan.

"You left your jacket in my car."

Oh so that's why I was freezing my ass off.

_Idiot._

"Uh, I'll just grab it tomorrow at practice." I reply shoving Peyton away which in turn causes her to push Chris away.

Why do I all of a sudden feel like a preppy tween talking to her first crush?

"Well I was just making sure that you didn't need it. Otherwise…"

"Otherwise what? You would've rushed it right over?"

"Well, yeah, I would've." He replies softly. I'm about to reply but the words die on my lips when I here her voice in the background.

Brooke.

"Well, uh thanks friend. See ya tomorrow." I say quickly before hanging up. "What?" I bark at my two friends practically drooling from anticipation.

"So who's the mystery guy Haley?" Peyton asks resting her head on Chris' stomach, her feet by the headboard.

"No one."

"Would this be the same no one that you were kissing earlier?" Chris asks smirking.

"Look, can we just get my shit and go? I don't want to be here anymore." I reply, dodging the question and try to get up to which Peyton immediately get ups and pushes me back down.

"You realize that we can still question and bug the piss out of you on the way there and once we get there right?"

Good point.

"Since when do you where pink? I thought it like, made you throw up?" Chris asks fingering the plastic on my wrist.

Deep breaths Haley. 1…2…3…

"I can't believe you're holding out on us. We're your best friends. Dude, we saw you in you're head gear. I mean don't tell us you haven't been kissing anyone…"

So much for calm Haley.

"Oh my God! I haven't been kissing anyone! I went and had some coffee and walked along the docks. No, I wasn't alone. Yes, I really wanted to kiss him but didn't. We just talked."

"Who was it?"

"It was Nathan!"

Shit.


	6. Dirty Little Secret

**A/N: So I know I said Sunday but...I had strep throat all weekend and than I had to work all this week so...here you go. It's only five days late. Anyway, I didn't like this chapter becaus it's one of those filler things that have to happen but suck to write. Hopefully you're not disappointed. So enjoy and drop the love/hate. :) But nice hate okay?**

Dirty Little Secret

I can't believe I just blurted that out. Am I the only one that hears Napoleon Dynamite in my head right now? _Idiot._ Because now it seems like I like Nathan Scott. And I don't. He's just way hot and I want to kiss him. Among other things. I'm completely crazy right now.

"Nathan? As in Nathan Scott?' Peyton asks stunned.

"You like him don't you? Haley! He's Brooke's boyfriend, not to mention one of the saints of the entire school." Chris adds.

"Okay first of all I'm thinking of maybe getting into something that will never happen. One because you're right, he's Brooke's boy toy. And two, he's too nice. I just wanted to kiss him. You know kinda like Peyton wants to kiss Lucas; nice guy number two and girlfriend to Rachel."

And now Peyton is giving me her 'eat shit and die' look.

"I can't believe you would even turn this around on me with such obvious deceptive slander." Peyton finally says.

"Lies?" I scoff my mouth wide open. "Please, you and I both know that you have the hots for him. I don't think I've seen you smile so much since you thought you had a thing with Pete from Fall Out Boy."

"I did have a thing with Pete from Fall Out Boy!" she screams. I roll my eyes, folding my arms across my chest and refuse to look at her. She then takes the opportunity to fling some of my ice cream at me, landing right in my face. It slides off and now my two best friends are stifling the urge to laugh uncontrollably.

I don't think this is funny.

At all.

"Peyton." I grit out though clench teeth.

"Haley." She says in mock innocence. So with all the patience in the world I reach my hand into the small tub of ice cream sitting in Peyton's hand, get out at much as I can and hold it up for her to see. "You wouldn't…" then I proceed to rub it all in her face. "…dare."

"This is hot." Chris grins sitting up for a better view.

"You know," Peyton starts getting the majority of the ice cream off her face and flinging it elsewhere, "this is heading into the dangerous territory of bitch slapping."

"I dare you faux Goldilocks." I challenge never moving. We're staring at each other for a few moments in a locked death glare.

"Haley?" she smirks.

"What?" I finally ask glaring at her. "Fine truce. Lets be honest here Peyt. You like one Scott brother plus Jake and I happen to like both Scott brothers and kissing Jake. Chris, Tim is still up for grabs."

"I'm sorry?" Chris sputters shaking his head. "I don't think so. I'll take the hot red head though."

"I think she's got her hands full with Lucas, Felix, and who knows what else." I say breaking the news, wiping off my face and handing the towel to Peyton to do the same.

"Okay, look, this has gotten entirely too complicated in three days. We still have three weeks of this shit." Peyton points out.

"So what are we going to do about it? It's not like we can avoid these people. I mean I guess we don't have to see them outside of practice and games; well beside me tutoring Jake and you seeing Lucas at the children's home. And then there's Brooke coming over here to see Taylor and possibly bringing Nathan along. Rachel is in my third period and in your fourth. Then Tim… "

"Haley!" both Peyton and Chris shout at the same time.

"Rambling?" I ask and they nod. "Sorry."

"Well how did we avoid them before?"

"We talked about and annoyed the piss out of them." I answer which is pretty much the truth.

"And I'm guess that's out now huh?" Peyton grumbles falling back onto the bed.

"You know, this is all some big rectangle…plus like five." Chris says out of nowhere.

"You're special Chris, you know that?" I say reaching over and patting on him on his head which he swats away. "No, I think the best possible solution is to grit and bear it."

"That's all we've got?" Peyton asks, a hopeful expression on her face. "We don't have a plan B or anything?"

"Well as soon as I find out Rachel's 'big' secret I tend to hold that over her head. Jake will lay off you I'm sure; if anything so he can kiss me some more." I say which earns me yet another glare from Peyton. "Nathan and Lucas are just nice so I don't see why we avoid them."

"Besides the fact that you two are in love with them?" Chris pipes in which makes him receive death glares from both me and Peyton.

"Look, it's just three weeks. How much could happen in that amount of time?"

Apparently a lot.

* * *

The next day finds me waking up at Peyton's, stepping over Chris to get to the bathroom. I'm guessing my parents will be here sometime today and assuming everything, will probably be here for a couple of weeks. Oh don't worry, Taylor made my shit list.

"Every time I let you drive I swear it's going to be my last." I curse once Peyton slams to a stop in front of the school. Peyton shrugs as she turns off the car and grabs her bag. Chris kisses both of our cheeks and hops out of the convertible over the side.

"So uh, if I don't see you between now and practice, have a ton of fun." Chris says as he walks backwards into the school.

Right into Tim. Just who I needed to see.

"Are you okay?" I ask completely ignoring Chris and going straight to Tim. He looks rather speechless for a minute and Chris looks pissed but Tim accepts my hand to help him up. "You know it's funny that I, well Chris, ran into you. I actually needed to talk to you."

"You did?"

"Yes, I did." I confirm, looping my arm with his as we continue to walk. "Now, a little birdie told me that you knew something about a particular cheerleader."

"I don't know anything." He replies. He's so not a good liar.

"Now Tim, this same little birdie tells me that you spend more time watching Will and Grace than ESPN if you know what I mean. It would be a real shame…"

"You wouldn't." he says and I shrug innocently.

"I wouldn't if you would just tell me what big secret Rachel has; other than screwing with Felix." He gulps and seems to be thinking over his options. Poor shmuck.

"She's screwing someone else." He finally says to which I quirk up my eyebrow in interest. "Someone older."

Very interesting indeed.

"Well I'm looking for names here Tim."

"Cooper. Cooper Lee." He sighs. "He's Nathan and Lucas' uncle. He doesn't know that she's seventeen though."

"Now, my next questions are, how did you find out about this and what is Rachel doing for you so that her secret is kept safe?"

"I saw them together. Rachel's parents aren't really around so it was pretty easy for her to say to Cooper that she was house sitting. I just happen to see him going into her house. And as for you're second question, well she kinda hooked me up with someone."

"Oh. Well that's nice; I hope you're very happy." I reply and begin to walk off.

"Haley?" he calls out and I turn and face him. "You're not gonna tell anyone are you?"

"Nope. Lets just say Rachel's gonna hook me up too."

* * *

Now it's practice time. I haven't told Peyton yet about the big secret but I plan to confront Rachel sometime before practice is out. I'm really looking forward to pissing her off and wrapping her around my little finger. I'm going to make sure she regrets ever saying a shitty word about me.

"I suggest that you move your ass a bit more today." Rachel spat by me as I was lacing up my shoes. Wrong move bitch.

"Hey Rachel?" I ask to which she turns on her heel and glares at me. "I was wondering what you thought about dating older guys."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you see there's this guy, Cooper, and he's a bit older than me but he doesn't know that I'm seventeen. Do you think I should still date him?" I ask and she visibly blanches.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, no." she says through gritted teeth. Now her eyes match her hair; she's that pissed.

"I thought about it but I mean the sex is just so incredible."

"Incredible?" she gulps. I can practically see the steam billowing from her ears now.

"Amazing." I confirm. "I mean legally what we're doing is okay but I don't know if he'd be singing the same tune if he found out. And than he says he thinks he's falling for me. I'm not sure if that would remain true once the truth comes out."

"He's not married or anything?" she asks carefully.

"Nope. He has a girlfriend now and I guess you could call me the 'other woman' but he says she's clingy and whiney and not something he wants to put up too much longer. He just doesn't know how to break up with her. He says she's pretty crazy…."

"He's just using you." She blurts out, interrupting me. "I mean if he wanted to break up with meee…uh, the other woman than he would've done it by now."

"Maybe you're right." I sigh, laying on the emotion thick and sounding defeated.

"I am."

"But I'm not gonna end it."

"What!"

"I mean if all he's doing is using me than use away buddy. He's fantastic in the sack." I say and try not to laugh.

"I can't believe that you would be such a whore and a home wrecker." She retorts, disbelievingly. I clap my hands mockingly and stand up all while she looks at me strangely.

"You can't believe me? Well you get the award for the biggest hypocrite." I scoff. "Do you think about Lucas when you're whoring around with Cooper? Do you feel like much of a home wrecker when you let Felix climb on top of you? Oh wait. I'm sure you feel much more like a heart breaker huh?"

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Oh but I do Rachel dear. You're exactly what everyone thinks you are but nobody says. You're a whore; a damn good one at that but nevertheless. And when Lucas finds out, because he will find out, you'll understand." I explain walking over and patting her on the shoulder.

"Who told you all those lies?"

"Lies? Hmm, that's interesting. I wonder how Cooper would respond in knowing the truth to your lie. You're house sitting right? See now you have two options. Option A being you coming clean with Lucas and see where that leaves you. Or Option B which is where he finds you all by himself and he will leave you."

"So what? You want my boyfriend so you hold all this shit over my head to get me out of the picture?"

"No sweetie, I don't want Lucas. I want Lucas for Peyton. She won't treat him like crap and whore around like you do. So just take Option A and tuck your tail between your legs and go home."

"I really don't give a fuck what you think. I'm not taking either option because he's not going to find out. Lucas loves me and we're gonna get married so when the old man they like to call 'Dad' finally croaks we'll get an ass load of money and I'll be set for life. Plus with Lucas in the NBA I plan to be a trophy wife living the high life." She says and I can't help but laugh.

"You're delusional. When he finds out he'll be hurt and he'll drop your ass so fast, it'll be like you were fat all over again." I respond and her mouth hangs open in shock.

"How…"

"Didn't think I knew about you're little make over huh? Nobody else may have remembered the thick, quiet girl in our eighth grade year. You used to sit underneath the tree reading and watching people in envy with you're thick glasses perched on your fat nose."

"You are such a bitch."

"And then we come to high school and bam; you're the sexy Rachel Gettina with the slim waist, perky boobs, and thin nose. You're pathetic." I tell her and it looks as if she's about to cry. I don't feel sorry for her though, she really brought this on herself. "You know, when you came back the new you, you could've been nicer to the people beneath you; the same people that didn't have the money to rearrange themselves. So I don't feel bad for you one bit."

"What do you want from me?"

"I don't care for you much and I think you know that. I like to watch you squirm and hell maybe I'll even see you piss your cheer bloomers. But from this moment forward, I don't want any shit from you."

I'm determined to kick and bite and claw until I get peace out of this nightmare. I turn to leave and as she faces her back towards me she starts to speak. I don't turn around either; just nod my head as she speaks.

"You know, all this havoc you like to reek on everyone else's lives will come back to haunt you and you'll know what it feels like."


	7. Lost and Found

**A/N: Look what I did! Look what I did! I popped out a chapter. Aren't you excited. I hope this is good. I wasn't expecting it to go in this direction but this is where it went. I'm about 76 happy with it. I'm so sorry its taken so long to update. My life has sucked. Anyway, enjoy and drop the love. :)**

Lost and Found

After my encounter with Rachel, she stays away from me during practice which is just fine with me. Brooke is surprisingly missing from practice today which is okay seeing as how Nathan can't keep his eyes off of me. And what's really funny is Lucas and Peyton keep making googly eyes at one another.

"Hales!" Nathan calls out to me as I'm walking to my car. Peyton ducked out early and I'm thinking he's keeping something from me. I turn around and continue to walk backwards to my car as Nathan jogs up to me.

"Did you like you're little show?"

"Show?"

"Well Mr. Scott, you couldn't keep your eyes off of me." I smile and he actually blushes.

"I see you still have my bracelet." He says picking up the pink plastic and popping it against my wrist. Now it's my turn to blush. We make it my car and I throw my bag in and lean up against it. He's standing in front of me, hands shoved deep in his pockets, shifting from foot to foot. "So…"

"Ah, Mr. Suave doesn't have any words." I tease, lightly pushing on his chest. "What do you want Nathan?"

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately."

"Oh?"

"Well, not like that. I guess you just intrigue me, that's all." He says and I quirk up an eyebrow. He leans in close to my ear and whispers the next sentence. "I think I might like you."

"Think?" is all I can respond with. Wow, I'm witty today. Wait. "What about Brooke?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm complicated." I challenge. He backs away slightly and I run my fingers through my hair dropping my keys in the process. We both lean down at the same time to grab them, our hands grazing when we reach them at same time. We look at one another, our noses touching, lips close enough to taste his breath.

Oh good God.

Normally, I would've leaned in and kissed him. But being this close to him is making my stomach turn and do flip flops in a way I didn't think possible. I hesitate and he blinks grabbing his bearing and his virtue. He leans back on the car behind him and I do the same.

"I'm sorry." He says shaking his head.

"You need to get you're shit together." I finally bite out, getting up and into my car, and speeding away.

* * *

Have I mentioned that mornings are _not_ my thing? I'm waking up in Chris' apartment and I can barely see Peyton lying half way off the couch, drooling. Attractive. My head flops over to the other side where I'm disgusted to learn that I'm in Keller's bed. And he's snoring. Great. Oh no, we didn't do that. Gross.

Chris got emancipated two years ago because his parents where hippies that decided to live out of a Volkswagen van painted like the Mystery Machine. It was actually pretty nice when my parents happened to be in town. As for last night, I was up well past 3 am having a jam session with Chris and I am sorely regretting it. It's not like I can actually play at a gig can I? Stupid cheer sluts.

I haven't told Peyton about my conversation with Rachel and I can't exactly place why. Partly, I think she'd be mad about interfering in her business. But mostly, I haven't figured out what I'm going to do about it. What I mean is yeah, she's gonna get off my case but what else? I have brainstorming to do.

"Morning sunshine." Chris grumbles from beside me. I often wonder why we never hooked up. He's cute in that 'I can play a guitar', Sonic the hedgehog kinda way. "Mmm, you slept in the Keller's bed I see."

Oh yeah. He talks in the third person. _That's _why.

"What time is it?" I hear Peyton mumble from across the room. She gets up and rubs her face, making sure to goop her saliva in her hair in the process.

"Time for you to take a shower kid." I tell her getting up and swinging my feet over the side of the bed. I watch my feet dangle off the side of the bed and pick at the hem of Chris' oversized t shirt as she gets up and heads for the bathroom. Chris snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me back to where my head is lying on his chest.

"What's wrong?" he asks pushing my hair out of my face.

"Nothing." I lie. Truth be told, I didn't even sleep last night. This whole mushy feeling I get with Nathan is screwing me over and the near kiss keeps playing in my mind. Not only that, but my parents and Taylor really messes up my mojo.

"Why is it that you can never lie to me?"

"Maybe I don't want to."

"You know this thing with your parents; it'll get better. This is our last year and you have to deal with them any longer. Trust me, I know about crappy parents."

"Yeah, I know." I respond tapping his nose lightly. "It's just this and Nathan and this whole cheerleading thing…we're just thrown into this world that's not our own. We didn't ask for it and it sucks." I sigh.

"You really like Nathan don't you?"

"He's a saint. He's nice. He doesn't do any wrong. But I guess what really gets me is that when he looks at me, I dunno, I feel like he's seeing the real me and not the girl who reeks all this havoc on everything. Like all my bluster and BS don't mean shit to him."

Wow. I can't believe I'm saying all of this. Chris looks at me thoughtfully and I give him a small smile. I see something flicker in his eyes that I can't quite place. He bites his lower lip, something he never does, and before I know what's happening, he's kissing me.

It's nice.

"I see you." He says pulling away. I'm not sure what to make of this really. I'm making out with Jake one night, and falling for Nathan, and now I'm kissing my best friend and liking it. So…I do what I would normally do in this situation with anybody else.

I kiss him some more.

Somehow, I just can't bring myself to say anything to him. If my guessing is right, I know I don't feel the same way about him as he seems to feel about me. I can't do that do him. But I can let him have a piece of me that will have to suffice. My heart remains tucked away; untouched and unharmed.

He's nervous, I can tell. His hands are shaking as they run the length of my body. He lifts up and flips me to where I am now on my back and he's hovering over me. Hell, even I'm tense. My own hands tremble as they play with the hem of his wife beater.

We're stalling.

All I have on is his shirt and a pair of panties; something that can easily be removed and yet he doesn't do it. On my end, his shirt and boxers can be taken off fairly uncomplicated and I don't do it. We stop kissing long enough for him to gaze at me, tracing the outline of my face with his finger. I feel his other hand resting on my inner thigh contemplating whether or not to go for it.

I kiss him letting him know that it's okay.

"Haley?" he asks as his lips run from my jaw line to my ear.

"Hmm?" I ask and I can barely hear his muffled response. "What?"

"I love you."

Shit.

I put my hand on his chest and it forces him to look at me. Suddenly, I'm snapped back to harsh reality of the situation. I'm about to give myself to my best friend. My best friend who is in love with me. My best friend who I'm not in love with. He looks at me curiously and his breathing become slower once I don't say anything for few minutes and start to play with his dog tags.

"Haley." He commands and my eyes snap up to his.

"You had to ruin it."

"Oh my God! My eyes! My eyes!" Peyton screams and Chris blows out his breath and rolls to the side of me. How did I forget about her?

"Peyton, calm the fuck down." I say and at the same time Chris and I get up on either side of the bed, both of us pulling on pants. It's quiet for a few minutes as I stare at Peyton and Chris gets up and slams out the front door.

"Tell me…tell me that wasn't what I think it was going to be." Peyton finally says sitting down beside me on the bed. "Hales…"

"I know okay? I know." I say getting up and pacing. "You know, it's just that we have so much in common. And then there's you; because you don't do the emotional gushy stuff and so when there is the off chance that I get that way he's just always been there for me. It's just that the stuff with my parents…it always messes me up. Then there's the whole thing with Nathan…"

"You can't have Nathan Hales." Peyton points out.

"No shit." I snap, leaning up against the counter.

"No, what I mean is, you're just using Chris as a substitute and it's not fair. He really cares about you."

"I screwed up Peyt."

* * *

That next week was pure hell. _"You've reached the voicemail of the Keller...congradulations."_ Leaving Chris 27 voicemails didn't help anything I soon found out. I couldn't fix this. He avoided me like the plague. Peyton informed me that she had in fact talked to him and to make me feel completely shitty, apparently he was bad off. God, I really could be a bitch sometimes.

On a brighter note, practice flew bye that week with me causing no more trouble to anyone and vice versa. Nathan tried to talk to me once but I quickly made an excuse and bolted. I really didn't need anything else to go wrong and being around Nathan just completely screwed up my wiring.

Today is Friday and tonight is a game night. We're playing in Pinkerton and I could not be less thrilled. Not only is it an hour away, but it's in the middle of nowhere. The ride in Peyton's car is fairly sullen; I'm still upset about Chris and Peyton is brooding.

I don't even ask why.

We're pretty much kicking the opposing teams asses and clearly we're gonna win. Sometime in the fourth quarter, Felix and one of the Pinkerton hicks get into a fight and slam into Peyton. And I, in another completely uncharacteristic move, help her to the team doctor.

By the time she gets done, she's loopy, stumbling, and the game is well over. I glare at the pip squeak team doctor and he mumbles an excuse about her finding something on the floor. So now I have a giggly Peyton latched around my neck.

Perfect.

"Do you want some help?" my head snaps up to see Brooke standing in the middle of the hallway. I hoist Peyton up on my hips and finally concede, nodding my head. Brooke comes to the other side of Peyton and throws her arm around her shoulder.

We toss Peyton in the backseat of her car, ass in the air, cheer bloomers and all and I go to get in the drivers seat. Brooke asks if I want her to come with me and I reluctantly say yes. I mean it wouldn't hurt. I just warn her to stay away from the stereo and begin the long drive.

"You know Peyton and I used to be close before, well before her dad left." Brooke says about fifteen minutes into the journey. I glance at her before turning my attention back to the road, not giving her a response. "I don't think it would be a bad thing for us to be friends. I mean, I wouldn't be completely opposed to it."

"I don't want to be you're friend Brooke." I tell her honestly, without the slightest bit of bitterness in my voice. "I appreciate what you did tonight but you and I both know that come Monday, you're gonna go back to you're friends and I'll go back to mine. And in two weeks we'll be off each other's radars completely."

"Nathan and I aren't getting along anymore." She says quietly and I don't respond to this. I'm not quite sure what to say. "I mean, I guess we were never supposed to be some epic romance but I thought, in time, it would be different. But he's the captain of the basketball squad and I'm the captain of the cheerleading squad and it just sorta fits."

"Brooke, I…"

"I'm in love with someone else." She blurts out. My head jerks in her direction and I watch as a few tears fall from her eyes. I tear my eyes away from her and back to road, clearing my throat. "But Nathan, he's a good match. We fit, like I said. This other guy, well my parents would never approve and they would cut me off."

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I finally ask. She sobs louder and not even I can help but feel sorry for her.

"I dunno, really. I know you care about Nathan." She responds and when I go to protest she holds up her hand. "It's okay. I can't really stop you from doing that; he's a great guy. It's just that all my other 'friends' aren't really that at all. They wouldn't understand the problem that I'm faced with. Clearly, my choice should be Nathan."

"Look, at some point, you gotta start living your life for you. You're parents and friends and society can't be the ruling factor in what makes you happy. Who is it anyway?"

"Did you know I make clothes?" she asks and I shake my head no. "Yup, my own line of clothing, Clothes over Bros. I had to go to this fashion show in Charlotte a few months ago and afterwards I went to this club. And there he was guitar and a voice to die for. And after that we met up a couple of times; exchanged emails; had four am phone calls."

"Chris?" I gulp and she nods sadly. "Too bad he's so in love with you. It's funny, how you want my boyfriend and I want you're best friend. And both of them are so stuck on you."

"But Chris never said…"

"He wouldn't though, would he? He knows how much you despise me. I just thought maybe you could talk to him; maybe try to convince him to see the good in me."

"Did he, uh, did he tell you what happened?" I inquire painfully. She lets out a small laugh and nods.

"Yeah, he was, I dunno. I guess it gave him the final confirmation that it was never going to happen with you. He came to me that morning, but I haven't talked to him since. "

"What are you going to do?"

"Stay with Nathan."

I nod and let the silence consume us once more. I can't figure out if I'm more jealous of Brooke having Nathan or of Brooke being with Chris. It's ridiculous since I shouldn't be of either but there it is. I guess now I understand why Nathan was the way he was last week in the parking lot.

We finally reach Peyton's house, but not before passing Chris' apartment to where both Brooke and I look out longingly. I really miss him. Brooke helps me bring Peyton upstairs and she flops on the bed like a wet noodle. I don't even bother undressing her and walk downstairs with Brooke.

"So, I'm not really good at the whole thanks and wholesome thing." I say as I stand in the doorway.

"Don't worry about it Haley. It was the least I could do for you actually listening to me." She laughs and shakes her head. "I'll see you around."

"Brooke!" I call out after her. She turns and looks at me curiously. I roll my eyes at my own insanity and walk down off the porch and up the pathway to where she's standing. "Thanks, really."

"Friends?" she prods sticking her hand out. Hesitantly, I take his and give it a small shake.

"Friends."


	8. Move Along

**A/N: Thanks for all the review guys...keep the coming. Next chapter should be quite interesting...:)**

Move Along

I am a firm believer that Monday morning should be illegal. They're horrid events. Not only that, but my weekend blew. I couldn't even work on my music because I didn't have Chris over my shoulder bitching at how sucky it is. I miss him; more than I care to admit to anyone but leaving him another sixteen voicemails didn't help.

Voicemail. I hope we don't have that crap in the future.

"Hey Haley." I turn around to see Brooke, dimpled smile and all, walking up to me and Peyton. Before I can even responded Peyton has already given Brooke her infamous drop dead look.

"Hey Brooke." I responded politely and I think I actually floored Peyton by my actions. "How's it going?"

"Dude, what the fuck is this?" Peyton asks and I can see Brooke visibly wince.

"Peyton, I…" I try but it's too late. She stalks off before I can even explain.

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"Because I don't even really understand it myself and so I couldn't make her."

"Understand what exactly? Oh we're civilized to one another? Good god it's the end of the world."

Okay so now Brooke is pissed at me?

"Look, I gotta go find Peyton." I say and walk off.

I find Peyton exactly where I think she'll be and take a seat beside her. I take it we're skipping school today since we're not exactly at school right now. I never understood why she comes to the boardwalk over looking the river but it's her thing and I respect that.

"She helped me take your loopy ass home Friday night. I couldn't exactly be mean to her. I mean I could have but damn it, I'm losing my touch."

"It's not that. I don't care if you're nice to Brooke." Peyton says looking at me and giving me a sad smile. "My dad's getting married."

"Oh shit. Peyton, if you want to talk…"

"No, no. It's just my Mom told me yesterday and I couldn't mad at her because she looked so sad but I was pissed at him and well I took it out on you. I am sorry."

"Should we go egg his house?" I ask seriously and nudge her which evokes a small smile.

"Nah but we could crash the wedding…drunk."

"That would be awesome." I agree. "You're sure you're okay with this?"

"Are you trying to do the mushy emotional stuff?"

"Whatever you need you Peyt." I reply and she sighs.

"She's already got two kids…one's my age. You know it's like give this family to the Goodwill and go out and buy you a new one from Target."

"Yeah but thrift stores are way cooler than brand stores. Maybe you're mom will meet someone and she'll get remarried too."

"Dude now you're freaking me out." She laughs.

"Fine. So since it's not almost third period and we have yet to come to school…I was thinking the beach would be a nice refuge. Oh! My parent's boat is just sitting there in the water…"

"All by its lonesome self…"

"Just dying to get out and hit the high seas…"

"Lets go." We both say at the same time.

We don't have any swim suits, no towels, and no permission to go out but right now with everything going on in our lives we really don't give a shit. Somehow all the drama over the past couple of weeks fades away as we laugh and make our way down to the dock where the boat is awaiting us.

Except that it's empty.

Which only means one thing…

"So I'm guessing you're parents were thinking the same thing?" Peyton asks trying to suppress her smirk.

"Apparently so." I sigh and then groan as I see their yacht pulling up to the dock. "Peyt, we gotta jet."

"You gotta face them sometime Haley."

"Peyton! Not now." I say through clenched teeth but it's too late. The boat is docked and my parents are getting of, Taylor, Mouth, and baby to be in tote.

"Haley dear? Is that you?" my mother practically screeches waltzing down the ramp. I wince and make a mental note to kill Peyton later on. "And Penny, so great to see you."

"It's Peyton." Peyton spats out in a huff.

"We were just leaving." I try my very best to leave at that point but Taylor being the grand sister she is just has to butt in.

"And we were just about to go to dinner. You and Peyton should come; it'll be a family reunion type of thing."

"No, that's okay."

"Haley will you be needing a lift?" my father says from behind everyone and I know then that I'm royally screwed. I don't disobey him. It's impossible.

But I'm doing it.

"Dad, we're not going."

"As long as you're living under my roof, you will do what I say." He responds menacingly.

Ooo…I'm real scared.

"Well that can be rearranged." I remark to which my mother gasps and Taylor rolls her eyes. "You're never there anyway; I could be having orgies in there and running a brothel but you wouldn't no the difference would you? Because the whole three days you're there out of a year it's spotless and perfect…the very antithesis of me…the daughter you so conveniently forgot."

"Very well then." He responds and begins to walk past me. "That very well can be arranged. Lydia, Taylor, Marvin…come along now."

To say I'm stunned is quite an understatement.

"Well I see Taylor hasn't popped yet." I say which is the only thing I can say to cover up what I'm really feeling.

"Could you imagine how much of a brat that kid would be?"

"Only the biggest."

"Dude, back there with you're parents…"

"It's cool. I mean I've always been on my own anyway."

"Yeah but you had their money…I'll talk to Anna and see if you can crash at our place for a bit longer."

"Maybe…" I start and sigh. I so don't want to ask her this next question but it's driving me crazy. "Hey Peyton, have you talked to Chris at all?"

"Hales, look I know you're sorry and all but you gotta give Chris some time. Besides that, he hasn't really been talking to me either. I think he has a another friend and we're out of the loop." She jokes but deep down I know that it's true.

He's got his own Brookie Cookie.

Woo hoo.

"Look, I hate to cut this short but I kinda promised Jake I would baby sit his little sister…" Peyton says eying me weird.

"Dude I don't care." I say and she blows out her breath in relief.

"Thanks, I'll catch you later." She says running off. I don't even notice that I've now walked further than I intended to and I'm not coming up on the river court. Squinting in the distance I see a figure shooting flawless into the goal. Getting closer I realize who it is.

Lucas.

A very pissed off Lucas.

"Hey!" I shout to him stepping up on the concrete and he shoots me an annoyed glare before returning to the task at hand. "Okay how about this?" I ask and lift up my t-shirt and put it back down quickly. He looks at me for a second and chuckles, shaking his head. "See, now that's better."

"Look, Haley, I'm really not in the mood." He says and I roll my eyes. Guys can be so pissy sometimes. I walk underneath the goal and catch the ball as it falls through the hoop.

"Geez Luke, pop a Pamprin." I chuck the ball at him and for a few minutes he shoots and I catch and it starts all over again. "So why aren't you in school?"

"I had a bad night last night." He responds vaguely. I stare at him for probably a good five minutes before he finally rolls his eyes and blows out his breath. "Rachel's been cheating on me."

"Oh. I thought it was going to be something new."

"You knew!"

"Kid, everyone knew."

"Great. So now I look like a complete douche bag." He mutters throwing the ball into the river.

"Well at least you're cute." I retort and he glares at me. "Come on, lighten up. When's the last time you let loose and had fun?"

"I have fun all the time."

"Oh really?" I ask quirking up my eyebrow. "Now Lucas Scott…I'm not talking about watching the Notebook and grabbing a coke with the 'group' at Karen's café."

"Oh no, you mean the kind of fun that involves trashing gyms and getting stuck on a cheerleading squad." He mocks and I can't help but giggle a bit.

"Well seeing you in a skirt probably wouldn't turn me on as much but…hey, we could always try and find out." I wink and he actually smiles. "Oh my God. Is Lucas Scott actually smiling?"

"I smile." He defends unconvincingly and his grin widens.

"Let me try to take your mind off Rachel…come with me tonight and I promise you won't be disappointed."

And to my surprise…he agrees.

"Lets go."


	9. Screwed and Tattooed

**A/N: We'll see if you guys like this chapter. I kinda did. There's a bit of a cliffhanger at the end...oOo...no, don't go to the end to see either :-p. Enjoy and hit that little button at the end to leave some love. **

Screwed and Tattooed

Ok, waking up to unfamiliar environment…bad. Rolling over to see Lucas beside me…very bad. Lucas shirtless…very very bad. Not remember anything clearly about last night…holy shit. This is bad, oh boy, this is so bad. Wait, I have to get out of here. I can't let him wake up and see me with him. And great, it's a school day too.

Luckily, my clothes seem to be intact. Unfortunately, I don't have time to go home and change and my clothes aren't exactly what I would call 'school' attire. In fact I know I'm breaking at least four dress code rules. I give one last glance at Lucas and sigh because this is so bad. Peyton is going to kick my ass from here to kingdom come and back again.

Sneaking out isn't as easy as I thought it would be. This house is more than massive and I don't even remember how I got up here much less how to get back out. Crap. How do I always mange to situate myself into these messes? Okay stairs, that's always a good sign right? Okay making my way down stairs is fairly easy…oh! I see the door. I am home free.

"Haley?"

Or not.

"Hi Nathan." I say bashfully turning around and smiling at him. He's standing at the kitchen counter making something that smells and looks really divine to my growling stomach.

"What are you doing here?"

"I uh, well…" I'm searching for words, for wit, for a brain here and finding nada. I bite my lower lip and stare at the ceiling like and explanation is going to pop down from the chandelier. "It's kinda complicated."

"You spent the night." He concludes tersely and I nod my head. Oh boy, he's pissed.

"Yeah, well Lucas, see he kinda had a rough day yesterday and I kinda appointed myself to making him feel better…" I explain but I can tell by the look on his face this is going over well with him. "Okay, well I'm just gonna go now…" I say turning around and dropping my keys in the process.

Hello, my name is Haley and I am a klutz.

Hi Haley!

"What the hell is that?" he shouts as I bend over to retrieve my keys. I turn around looking frantically as to what has got him so freaked out.

"What?"

"The tattoo on your ass." He says walking up to me lifting up my shirt slightly and showing me my **permanent** marking.

"Above my ass, actually." I correct pushing my shirt down. Wait, what was that? "Oh, I am going to kill Lucas." I seethe stomping up the stairs back to Lucas's room, Nathan hot on my heels. "Lucas Eugene! Wake up right now!" I yell pulling the covers from his body and throwing them to the floor.

He grumbles something incoherently and rolls over which only serves to enrage me more. I reach over and shove him on his back and take the opportunity to twist both of his nipples making him yelp out in pain. He sits up abruptly, rubbing his eyes trying to make out what is going on.

"You jerk!" I say shoving him back down on the bed.

"Jesus, Haley, what the hell was that for?"

"Hey Luke, you remember anything about last night? Anything at all?"

"Not really." He says scratching his head in thought.

"Does this jog you're memory a bit?" I ask sarcastically smacking his upper arm.

"Oww, damn it." He whines, his hand instantly covering his own **permanent** marking. He removes his hand, noticing the dark black ink on his skin and even I can't help but crack a smile as his eyes widening in shock.

"Dad is going to kill you." Nathan pipes up.

"Screw Dad. My mom is going to rip me a new one." Lucas replies still in shock. "How did this happen?" he asks me and I roll my eyes.

"Oh you don't remember us getting drunk, playing pool, and discussing the musical note on my back and thinking it might be fun for you to get one?" I ask refreshing his memory a bit. "Oh but the best part, really was when you said 'hey how about you get another one…one that I'll pick out for you'!"

"Well you did pick out mine…it's only fair!" he argues and I in turn glare at him.

"But yours means fun!" I scream before turning around and showing him my new tattoo. "You branded your jersey number on my ass!"

"It's above your ass!"

"Okay, okay calm down." Nathan says getting in between the two of us. I blow out my breath in frustration and turn around trying to gain my composure. Yeah that works for a whole two seconds before I walk right over to Lucas and slap him again in the arm.

"That's for being a jackass!"

Clearly my life sucks right now. I have the number '3' plastered on my lower back for all to see, Nathan is mad at me, and the worse part is, I don't recall what happened after we got our tattoos. Meaning I don't know if I should worry or not about what happened in between that and Lucas becoming shirtless.

I'm leaving now, pounding down the stairs in my typical huff. I never thought Saint Lucas would get under my skin so much. I reach the door just time for none other than Dan Scott to walk in, dripping wet in sweat obviously keeping the heart attacks at bay. He smirks at me and looks me up and down to which I mutter something along the lines of 'yeah right' and slam out the door.

I have to walk since I didn't drive, thankfully, because I'm only one of the worse drivers out there. I think I fairly resemble a hooker right now and honestly I could care less. I'm trying to piece together the events of last night and pretty much failing miserably.

"Haley! Wait up!" I turn around to see Nathan driving slowly up the road and coming to a stop by the sidewalk. He gets out of the car and hands me the clothes in his hands. "It's some of my mom's sweats…they're clean I mean but I figured you would want to wear something other than that to school."

"Thanks." I mumble sheepishly taking the clothes from him. "Listen, I don't really know what happened last night…"

"Hey, it's okay. It's none of my business right?"

"Right." I agree, nodding my head. But it is his business, it does bother him, and more over, it bothers me that it bothers him. "Listen, I gotta…"

"I could give you a lift?"

Silence is clearly golden right now. I hopped in the back seat and changed in the sweats and now the only sound is some crappy song repeating 'Holiday' because I made the mistake of pushing the tape into the player. He's not saying anything to me but a part of me knows that he's still upset.

Hell, even I am.

And I have yet to feel the wrath of Hurricane Peyton.

Oh the horror.

I mutter thanks to Nathan as he pulls into the school, bolting as quickly as I can. I feel like we could have one of those awkward morning after a one night stand talks at any moment…and we didn't even do anything. I don't know what my problem is; first Chris and now this. Karma is definitely not my strong suit.

"So Trick, I'm down with the whole grungy look, but this is more a bad one night stand kinda look." Peyton says coming up to me and slinging her arm over my shoulder.

"You'd almost be right."

"What!" she screeches, which isn't great since I did drink last night, and stops in a dead halt in front of me. "Details…now."

"You don't wanna know." I say cheerfully trying to convince her that she really doesn't want to know. She smiles for a few seconds thinking that I'm about to tell her but when I start tugging on my ear she knows something's up. Her smile drops to a frown in two seconds flat.

"What did you do?" she asks bluntly and puts her hand on her boney hips. "Haley!"

"I…I don't know what it was okay?" I blow out tried of not having a decent explanation.

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"I kinda got another tattoo."

"That's a bad thing? I mean it's not like you got someone's name tattooed on you're ass." She tries to joke but the laughter dies on her lips once I turn around and lift up my shirt.

"No, I got someone's jersey number tattooed above my ass." I clarify and when I turn around, Peyton is walking away. I've been seeing a lot of her skinny ass these days. "Peyton! Come on!" I call after her finally jogging to her, trying to keep up with her pissed off pace.

"How could you Haley?" she yells coming to an abrupt stop. "Do you really have to be such a slut?"

Whoa.

That was uncalled for.

Actually, that kinda…_hurt_.

"You of all people know that's not true." I spat trying to keep the tears from falling. I don't cry. "And I didn't sleep with him!"

"Oh I get it. It's team spirit right?" she smirks rolling her eyes.

"You, " I say pointing my finger in her chest, "don't know anything about it."

"Well," she says mimicking my previous motions, "why don't you fill me in."

"He found out that Rachel was cheating on him and he was upset…"

"And you were just the person to make him feel all better huh?" Peyton interrupts making sure she sounds as condescending as possible.

"We were just having fun. We drank a few beers and shot some pool. The tattoo thing, I didn't even know about until this morning. We agreed to pick out one another's design and I didn't remember what he picked out for me."

"So you spent the night with him? Is that why Nathan brought you to school?"

"Yes." I admit and it hurts to watch the pain flicker through her eyes.

"You kissed him huh?" she asks and I watch as her eyes begin to cloud with tears.

"Yes."

"Why him Haley? I mean Jake, and Nathan, and Chris; I get that. But why Lucas? Why the one guy who actually looks at me and doesn't see some pissed off girl who hates everyone? Did you even think about me? No, of course not. All it is in your world is Haley, Haley, Haley. Screw everyone else!"

This time I don't run after her. Now, I've officially lost both of my best friends. I'm starting to wonder if what Rachel said was true. Do I really bring this one myself? Of course I do. I don't have to stir up trouble but I do and I don't think about how it's going to hurt Chris or hurt Peyton or anyone else…or myself.

I'm supposed to be invincible.

Before I know what's happening to me, I'm running blindly away from the school. I don't care if it's the second time this week I've skipped school. I care that I'm being a baby; I care that I'm cry and babbling like an idiot; and I care that no one is coming after me to make sure I'm okay.

Can't say I really blame anyone though.

I'm not the most decent person right now.

I end up at the football field, finding a place in the middle somewhere and plopping down. I can't remember the last time I cried but I guess today would be as a day as any to do so. I don't know how long I'm sitting there before I feel a pair of arms wrap securely around me.

"It's okay." He whispers in my hair and I nod and look at him.

"No, not really. I messed up. I can't take this back." I sniffle and he gives me a sad smile as he wipes away my tears and puts my hair behind my ears. "I'm so sorry Nathan."

"You don't have to apologize Hales."

"You know, I could always put a '2' in front of that '3'." I joke which gets a chuckle out of him.

"I don't know how thrilled Brooke would be about that." He murmurs before letting me go.

I almost forgot about Brooke.

He's looking at me pretty intensely now and I shift under his gaze. I don't know how he unnerves me so much, but it's always been this way with us. You know that tingly sensation you get at the pit of your stomach when you're just deliriously happy? Looking at him gives me the mushy gushy feeling.

"We shouldn't do this." I sigh but neither one of us makes a move to separate. But in the back of my mind I'm still thinking about Brooke being in love with Chris and staying with Nathan still thinking about how much I want him for myself.

"We shouldn't." he agrees and inches his face closer. "But I miss kissing you."

"Yeah…"

Fireworks.

Just like two summers ago.


	10. Unsaid

**Enjoy! Drop some love :) and thanks for all the reviews. **

Unsaid

He always did taste of something bittersweet that made me feel like I should never truly have it. And when I pulled apart from him, that feeling never faltered. I couldn't keep him. It was wrong, and even I could see that. His eyes never left mine and I watched as his passion died down and the guilt set in. He went to say something but I held up my hand stopping him before he could even utter a word.

"Save it Nathan. I know you're sorry."

What is wrong with me?

Okay so maybe I left out a few details about my relationship with Nathan.

Alright, I omitted the whole thing.

It's complicated; but then again what isn't in my life?

"Can we at least talk about this before you shut me out?" he asks, almost pleadingly. This is what I do though…when the going gets tough I shut down.

"I'm sorry." I whisper throwing my head back and watching the sky above.

"Why is it such a constant struggle with you? When things are good, they're the best it gets. But when you let your demons consume you it's like a train wreck. I couldn't let you bring me down with you because your so insecure." He snaps and my head does the same to glare at him. His eyes soften and he sighs sadly. "I'm sorry Hales…"

"Did you finally decide to buy them in bulk?"

"This is why we never made it in the first place!"

I can't tell you why we didn't make it. Maybe I should start by telling you how we got started to begin with. It just sorta happened one day and I chalked it up to some kind of kismet that I wasn't aware of. He bumped into me, spilling coffee on me, pissing me off, and making me fall in love with him all at the same time.

I guess you could call it a summer romance but once you got past the longing glazes and stolen kisses, reality stepped in and took over. The journey lasted three months and I'm not a selfish enough person to think that it wasn't enough time. Because when you love someone completely, like I knew I loved him, and he makes you feel the same, even a moment is worth it.

But he's right; I never let him see what he wanted to see. He wanted me to let him in, past the walls I put up and take a peak into my heart. I kept him at arms length, like most people in my life but there was something different about him. He could just look at me and we would just…I dunno, we connected. My rational was if he got in, he could hurt me and disappoint me and that wasn't something I was willing to let happen. Not from him.

If he did something to piss me off, I did something worse. It was my defense mechanism, something that kept me straight and clear away from pain. Eventually, only time would stand the test of his love and he would wear out from the battle it was.

We fought constantly over everything; we were so different sometimes it was scary. I didn't know that he had a tattoo on his shoulder; he didn't know I could sing with the best of them; and we didn't know that we would fall in love. But we always knew that we were it for one another.

Until it ended.

I saw it coming; in fact, I'm pretty sure it was a direct result of my actions. I realized that soon school would be starting up and being on the arm of the up and coming sophomore that landed a spot on the Varsity team, didn't exactly seem kosher to my well being.

So I bailed.

It didn't surprise me much that he told me he had been talking to Brooke Davis for quite some time. In fact, it didn't bother me at all that he never told anyone of our relationship. To this day, not even Chris knows. I think a part of us wanted to, not because we were ashamed of one another, but because he was mine and I was his and that was our little secret in the world.

So when school started and I saw Brooke hanging on his arm, I just smirked at him and made sure he knew how disgusted I was. I would be lying to say that I was okay with the whole thing, but I don't lie much. It cut me pretty deep and I guess I never really thought he fought that hard for me.

For that, I resented him.

Mostly though, I resented myself.

It was for the best though and after awhile I accepted that. Pretty soon Peyton came along and eventually the whole thing faded away. I never forgot him though, or the fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw his stolen glances.

"No Nathan, we never made it because we didn't fight hard enough for one another."

"You let me walk away."

"I was never one to hold you back from anything you wanted to do and you know that. I did whatever I wanted and you could do the same. I demanded nothing of you. If you wanted to walk away, that was your choice; I wasn't about to stop you."

"You were a coward." He says, almost spitefully, and I shrug.

"And you were a disappointment." I respond to which he gets downright angry at. "What? You know, when you took me out to the River Court for the first time and I watched you play…God, you were so beautiful. The grace you possess with that ball; you are truly gifted. I don't doubt you'll do great things with you're life Nathan and I never did. But when it came down to something you truly wanted, you walked away without so much of a second glance."

He looks away shaking his head and for a minute it reminds me of the many fights we had. Pissing him off was what I did best, but for the most part he had a two second rebound. All I had to do saunter up to him, kiss that sensitive spot right below his earlobe and the whole thing was forgotten. I doubt I could that with as much effectiveness now.

"I never wanted to let you go." He murmurs so low, I almost don't hear him. My mouth opens to say something but the words die on my lips once he starts speaking. "I wish I could've locked you in a room with me where I could always be with you. But I realized that life moved on and you were gonna stay stuck someplace and I didn't want to venture there with you."

I suppose the hurt was on both ends of the spectrum. I knew that then when I would intentionally not call him, or skips dates, or flirt with other guys in front of him. If he was hurting, he wouldn't hurt me. It wasn't in his nature to get revenge on someone.

"I bring out the very worse in you." I tell him and the look he's giving me is that of disappointment. I don't think that he's disappointed in me, but in himself because he couldn't save me.

I wasn't going to let him.

"I mean," I continue to sit on my soap box, "what we had was hard as hell. We were so difficult…"

"It was worth it to me." He says honestly.

"And you were worth enough for me to let you go." I reply sadly. He brings his hand up, cradling the side of my face, and looks me longingly. He kisses me softly on the lips and lingers there for a moment afterwards. Then he pulls me into his arms and I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I loved you, you know." He voices in my ear and I lift my head up to look at him and nod. Of course I knew. It was the same with me, my heart was never really beating, and I was never really beating until I was in his arms.

The words never fluttered out of our mouths but we always knew.

"Why couldn't we make it work? I mean really?" he asks earnestly and I let out a heavy sigh. I don't want to go down this path with him, not really, but I suppose he deserves some explanation as to why.

"We didn't really fit."

"We fit perfectly."

"Do we really have to discuss the crappy points of our relationship now? Two years later?" I query, slightly perturbed and I can tell with the look on his face his questions are not going to be deterred. "How about we never got along? How about we never agreed on anything? How about you were some big hot shot that everyone idolized and I was the giant wrecking ball?"

"So?" he interjects but I keep going as if he never said a word.

"You had to know that it was never going to work out. For one, we were only sixteen; it was bound to never end up an epic romance. And two, how do we really know what love is at our age?"

"Don't tell me what I felt Haley." He says in a low rumble. Nathan was always good natured and gregarious but at the same time he could get down right menacing when you struck the right cords.

I always seemed to know just where to pluck.

"It didn't matter that we were sixteen. What mattered was when I was with you; nothing could touch me because I was at peace. What mattered was I could look at you always and your beauty would never cease to amaze me. Yeah, you could piss me off to no end but you were the only one to take it away. Lucas used to ask me why I had such a goofy ass grin plastered on my face all the time…it was because I was thinking of you."

For once, I'm rendered speechless.

"You shouldn't say those things."

"Why not? They're true. I never lied to you and I don't intend to start now." His words are tugging at my heart and I almost let him in. I pull back though because reality hits me. He's with Brooke. He's not mine anymore.

"No, but are you gonna lie to Brooke?" I ask quietly, looking at him directly in the eyes. He looks away from me guilty and begins picking at the grass. "You know, I'm not her biggest fan but you can kiss me and not tell her. That's cheating Nathan."

"Thank you Saint Haley." He bits out annoyed. I'm surprised to say the least. He was never really this harsh to me. I chose to ignore it.

"What do you want me to say? You're in a relationship Nathan. And you can't sit there and act like your not gonna stay with her. Because you and I both know that you will. She fit into your prefect little world. I never did."

We sit in silence now, something we used to do often. I think sometimes the pressure of being a hot shot got to him and he relished in my serenity. I didn't expect anything from him and didn't hold him in such high regard like everyone else. The silence isn't stifling, not by far, but it's weighed down by our thoughts.

What could've been.

I glance up briefly when I hear the bell ring and my head drops right back down to where I was staring before. Things always happen for a reason I think, and I'm not saying that what happened with Nathan made me stronger or anything. I guess it made me realize that someone else could see the special in me, even when I couldn't myself.

It always made me sorta sad that from our very last encounter, we acted like 'we' had never existed. I want to say that it prevented the real pain from seeping in but that's only a part of it. Like I said, we were each other's little secret and it was best if we kept it that way. It was more special that way. It just wasn't meant to last.

"Why does this even matter now?" I feel like all I have are questions instead of my wit and I don't like it. When I let him go before, I didn't question it. I accepted that even though it was tough, it was great while it lasted, and for once I wasn't spoiled rotten and didn't appreciate it.

It was quite simply the greatest thing that had occurred in my life.

"What happened before," he pauses searching for the right words. He knows he has the power to hurt me with what he speaks and he's trying his damnedest not to. "I shouldn't have let you go, really. You're right; I let you walk away and then pretended like it never existed. That hurt more than I would've liked. So for the last two years or so, it's been pretty easy to forget all that pain. But then you had to go trash the gym and suddenly you were a constant in my life all over again. And I missed that. I missed how you would call me at 3 am to sing to me. I missed having the ability to be myself completely without anyone expecting something from me. I just really missed you."

Somehow, in the end, it all hurts the same.

"At the end of the day though, we're not gonna be together." I say a bit more harshly than I intended too. I'm so frustrated by this conversation and this situation that I need to get out of here. I stand up, dusting off my jeans, giving him one last longing glance before stomping off.

"Haley wait!" he calls after me, catching up to me fairly quickly and latching onto my arm. I whip around, the fury inside of me bubbling to the surface. "Can you just stop this?"

"You can't save me Nathan."

He looks at shocked for a second before his face softens again. I plead with him with my eyes, begging him to just let me go. I can't go back there with him, and I which he would see that. Finally he does; nodding his head in understanding. He relinquishes his grasp on me and steps away from me.

So for the second time in my life, I'm walking away from him. The first time it was for his benefit, and now, it's mostly for me. He could never make the sacrifices necessary to keep me in his life. I'm okay with that. He may have been the guy I loved but he was never gonna be the guy for me…someone maybe, but not me.

I don't get far before I'm being turned around, his body pressing against mine, lips firmly attached together. I grant him his silent request for entry just for the simple fact that I missed him too. The first time he kissed me, it felt like my life was beginning. The world stopped spinning and the clock just froze. It was like that in every kiss and the magic of those moments never ceased to amaze me.

"I had to." He murmurs once he pulls apart from me, his arms still wrapped securely around my waist.

"You need to let me go." I return and he catches the drift of my double innuendo.

"What is this?" we both turn around, him letting go of me, to see Brooke standing there. I close my eyes and purse my lips, regretting everything that just transpired. Brooke or not, no one deserves this. She's not angry though, more disappointed and not in the least bit surprised.

"Brooke, I'm…"

"It's nothing." Nathan huffs, storming past Brooke leaving the two of us there.

"It's obviously something." Brooke says quietly.

"It's everything."


	11. Losing Grip

**Enjoy!**

Losing Grip

I can't think of anything to say to Brooke. The moments drag on and it seems like the world has suddenly stopped. I feel horrible; mostly guilty, and that's a fairly new concept to me. But what weighs most in my mind is that Nathan just said we were nothing. He said we were nothing two seconds after saying we were everything.

Jackass.

"I'd apologize and mean it but that's not gonna make a world of difference to you." I tell Brooke finally finding my voice. Her eyes don't leave the ground she stares at as she simple nods.

"A girl…a woman, knows when a man is looking at her and seeing someone completely different."

"Brooke…"

"And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out if it was because I was competing with someone tangible or a figment of his imagination." She chuckles dryly to herself and her head gazes upwards towards mine and we lock eyes. "I just, God, I never expected it to you be you."

She doesn't say it with a hint of hate or malice in her voice and for a second I'm taken aback. She's mostly just surprised and I can't say that I'm not right up there with her. This whole situation is screwy anyway you skew it, but I at least expected some bitch slapping.

"It was two years ago…" I start to explain but she holds up her hand silencing me.

"The details really aren't necessary though right? We're still gonna stay together because that's what's expected of us."

"I don't understand."

"Our dad's are business partners Haley. It's a good match with him. If I marry Nathan, when my father dies, his part of the company goes to me which in turn goes to Nathan which keeps it solely within the Scott's power and vice versa."

"So you're just gonna marry him because of that?" I ask incredulously.

"If we don't we don't get our trust fund or our education paid for." She sighs sadly and looks back to the ground.

"That's bullshit."

"What?" she asks her eyes snapping forward.

"You design clothes right? Well submit them to a freaking art school. I'm not blind; I know you have a sense of style I sorely lack so I know you could probably get in. And Nathan? That boy has more talent with that stupid ball than anyone I've ever seen. Any college would kill for that kind of raw talent." I explain but it doesn't seem to convince her much.

"I can't do that Haley." She says and I roll my eyes. "I mean, thanks for saying all those nice things but this is just something that has been destined for us. And it's not necessarily a bad thing because Nathan is pretty much my best friend."

"But you're not even _in_ love with him."

"And you are but you're not doing a damn thing about it." She snaps. "Right? Should it really matter to you who he marries since you won't even be in a relationship with him?"

"No, I guess not." I concede. "But his happiness is important to me and marrying you…it's not gonna make him completely happy. And you, you'll probably be on Prozac by the time your forty thinking about what life could've been like if you had followed your heart instead of your trust fund."

"And you, Haley, will probably be in jail contemplating where you're life could've been had you not been out reeking so much damn havoc searching for something that probably doesn't even exist!"

"Whatever life I have will be my own though Brooke; not my parents." I say not even the least bit surprised by her outburst.

"Is it any wonder that Nathan left you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're so difficult and complicated. Nobody wants that in a relationship."

"Oh and I'm sure everyone wants a relationship with no love and no passion. Yeah, because that's exciting." I retort. "And get your facts straight, he didn't walk away, I pushed him away!"

"Why? Why would you do that if you're love was so great? If what he felt for you was so deep?"

"Thought you didn't want to know?" I challenge and she narrows her eyes. "I mean really, do you want to go down that road?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"Why?" I taunt. "You want to understand why Nathan doesn't look in your eyes and see you right?"

"I am his girlfriend, I think I should have a right to know." She says and realization suddenly dawns on me.

"You were in love with him." I conclude and she huffs and refuses to look me in the eye. "But he never was with you and eventually you figured that out. So that's why you moved on to Chris."

"Yeah and even then he couldn't love me back either…because of you. It's always because of you Haley."

"I haven't even done anything!"

"No, you never really do though do you? You don't ever necessarily do anything to anyone just whatever tickles you pink and it doesn't matter if it hurts anyone else."

"I didn't push Nathan away to hurt him. I did it because he was better off without me and you can't even argue with me on that point. I didn't not love Chris back to hurt him either. I was already in love once and it didn't work out; I'm not going back down that road again. And you? You had nothing to do with any of that and I'm sorry that you got dragged into it and hurt by it. That really wasn't my intentions."

She slaps me.

"In the end, it all hurts the same." She spits out and I close my eyes and cup my face. I swallow hard and open my eyes to see that she is now crying.

"You know, my life, could've been just like yours. But I was never one to fit in, and I never wanted to be. In ten years you'll be a homemaker making your kids Halloween costumes instead of something that gets shown off on a New York runway. Is that what you really want out of life?"

"Yes." She lies tersely though her teeth. I shake my head in disappointment.

"I though you were more of a fighter."

"Funny, I always knew you were a loser."

And with those words I walk away. Even I can admit to myself that I am just that…a loser, a nobody. Chris refuses to speak to me, Peyton hates me, and Nathan thinks we were nothing. My life is a mess and I can't do anything about it. I'm thinking that transferring schools wouldn't be such a bad idea.

I sit though the remainder of my classes like a good obedient student. Peyton shoots daggers though my head all though English; Lucas looks at me with guilt the entire time in history; and Nathan and Brooke ignore me the majority of the time in math. Jake is the only one that flashes me a smile at lunch and that's only because I haven't done anything to piss him off…yet.

I'm not going to practice today and it would be pointless to do so. Right now, I have to go home and grovel to my worthless parents because otherwise I'll have no place to live. And while I may be some what of a rebel, I still need food and shelter to do so.

My house always seemed big to me, even now. I've never called it home, not once. That was always reserved for Chris or Peyton's house or in Nathan's arms but never, not once, this house. Taylor's car is still parked in the driveway, as are my parents, and for a second there I almost lose my nerve. But alas, I don't and continue my way up the porch and hesitantly I go to knock on the door.

At the last minute I lose my nerve and walk away. I remember when my father used to attempt to braid my hair in pigtails and fail miserably. When he used to throw me on his shoulder and run around with me. I remember my mother baking cookies and singing Christmas carols. Those were the days I called them 'mom' and 'dad'. It hasn't been that way for years.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do really; I don't have any options at all. I'm sure Anna would let me stay and tell Peyton to get over it but I'm not gonna give Peyton yet another reason to hate her. Really, she doesn't deserve all the shit Peyton puts her though. I'm lost and I hate that.

I end up at the beach and sink my toes into the sand as the wind whips around my hair around my face. Nathan used to bring me here and for hours all we would do is sit in silence. Sometimes he would ask me to sing to him and other times he would talk about basketball.

Mostly it was just us in stillness.

It was here that I ended things with him. For weeks I had done nothing but push and pummel him away from me and he wouldn't leave. He was so damn convinced we would make it. So it was here on this beach that I ended things once and for all.

"You broke my heart that night."

"Your rebounds are one of the best in the state." I turn around to see Nathan standing behind me, hands shoved deep in his pockets, kicking the sand.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"No, you're not." I smirk. "Why do you always apologize to me even when you think that it's not right?"

"Someone has to keep the peace and you and I both know that it's not gonna be you."

"I had a nice little chit chat with your Brookie Cookie after you bolted. Words of advice: don't piss her off; she's got one hell of a slap." I respond and he quirks up his eyebrows in interest.

"Her version was a bit tamer. She said you came to a mutual understanding."

"Yeah the understanding that we were both out of our minds." I snort and look at him for a few moments. "So everything in paradise is peachy again?"

"Yeah, I explained…"

"Explained what? How we were nothing?" I interrupt and the hurt in my voice doesn't go unnoticed by either one of us. He looks away from me, the guilt clearly evident in his eyes. I sigh, and open my mouth to tell a lie. "You know its okay though. I get it; really. It was just a silly summer fling."

"What? No, that's not it…that's not it at all." He protests and I shake my head and hold up my hand. "No, you don't get the last say in this Haley. All you ever did was push me away and I tried so hard to hold on. Then you ended it for no reason whatsoever. You never wanted to compromise with me and I refuse to let you have the last say in this as well."

"I cheated on you." I whisper and he stumbles backwards as if I had slapped him. It's a complete fabrication; I was nothing but faithful to him, but I know it'll get him to shut up. And right about now, I need a little peace.

"With who?" he asks even though he doesn't want to know. I know he doesn't want to but he's hurt and he's pissed and right now, I think it's the only time he's ever wanted me to feel the pain back.

"I never caught his name." I shrug and I'm thankful that's dark so he can't see me tearing up. I hate lying to him.

"How could, God how could you never tell me!"

"I thought I was doing what's best. Do you feel better now that you know the truth? No, you don't. Remember when you said on the docks that night that you didn't think I was the whore everyone made me out to be? Well, I am Nathan. I'm sorry; I am who I am."

"You disgust me."

He walks away after that and it's all I can do to stand there and not run after him and/or break down right there in the sand. Being around him has slowly chipped away the façade I so easily put up. It sucks and it hurts and I deserve it; every bit of it.

I need out.

Normally, what happens when I get pissed off is I drink and I destroy things. I'm not supposed to be doing that since I'm already in deep shit because of the whole gym fiasco. Which Chris orchestrated and Peyton helped with; neither of which is talking to me now. Right now though, I could really give a shit.

My fake I.D. comes in handy and after drowning the last twenty five bucks I have I make my way over to the school. After tagging a few lockers with a few choice words, I stumble my way to the gym. I see the numerous trophies and achievements of Tree Hill's finest and something inside me snaps.

Before I know what's happening, I'm walking into the equipment closet, grabbing a baseball bat and trekking back to the trophy cabinet. My eyes narrow on the photo of last year's basketball team, Nathan and Lucas dead center. The cheerleading squad is in the picture beside that one and once again, the anger rises inside of me at seeing Brooke so damn happy.

I make sure to smash that picture first.

Then I proceed to destroy everything.

Well almost.

I'm just lifting the bat up, out of breath, to destroy the remaining bit of victory and I a light is being shined into my eyes. I'm being told to freeze and handcuffs are being placed on my wrist. My rights are being read and all I'm thinking about is that this is such a buzz killer.

I'm being arrested.

Shit.


	12. So Here I Slave Inside a Broken Dream

**A/N: First off, I just want to say WOW to all the feedback you gave to me from my authors note. It really made me feel good so thanks. Okay so, this chapter is just a filler chapter really but the next few chapters are going to be pretty intense. Now, what I had planned for this story, I'm not so sure about anymore. It's pretty heavy material and up until now, the story been sorta humorous and light. But I'm still debating. Someone told me that they didn't like that Haley and Nathan had a past and honestly that wasnt planned. That was just one of things that popped up while writing. But I liked it and I still agree with it and if I do go with my orginal storyline then it's gonna work really well there. But like I said, I don't want this story to be 15 chapters of funny stuff and then this horrible tragedy happen. So just tell me what you think. Light and fluffy or go with the original storyline? I really don't want to disappoint anymore or turn people away. Anyway, a big thanks to all of you who review every chapter. Kudos to you. Also, before this turns into it's own short story, I just wanted to say that I got some inspiration for 'Savin Me.' It's not a lot but I've got some written and I know where I wanna take it. So woo hoo. Look out for an update on that. Thanks and enjoy :)**

So Here I Slave Inside a Broken Dream

Now handcuffs are fun sometimes, but right now with them pinning my arms behind my back, its just down right uncomfortable. I'm sitting in the back of the cop car, glaring at them as they stand in a circle talking amongst themselves. They're probably discussing the odds of ever hearing that many profanities and insults from a girl again.

Finally we make it down to the station and I roll my eye at the looks everyone is giving me. Oh hey, there's the cop that arrested me before. I wink at him before getting pushed towards the desk where I will now be fingerprinted. I stick my tongue out at the man-ish looking lady in front of me and she nearly slams the ink case on my fingers.

Bitch.

"Hey, do you think I could get a copy of this?" I ask as she takes my mug shot. I hold the sign and with my other hand I extend it out while making the 'rock on' signal.

Jail was a lot more fun last time. Well, then again Peyton was with me and we wrote Brooke and Rachel numbers on the wall with 'call to have a good time' beside it. I miss her and her scrawny chicken ass. The man-ish five-o walks by and asks me if I need to make a call and I tell her no.

I have no one.

A few hours pass and the door to my cell is being opened and I'm being told I can go. I change by into my clothes, which by the way have paint on them and are torn, and make my way outside. I hope and pray to God that it's not my father who bailed me out. I'd really be in deep shit then. It isn't though, and when he turns around to face me, I'm a bit surprised.

Lucas.

"How did you…"

"They called Whitey and the whole family just happened to be at dinner there. I heard about what happened today; with everyone, and I guess I figured you could use a friend right about now." He explains and I nod going up to him and hugging him.

"Thank you." I whisper in his ear and pull back.

"Okay, so I talked to the cops and from what I understand, the principal is pretty pissed. As a matter of fact, Whitey looked like he was about to have a heart attack."

"So I take it I'm going to have to transfer schools?" I ask as we start walking to his car. He opens the door for me and I get in.

"Not necessarily. I have an idea."

We sit in silence the short ride to a house I'm unfamiliar with. We get out and I follow him up the stairs to the porch as he reaches for his key. We slip inside the darkness and he tells me to stay put. I wonder around what I assume to be his bedroom, admiring the artwork and looking at the pictures.

"Haley?" I look up to see Lucas standing there with a short, raven haired lady. "This is my mom, Karen."

"I wish we were meeting under better circumstances." I say coming up to her and taking her hand.

"Well I'm hoping I can help in changing your circumstances a bit." She replies and I look at her curiously. She and Lucas exchange a glance before they turn their attention back to me.

"Look Haley, I don't stay here much any more because I'm trying to get to know my father. So I talked to my mom and if you wanted to stay here and make a promise to do better, I think a judge wouldn't make you transfer."

"Wh-why would you do that for me?" I sputter.

"Everyone deserves a second chance." Karen replies. "Now, I don't want you to think this is a free pass. You will have chores, a curfew, and you will help out at my café. You if you think you can handle that, I don't see why you couldn't stay underneath my roof."

I'm speechless. This lady, she doesn't even know me but she's willing to put herself out there for me. That's something that no one's ever really done for me before. I think its time I cleaned up my act anyway. Not just so I stop hurting everyone else, which I should never had started, but for myself as well.

"Thank you." I say sincerely and I think I utterly surprise Karen by walking up and hugging her. She lets go, and gives Lucas a kiss before saying goodnight and leaving us alone. "I take it she hasn't found out about the tattoo yet?"

"How do you figure?"

"Yeah, I really see her offering a home to the girl that got her son branded for life."

"Nah, you don't know my mom. She's a real sweet lady. But yes, she does know and thanks for getting me grounded to bus boy duty for three weeks." He smirks and I nod taking a seat on the bed to which he follows. "So where's all your stuff?"

"Right now? Probably soaking in bleach in Peyton's bath tub." I reply which he chuckles at and shakes his head. "What? I'm serious. She was more than pissed off at me earlier."

"I asked her on a date." He says and I look up at him and smirk. "And after she slapped me and yelled at me for half an hour she agreed."

"Nice." I laugh. "So what's she gonna say when you tell her I'm sleeping in your bed?"

"Oh I'm sure the whole scenario will play out the same way. But it'll be worth it; she's worth it."

"Yeah, she's really something else."

"So is Nathan you know." Lucas says and I'm now looking at him with eyes as wide as saucers, I'm sure. "He told me everything Haley."

"Everything?" I gulp. "And you're still helping me?"

"Someone's got to. " he quips. "Okay, I don't know why you if you love each other you won't be together but it's cool; that's your decision. But what if something bad happens to him or something tragic happens to you and you don't have one another in your lives? You'll never get that chance again."

"Maybe but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." I concede and proceed to quickly change the subject. "So any chance I'll be able to beg and plead my way out of cheerleading?" I ask hopefully.

"Not a chance in hell." He grins. I groan and fall back on the bed, covering my face.

"I think I'd rather be in jail."

The rest of the week is pretty hectic for me. While in constant high alert trying to avoid everyone, I also have to study, tutor Jake, and work at the café. Except avoiding everyone is pretty easy during the day; practice, hmm, not so much. The only cheerleader nice to me is Bevin and that's just because she knows no better.

Even Peyton and Brook look awfully buddy-buddy.

Fortunately, the Classic is now a week away. Which means once I'm done with that, I'm done with Brooke; I'm done with Nathan; and well Peyton doesn't have to give me as many 'eat shit and die' looks. Apparently, the whole squad and the whole basketball team will be staying at Rachel's cabin for the weekend.

Oh the joy.

Working at the Café isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, everyone once and a while Lucas will come in with Nathan and Brooke in tote but I just be polite and courteous and do my job. Karen actually pays me; half of my pay goes towards my restitution and the other half she gives me to keep. I'm being the responsible Haley and saving most of it though.

I'm sitting on Karen's porch now, strumming my guitar, trying to work on a song. Lately though, no words have been pouring out of me. I think I've lost my muse. There's an open mic night at Tric in two months from now and Chris and I were supposed to go and sing our duet. Now, I'm just trying to form a song to sing by myself.

"I see you're music still sucks."

"Well now, I only learn from the best." I retort and look up to see Chris standing there. I'd give anything to jump up and run into his arms. He surprises me by coming up the walk and sitting beside me. "Hi."

"Hey." He whispers and nudges me a bit trying to get me to smile.

"How have you been?"

"Brokenhearted. Wearing the same clothes days at a time. Listening to your mix tapes over and over. Eating Chef Boyardee out of a can. I mean I was even listen watching reruns of 7th Heaven. It got pretty bad there for a little while." He says dramatically and I roll my eyes. "Nah, but seriously, I'm okay."

"Good. I'm really happy for you."

"Now you, as I understand it; not so much." He laughs and I nod laughing as well. I go to open my mouth, tell him I'm sorry, tell him I miss him, tell him anything but he cuts me off before I can speak. "Look Haley, I'm not ready to be friends with you yet. What happened, well as uncool as it may be, it still hurts me a lot. I'm just not ready to go back there with you. We will though, one day. I promise."


	13. Straightjacket Feeling

**A/N: Okay guys, here you go. I had this chapter written for a few days but I noticed that the sight was sending update emails and I didn't want anyone to miss out. Haley's gonna be back to some of her old ways in the next chapter because some of you were saying that you kinda missed that. So ask, and you shall recieve. Some of you were also wanting more Brathan scenes and more Leyton but the thing with this story is that it's written in the first person so unless they're with Haley, you only hear about what they did and not actually witness it in the storyline. In hindsight, I wish I would've wrote each chapter with a different person's POV and that was the orginal intent but I got so in tuned with my version of Haley, I never changed it. Anyway, enjoy and drop some love; the next chapter should be up shorty and for those who read Savin Me, I'm working on the next chapter for that story as well. On a last note, I just wanted to thank everyone for the awesomeness of the reviews, they really mean a lot to me. Enjoy!**

Straightjacket Feeling

Tonight is a game night. Instead of my usual attire of a too short, too tight mini skirt, I am sporting jeans, Converse, and an apron. That's right, I am happily pouring coffee and covered in grease wiping down countertops at Karen's Café. Thankfully, Karen wanted to go to the game and managed to get me out of cheer hell to close up the café.

I'm closing up right now, making sure to turn off the coffee pot and balance the register. The past week has been different. Lucas is the only one that really talks to me and I'm sure it's not without consequence from Peyton. But he and his mom have helped me out a ton, and I'm not about to jeopardize that. Not this time.

"What are you doing here?" I ask Lucas as he walks in the café, freshly showered from the game.

"Well I wanted to ask you something." He says sitting down at the counter. I look at him curiously before he continues. "So there's this party tonight…"

"Oh no Luke, Nuh uh, I can't."

Is he insane?

Well then again, he did go on a date with Peyton, AFTER she slapped him.

Ouch.

"Why not?"

"I dunno, maybe because the whole student body hates me." I point out obviously.

"It was Brooke's idea…I mean it's her party. It'll be at Dad's beach house but yeah, all her."

Wait, what?

"Well since it was Brooke's idea…" I say cheerfully, then deadpan. "No."

"Hales come on."

I flinch. I can't help it. The only people in my life to call me that are non existent right now. Which yes, I know is my fault. Thanks for the guilt trip.

"Hey, there's even a perk for both of us. Rachel's not going to be there."

"How goes that drama?" I ask. Details of me and Luke's night together are still vague at best so I'm not sure if he ever told me what exactly happened.

"Well my heart was crushed from seeing her with Nathan's uncle…"

"Hot Uncle Cooper." I say dreamily.

"Thanks." Lucas mutters and I laugh. "She admitted to sleeping with other guys. I mean, I thought things were good with us you know? But I think I would've ended up breaking things off with her anyway."

"Because of Peyton." I clarify and he nods. "How'd the date go?"

"Actually all we did was go to the beach and talk. And it might not seem like much…"

"It's a lot. Especially for Peyton. The girl with a million brick walls." I smile, matching his own.

I'm happy for them, really I am. I wish she would forgive me as easily as she forgave Luke though. I mean I get it, I'm the best friend and I betrayed her. But I owned up to my mistakes, I'm sorry, and I'm doing better. But Peyton's not one to forgive someone she trusts, hence her deep resentment towards her father. Then again, I'm not big on trusting either.

"So you gonna come?"

"Can I get wasted if I do?" I respond taking a seat beside him.

"Yeah…no. Mom would kill you if you came home drunk." He chuckles, nudging me slightly. "Just come." He says once more getting off the stool and leaving the café.

The beach house. When did I become such a sentimental sap? All this nostalgia thinking about me and Nathan. There is no me and Nathan. My head gets that because he's not here waiting for me to take me to the party. My heart refuses to believe that considering it skips a beat every time I see him.

"Sorry, we're closed." I say not even bothering to turn around to the jingling door.

"Really? Guess I can't get a cup of joe to go along with this handy flask."

Oh God.

Not her.

Not here.

"Nikki?" I ask turning around. Sure enough, I recognize the dark, overdone eyeliner and skin tight clothes anywhere.

"In the flesh." She grins spinning around. "I didn't expect to run into you here though. I never thought I would see Haley James in an apron…with ruffles." She says picking at my apron to switch I snatch away.

"What the hell are you doing back here?"

See here's the thing about Nikki. She was my best friend before Peyton came along. She older, by a few years, and if you think the havoc that Peyton and I reeked was bad…you wouldn't believe the things that Nikki and I have done. But Nikki's a whore; a horrible one at that.

"Just passing through, on the way to Savannah."

"So how's Marcus?" I ask and as soon as his name is out of my mouth she scowls.

"He's peachy." she snaps.

"Sore subject?"

"About as sore as the wounds you'll be licking if you don't drop it."

"Yeah, I'm afraid of you. I mean with your history you wouldn't want to fight would you? You might be pregnant." She glares and I roll my eyes. "I don't have time for you, I have somewhere to be."

"Care if I join you? I mean for old times sake?"

So that's how Nikki ends up with me at Brooke's party. We kinda have this love/hate relationship going on. We're equally bitchy at one another but I guess if there was a fight she would have my back…that is if she's not the one I'm beating the hell out of.

"Now don't go too excited since there's so many high school boys." I say as we enter the beach house.

"Hey you made it." Lucas says coming up to me and hugging me. "Who's this?" he asks looking from me to Nikki.

Did I just see his face darken a little?

"This is Nikki. She's an old friend. Nikki this is Lucas."

"It's nice to meet you Luke." She says extending her hand, an exception evil smirk on her face. He takes it, almost grudgingly and mumbles something, walking off.

"Do you know him?"

"Nope." She quips. "Just of him."

Four games of "I Never" later, I'm pretty wasted. Clearly there's a not a whole lot of shit I've never done. So much for that whole not getting trashed thing. I think I'm finished for the night. Well that is until Nathan, Brooke, Lucas and Peyton walk into the kitchen wanting to play. Yup, I'm gonna need something stronger, I think to myself as I chug down yet another cup.

"I'll go first." Brooke says after all the cups are filled once more. "I've never been arrested." She says, an obvious jab at me. Peyton's shoots daggers her way and I'm guessing Brooke didn't think about her being arrested with me.

"I've never been in love with a musician." I smirk as Brooke takes her turn drinking.

"I've never cheated." Nathan says out of no where glaring at me.

Shit. Drink up Hales.

"I've never had sex on a carousel with a complete stranger." Nikki says next. Lucas looks up, pissed off as hell.

"I've never seduced someone five years younger than me." He retorts. Peyton is doing the same thing I'm doing, looking back and forth between the two wondering what the hell is going on.

"Aww but you enjoyed it baby." She smiles drinking the rest of her drink and slamming it down.

"Luke?" Peyton asks. Lucas gulps and looks at her; guilt plastered on his face. "I thought, God, you lied to me." She says getting up and stalking off.

"Peyt!" I call after her and she whips around and I know she's about to yell.

"Why'd you have to bring her here huh? What? Did you think you could cause even more problems? There's not enough in your life right now?"

Is this twenty questions??

"Grow up Haley!" she finishes stomping off.

"What the hell Nikki?" Lucas booms before going off in search of her.

"That's what I'd like to know." I pipe in looking directly at Nikki. She shrugs and sips some more of her drink.

"Hey, you're the brother right?" she directs towards Nathan.

"Hey I'm the girlfriend." Brooke says coming up to Nathan as he drapes his arm around her waist.

That stung a bit.

"Yeah we're well aware of the fact." I grumble getting up from the table.

"Going so soon?" Brooke asks stopping me.

"What do you want Brooke? Haven't you done enough?"

"No, I think the question is have you done enough? Because Lucas saved your ass this time but what about the next time you get in trouble. Then who's gonna save you?"

"I don't need to be saved." I growl looking directly at Nathan. He shakes his head in disappointment and I walk off.

Right into Felix.

Normally, my usual course of action is to either a. kick him in his pathetic excuse of a man, ahem, boyhood or b. ignore him completely. But tonight, new Haley is feeling a bit restless and a little bitter because of team 'Brathan.' Maybe I should make Nathan feel a little bit of the crappiness I feel every time I see him with Brooke.

"Hey." I smirk coyly looking up to meet his very interested gaze. I fight the urge to induce vomiting as he places his hands on either side of my waist.

"What's up?"

"Well I was just thinking that this party was getting pretty boring. I was looking for something, "I lightly trace my finger down his chest, "to liven things up a bit. You wouldn't have any suggestions would you?"

"I think I could come up with something. I'm good like that…among other things." He winks at me, letting his hands slide down even further.

Cool Haley. Calm Haley.

"Lets dance." He finally says in my ear pulling me towards the makeshift dance floor. I don't even want to do this, I'm so far beyond uncomfortable, they haven't invented a word for how this makes me feel.

His hot breath on my neck nearly makes me want to gag. For a second there I feel like we're right back in that closet except Peyton's not yelling to save me and Chris isn't there to actually do it. He ends up turning me around to where my back is to his chest and I look up to lock eyes with Nathan.

He's dancing with Brooke and rubbing her in just the right places to make me completely jealous. He then forcefully pulls her face to his and in an instant they're locked in a passionate kiss. I wish I had some large heavy, possibly sharp object to throw.

Not like it would do much good since I throw like a complete girl.

It's too much. With Felix thisclose to the hairs on my neck and Nathan seemingly permanently attached to Brooke, I can't handle it. I know he can't stand it, seeing me with Felix and it's not like it's a picnic for me either. But neither one of us is making a move to stop it.

How did we get to this place? We were doing so well; we had our thing, it was beautiful, it ended, and we forgot it ever existed. Now we're here and while things were hurtful before, it's like we're in their war to see who can inflict the most pain on one another. And our relationship, our whole journey was the one happy thought in my life.

Now it's gone.

So I'm through. I go to walk off but Felix grabs my wrist and pulls me back towards him, kissing me forcefully. His hand is on the back of my head, keeping me in place, but I struggle anyway. I open my eyes to see Nathan coming towards us, pissed, but concerned nonetheless.

"Just stop!"

I finally shove him off of me, stumbling backwards a bit, and wiping my mouth. I look from Felix to Nathan and out of the corner of my eyes I see Brooke, Peyton, Lucas, and Jake looking on. And they're just the important four out of the billion other people currently staring at me.

I walk off.

Screw them all.

Nikki catches up to me fairly quickly throwing her arm around my shoulders.

"Come on Haley-Bub, I know you still have your fake I.D."

Like I really should be drinking _more._

"Of course."


	14. Misery Loves It's Company

**A/N: Okay, yes you can hate me. But maybe after I grovel for a few minutes you wont. Just to say a few things, I have two jobs now and I only get to see my husband on weekends since he's in school an hour away. So that's why the updates have been pretty much non existant. I don't like this chapter much at all but it kinda had to be there to show you guys Haley's slow redemption. I'm hoping (fingers crossed) that i'll get the energy/time/inspiration to finish this story. You guys have been amazing and I'm super sorry that's it's been this long. So enjoy, or at least try and hopefully the next update will be sooner and better.**

Misery Loves It's Company

"Let's get my friend here another shot."

Nikki is purposely trying to get me completely shit-faced and although I haven't figured out why, I know it's not a good reason and I could really care less. The more drinks the better right now. My night has officially sucked and it would do me good to just forget about it.

And no, I'm not thinking about the hangover in the morning.

Nikki, in her true fashion, is laughing it up with not one, but count them, _three _guys at the end of the bar and one keeps looking at me. I keep giving him the signal to go die somewhere but clearly he isn't getting the picture. Either that or I'm too wasted to be giving the right signals.

"Lets dance kid." Nikki says pulling me up on my feet and up onto the bar. Since I can't really feel my legs I'm thinking this is such a bad idea.

But hey, what the hell right?

For the first time since Peyton and I trashed the gym I feel like myself again. I'm not worrying about the stupid Classic, or the stupid boy that always on my mind, or my clueless friend or tattoos. I'm not worried about anything and that's me. If something happens, oh well. That's life, I deal with it.

Except I'm not dealing with this. Stupid shit keeps happening to me and yeah, most things I bring on myself. Was it stupid to nearly sleep with Chris, yes. Was it stupid to trash the gym, yes. Was it stupid to get a tattoo, yes. Was it stupid to fall in love with Nathan freaking Scott?

No.

Well maybe.

"So you wanna dance again?"

The alcohol in me isn't doing me any good in not feeling sick to my stomach with that voice so close to my body. Why must it always come down to me in these situations? These are things that happen to people on TV and in movies, so why do they always end up finding me?

"I thought I ditched you at the party?" I ask twirling around in the bar stool to come face to face with Felix. He leans down, placing either hand on the sides of my hips and I fight the urge to kick him right where it hurts.

"Come on, you know you wanna." He smiles inching closer to my face.

"Can you just go away?"

"Why don't you let him take you home Haley?" Nikki asks, peeping her head around the guy that is in front of her. "You are pretty wasted."

"I'd rather crawl home." I bite out pushing Felix out of the way and standing up.

So not a good idea.

A wave of nausea hits me fast and hard and before I know it, I'm in Felix's arms Suddenly I'm well aware of the fact that I'm in his arms, not having any choice in the matter, and having no one to save me. Nathan hates me, Chris is in limbo, and Lucas is MIA.

I doubt they could save me anyway.

"Listen, could you maybe watch her for an hour or so?" Nikki asks Felix standing up and watching as one of the guys throws some money on the bar.

"I don't need watching. I'm calling Lucas to come get me." I protest pushing Felix away once again and sitting on the bar stool.

"Yeah, like he's going to leave Princess Peyton to come to your rescue. Fat chance. Look, just take her back to my room." She instructs Felix and then I hear her ask if her guy has a place she can go to. She tosses the key to my apparent knight in shining armor before leaving the bar with not one, but two of the guys.

"I swear to God, if you touch me I'll castrate you."

I fight to stay awake. Something in my gut is telling me that if pass out, only bad things will happen to me. I really have no choice though in the matter. Nikki has now abandoned me and I can barely carry my own body weight, much less make it back to Nikki's hotel room.

"Come on, I'm gonna take good care of you baby."

I black out after that. I don't really remember too much of anything. The next thing I know I'm hearing Nikki screaming, a door slamming, and a baby crying. My head feels like a paper weight and I struggle to get my body up. I'm lucky I can get my head up and over the side of the bed before I proceed to empty the contents of my stomach.

"What the hell happened?" I ask sitting up and wiping my mouth. It's then that I notice the sniffling baby perched on Nikki's hip. "And why in the hell do you have Jenny?"

"I just saved your ass thank you. Look at your shirt Hales." She responds and I wanna faint when I see what she's referring to. It's ripped, almost completely along with my pants being unzipped.

"He, he didn't did he?"

"No, he didn't. Hence the broken lamp on the floor." She says walking over and placing the infant down in the playpen.

"Is Marcus here with you?"

"No. The lady at the front desk was watching her."

"You let some stranger watch your daughter why you were out hooking up and getting shit-faced?" I ask incredulously. "And why would Marcus ever let you have Jenny?"

"Don't you have someplace to be?" she questions ignoring my probing. Yes, I do realize that I have no place to go but that's not the point right now. I glance at the blue eyed girl sucking her thumb and I know this isn't right.

"You took her. Damn it Nikki! You know he's a good father! Why would you do something so hateful?"

"She's mine Haley! I gave birth to her. I-"

"You left her!" I scream getting off the bed and walking up to her. "You're absolutely worthless as a mother and you know it. You just wanted her back to spite him. She is his whole world and you just snatched her away. You need to give her back."

"I think you need to get the hell out." She says calming walking over to the door and opening it up for me.

I give one final look at the baby and walk out the door. There are two phone calls I need to make now. I walk around the corner to the pay phone and pick it up, struggling to remember the number. I dial and wait in bated breathe as the phone rings over and over again. I'm caught off guard when I hear a familiar voice come over the line.

"Marcus? It's Haley. Do you remember me? Oh you do? Um, I know this is kinda out of the blue but I know where Jenny is…"

I know I did the right thing. I make the other phone call and walk across the street to the diner to wait. I order straight black coffee and wince at the bitterness it leaves in my mouth. Through the window I can see the police arrive just as Nikki fumbles out the door with Jenny. Then I smile when I see Marcus reunited with his daughter.

I had only known Nikki a short time when she had gotten pregnant. I had a deep suspicion that the baby wasn't the offspring of the senior valedictorian but he took the responsibility and the ridicule in stride. After leaving Jenny in a cold car by herself as she was passed out at the steering wheel, Nikki bolted and Marcus left town hoping to avoid any and all kind of contact with Nikki.

It felt good to do some kind of good to someone, and unselfishly enough, it didn't directly benefit me. I knew Jenny would be better off with Marcus any day than a second with Nikki. If I wasn't fighting a losing battle with a hangover and trying to cover myself up, I probably would actually smile.

I mange a small one when the kindly old waitress sets down a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. I go to protest, knowing I barely have enough for the coffee but she just smiles and winks at me. There really are good people in the world.

"You look like absolute shit Haley."

Ah, my savior arrives.

"Thanks." I grumble. She standing with her hands perched on her tiny hips; her 'mom' look clearly perfected. She sighs and slides her bulging belly into the booth. "You haven't combusted yet?"

"God no." she groans. "I'm a week and a half overdue. Mouth is going to freak when he finds that I'm not in bed. What happened Haley? What do you need?"

"I kinda just needed to talk."

"Talk? What did you do now?"

"I didn't do anything." I protest and I'm a little hurt that she would just assume that. "Taylor, my life is an absolute wreck right now. I've been messing up big time lately and I'm trying my best to fix everything. I have no one to turn to. I'm really trying this time."

"What do you need? Money?"

"You're not getting it." I whisper, forcing back my tears. "I need my family back and my friends and I don't know how to do that."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you wrecked everything." She says tersely to me right before smiling at the kind waitress placing a glass of water in front of her. "What Haley? Do you really think Mom and Dad are going to welcome you back with open arms after your blatant disregard to their rules?"

"I'm their daughter! You said yourself that they love me. So I guess it's not the kind of everlasting love that you carry for someone no matter what. That's fine Taylor. " I say getting up and grabbing my things. "You know I thought for once, you could really just be the bigger sister I looked up to instead of weak sister I pity."

"You called me Hales because you're in too deep. You're nearly 18 years old, why don't you try for once to grow up for once in your pathetic life."

"Taylor, you're twenty years old. Look at you. When you get to be eighty, what can you say you did with your life? What fun did you have? How many crazy things have you done that have completely exhilarated you? Life is short, and Quinn taught us that. I don't want to miss a thing in life because I was too afraid or too worried about what people thought. "

"How dare you bring up Quinn." Is all she says in return.

I guess now would be a good time to take a trip down memory lane. Wanna know why I took a turn for the worse? Quinn was our older sister and she was full of life; a regular ball of fun and energy. But everything came crashing down when a drunk driver hit her boyfriend's car on their way back from prom.

After she died, my parents started their never ending trips and Taylor became the perfect child, trying desperately to fill Quinn's shoes. I suppose in my reasoning, that with her death, and everyone else doing nothing to honor her, I had to start living her life through me.

It's a stupid thing I'm thinking now. I don't think she would've fallen in love or gotten a tattoo or arrested, but I do think she would've embraced life to the fullest. And that's what I want. We're supposed to live life, not just exist until death.

"I'm living my life because she couldn't Taylor. I'm sorry you don't understand that. But I want you to know that I love you and that baby inside of you. And I'm so happy for you that you found love and a life that suits you. I wish you nothing but a fulfilled life."

"Haley, wait!"

But I'm already gone.


	15. Seventeen Ain't So Sweet

Seventeen Ain't So Sweet

I'm not much for praying but right now I'm working real hard to put in a few good words with the big guy upstairs. I can't even begin to imagine the begging and pleading and groveling I'm going to have to do to get out of this one. Walking up the house that has become more of my home in one week than my house in my entire life, I can't help but feel completely guilty and unworthy.

"I was wondering if you were ever going to show up."

I'm startled when I walk on the porch to see Karen sitting quietly in the dark. What am I supposed to say? Sorry for not coming home? Sorry for getting completely trashed? Sorry for being a screw up? Sorry for just being me? Yup, that works, I'm sorry I'm Haley.

"Karen, I…"

I've got nothing.

"You know, it wasn't long ago that I didn't care to know the meaning of a curfew. And it wasn't long ago that Lucas came into this world because of that naivety. I think you're a smart girl Haley, I do, and I believe you have a lot of potential."

Yo, nice to meet you guilt.

"I mess up a lot." I admit, taking a seat beside her on the swing. She places the blanket around me and it now surrounds both of us. "Sometimes, on purpose and sometimes, it's completely out of my hands."

"You're human, and that's really the only grace you're granted. But in a few months the real world is going to be out there. What are you going to do about it?"

Honestly? No freakin clue.

Sure I've dreamed of living the life of a rock star; on the road all the time, staying up to all hours of the night, jamming with Chris and Peyton designing our entire album covers. Or sometimes I would even allow myself to think about going to college and getting an actual degree in something. Right now though, I don't know.

"I haven't really thought that far ahead yet."

"I'm going to reason with you Haley. This home, my home is the same house that I brought my newborn son into. This home and my café are the only really materialistic things in the world that mean anything to me. If I give you the grace I have and let you live and work under my roofs, you gotta meet me halfway kid."

"I know Karen, and honestly I'm really working on it. Tonight, if anything showed me that. I can't promise that I won't mess up but I will promise to try no to."

"When Lucas told me that he wanted to go live with his father and test the waters, I was absolutely furious. After seventeen years of raising him myself, his father decided he wanted to re enter his life all of a sudden and I was supposed to be gracious? But Lucas needed that; he's always had me and depended on me but now he has someone else to depend on as well. I want you to know that I may not understand your situation with your parents or family but you can depend on me Haley. I'll be here for you."

Wow. For once in my life I have no words, smart or otherwise, to come out of my mouth. This lady, this stranger practically, is promising me more in life than my own mother has for years. Somehow a simple thanks just doesn't suffice but right now it's all I've got.

"I'm going to say thank you now and I mean that with my whole heart Karen, I do. But it's going to mean a lot more to you when I show you how much I appreciate you."

"Don't thank me just yet. We still have punishment to go over."

"Right." I force a smile. "Well let's hear it. Take you're best shot."

"Why don't we hear the explanation of why you're clothes are ripped?"

I debate whether or not to tell her the truth. Somehow I think she'll know right off the bat if I'm lying and really, I don't want to lie to her. I think I can trust her, and for me, that's a really big step. Before I know it though, the whole story is spilling out and she's holding me as I sob.

"I didn't mean for things to get so out of control. I just wanted to make this guy jealous and well all it did was hurt me in the end."

Of course I leave out the whole saga that is Nathan. I trust Karen sure, but I'm not ready to discuss that with anyone at all; least of all him. I think maybe I'm not ready to discuss it with myself either. Denial: we're tight.

"You're gonna be okay Haley."

Maybe she's pretending I'm the daughter she never had, or maybe she sees a little bit of herself in me, I'm not sure. But when she hugs me and takes me inside to feed me the made from scratch meal she prepared, I envy Lucas. Mostly though, I just feel home.

* * *

It's Monday again, and it sucks as per the norm. The only thing I can be thankful for being that today is a Monday, is that in four days on Friday, we'll be heading to Charlotte. So what does that make next Monday? The end of the cheer sluts. Period.

"So I hope things went smoothly with my mom because things with Peyton, hmm, not so much." Lucas says matching my stride as we walk through the courtyard.

"Yeah, you're mom's pretty amazing." I can't help but smirk. "Let me guess, you spent the evening getting acquainted with her porch swing."

"Actually, it was her doormat." He corrects and chuckles to himself.

"How do you know Nikki and how did that incorporate into a lie to Peyton?" I ask as he shoves his hands deep in his pockets.

"I told Peyton, I told her that the only person I had ever been was Rachel."

"And you forgot to mention the whole Nikki slash carousel incident huh? That's a good one Luke."

"How was I supposed to know that I would ever see her again? I mean I don't want Peyton to be pressured into thinking that our relationship has to have that because it doesn't. I want more than that with her."

Some people just simply amaze me you know? Like how Chris is willing to forgive me. Like how Nathan doesn't even want to acknowledge our relationship. Like how parents can forget a kid they created. Like how Karen can accept a stranger as her own. And right now, how I'm so happy there are people like Lucas that will love Peyton for who she is and not what he wants her to be.

"I think you're a good guy Luke, you know that?" I ask playfully slugging his arm.

"I'm trying to talk to her as best as I can. I believe you're a good person to Haley. I just don't think many people give you the benefit of the doubt. Well besides Nathan."

Ouch.

"Lets refer to your brother as he who will not be named." Is all I can muster up as a reply.

"Noted." He says and I watch his face turn to powder white. I follow his eyes to where Peyton is now stomping her skinny ass up to us.

"Is there a reason you continue to piss me off?"

Sorry Luke but…

"He came up to me!"

"Did we not discuss this the other night? I realize that she's staying at your mom's house and really, God help her, but if you're going to be with me, you can't be friends with her. End of story."

Lucas looks at me with pity and regret and I really just want to smack him. But at the same time I get it. I have her boyfriend's jersey number tattooed on my ass and she hates me and he's talking to me.

"Is there a reason you're throwing away years of friendship over a boy? And that includes absent parents and perfect sisters and leaving fathers and first dates and publications and debuts. I'm doing the best I can here Peyton. I'm sorry about what happened with Lucas before alright? But you want to throw away all of what we built in friendship over a boy?"

She looks like she wants to hit me. She also looks like she wants to cry. She won't do either though. I hurt her and in Peyton's eyes, I might as well be dead to her. So she wants to hurt me more. And her ignoring me will hurt me more than anything.

"Not a boy Haley." She responds looking from me to Lucas. Her gaze instantly softens and I get it. "The boy."

"Whenever you decide to forgive me, and believe me, I know you Peyton and if you do, it will take you a forever and a week to do so, but I'll be here. Because you were always my best friend, and you probably always will be. I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I miss you and I love you."

I walk up, giving her a hug to which she doesn't reciprocate, and leave the two lovebirds at peace. I've said my say and I was sincere. What more can I do besides wait for her to come around? So now I'm reduced to a grand total of two people who like me. Jake and Bevin; and it's only because Bevin knows no better.

* * *

After homeroom, I grab my homework out of my locker; yes, I actually did sit down and do my homework. I even managed to tutor Jake. It felt really good knowing that I helped him get something that he couldn't before. I shut my locker and come face to face with him. Just who I didn't need to see today. On second thought, any day not seeing him would be great.

"So I think I was kind of a jerk the other night."

Nathan.

Really? Ya think? What's his problem anyway? He has the perfect world set up right in front of him. The perfect girlfriend, the perfect career, and in one week, we'll go back to pretending we never happened. I just told the guy I cheated on him and he's apologizing to me? Give me a break.

"And I was a bitch. Hmm, nothing new there." I throw out while breezing past him. He latches onto my arm and brings me into the nearest empty classroom. He's just not quick enough for me and Brooke to lock eyes as he does so.

"Look Hales,"

"You can let go of my arm now." I command tearing my eyes away from his to look down as where his hand is gracing my arm. I don't want him to know that it hurt me to hear him say Hales.

You wanna know what kind of bugs me? When I told him that I cheated on him, he just accepted it. He didn't question it, didn't doubt it, just asked who and why. Yeah, that kinda hurt too.

"Nathan, look, this is how it is. Can we just be civil to one another and act like nothing happened between us for the next week or so? Then you can go back to your world and I can go back to mine and everything will be honky dory. Just let it be."

Shit. I'm reduced to practically begging.

"I can't Haley. That's the problem. I don't want it to be like this. I mean I loved you and you were my best friend once; why should any of that change now?"

"You have a girlfriend and a best friend, that's why." I explain all the while trying to keep my emotions in check. "You're moved on and so have I. We need to leave it that way."

"With Felix? Is that who you moved on to?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Did you sleep with Felix the other night?"

Whoa. What?

"How is that any of your business?"

"Well when he's bragging about it to the whole basketball team in the locker room, he kind of makes it my business. He even got it right down the number three tattooed on your ass. "

He's pissed I can tell. He's got the whole cold, icy blueness going on his eyes and it's bothering him. He has no right to know and I almost tell him the truth. The truth being that bastard tried to take advantage of me. And I know Nathan would go straight to him and beat the shit out of him.

"It was pretty fantastic." Is what comes out instead.

He just looks at me. I'm not sure what to make out of it, but if I could take a guess, I think it would be the same look he used to give me when he watched me sleep. Sometimes, if I was lonely enough, I would call him to come and sleep with him; to just hold me so I could sleep. I think he's struggling with himself, fighting an epic internal battle of what the hell to do with the beautiful disaster in front of him.

"I hope you find whatever you're always searching for." Is all he says as he pushes the hair out of my face and pulls my head towards his. He kisses my forehead for a few seconds and he's gone.

What he doesn't realize, and what I hadn't until right at that moment was I found what I was searching for.

Him.


	16. Battle of the Broads

A/N: Alright guys, here's the new chapter. I seriously didn't mean for this chapter to take this turn at all; actually I wasn't sure what I was going to write when I started this but here it is. Enjoy and drop the love. The next chapter I'm thinking is going to be the long and torturous ride to the Classic. Not sure when it will be up, maybe tomorrow but I'm going to say definetly this week sometime. Don't kill me if it isn't. Again though, enjoy.

Battle of the Broads

Finally. I can almost relax and breathe again. Why is this? Because today is Wednesday and that means that in exactly two days, I will pull my skinny ass into an SVU that contains the majority of the people that hate me and drive four hours to a cheer competition, all the while sharing a cabin with those very same people.

But I'm okay. Really. I don't think it's the end of the world, I'm not dreading it; okay, I'm lying with that sentence. My palms are sweaty and my knees are weak and I can't think of anything but making a complete fool out of myself in front of everyone. And no, I don't care about Nathan either.

Yeah, that's a lie too.

On Monday though, everything will be back to normal and I go back to my 'I am Haley James, I am the shit, and no one can touch me' world. It's all mine, and regardless that I'm completely alone in it right now, I still can not wait to get back there and live in my solitude. At least, I think, I won't feel so quite insane right now.

"Damn it James, get back in formation!" Brooke barks from in front of the group. I shrug my shoulders which receives a glare from both Peyton and Brooke and settle in between Rachel and Bevin.

Ever since Brooke caught a glimpse of Nathan pulling me into an empty classroom, she's been extra bitchy. And since it seems that Peyton is her new BFF blood sister for life, her skinny ass has been giving me extra 'eat shit and die' looks.

It's the highlight of my day really.

"It's just a cheer _Faily_, it's shouldn't be too hard to mess up." Rachel sneers from beside me.

"Look Butterball, " I turn glaring at her before continuing, "you might want to worry about how you're fat ass is going to held up on the pyramid. My hand just might give way and well, I would hate to see Bevin crushed in the process."

"Brooke and Nathan really do make a cute couple. " she whispers to me, as I watch Nathan wink in Brooke's direction.

Jealousy, thy name is Haley James.

"It's sickening cute how many pictures Lucas has of him and Peyton in his bedroom." I remark shutting her up fairly quickly. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"I hear that you and Felix are the hot new thing."

"Funny. I heard it was you and something that was battery operated." I retort which causes her to slam her pomp pomes down and turn to face me. I roll my eyes to which she moves up to me her plastic body mere inches from mine. "What are you going to do? Sit on me?"

She shoves me at that point, pushing me into Bevin, who in turn topples over Theresa. I throw my pomp pomes in her face and push her shoulders making her fall back onto the bleacher. She almost immediately gets up storming up to me and bringing back her fist.

"Rachel!" Brooke bellows making her way up to where we're standing. "Knock it off."

Rachel drops her hand in defeat, annoyed at the fact that Brooke made her stop. I smirk in her direction and stick my tongue out placing my hands on my hips. She lunges at me like's she's about to hit me and I don't even blink. She may be a bitchy red headed giant but I'm not afraid of anything.

Except commitment.

"Why are you always causing trouble?" Peyton asks, taking her stance beside Brooke a few feet away from us.

"Oh why don't you pop a pill and pipe down?" I respond. Peyton is next to throw her body in my direction, making Brooke throw out her arms, holding her back.

"Enough Haley!" Brooke scolds as Peyton calms down. "Seriously, can we just get through the routine once with out any mistakes and then you all can have a free for all outside and away from my practice. "

"Just forget about it." I mutter, walking over and grabbing my things. "I'm dipping."

"You can't just leave! We have things to do!"

"Save it Brooke. I know the routine. " I sigh before adding in my afterthought. "Kinda like I know Nathan. Now, Miss Blow Pop over here needs a few pointers." I finish referring to Rachel.

Now, all three girls are clearly pissed the fuck off. Why should I give a damn though. I'm over all these games. I'm ready to get out of the drama and away from these people. Hell, even Peyton, who I miss more than anyone, I would rather hate me being Brooke's friend and away from me. I'm sick of them all.

"You're right, you should just leave." Brooke finally says, and I mockingly bow in front of her and head towards the door.

"Oh and tell Nathan I'm glad we had that nice little chat the other day." I say over my shoulder. I'm not sure why I wanted to piss Brooke off more, but before I know it, my hair is being pulled and I quickly turn around ready to fight.

"Seriously Brooke? You're going to pull my hair? Are we in second grade?" I taunt dropping my bag on the hard gym floor.

"Stay away from my boyfriend." She warns, her small hands balled in a fist.

"What about yours Peyton? Yours off limits?" I ask peeping around Brooke's small frame causing her to ball her fists. "And you Rachel? What about yours? Oh that's right; you don't have one because you're a whore."

Rachel is the first to slap me and I wasn't surprised. But she was when I brought my fist back and then connected it to her fake nose. Brooke was up next, pulling my hair yet again as I turned around and shoved her off of me. I guess Peyton felt the need to jump in too because just as I was gaining my balance she was hopping on my back, her arms around my head.

I don't know how long we've stayed this way, maybe for a few minutes; the four of us bitch slapping and pulling hair, while I tried my best to throw some good punches. I'm fully satisfied that not only have I manage to punch Rachel again making her nose gush blood, but Brooke caught the brunt force of my anger as well.

It doesn't last very long as the rest of the squad screams and I briefly see half the basketball team sprinting over to where we're fighting. I have a sickening feeling that Felix is going to be the one to pull me off of Brooke. Peyton and Rachel are off to the side, Peyton on top of her pulling her hair and pounding her egg shaped head into the ground, no doubt fighting over Lucas.

Surprisingly though, it's Nathan's strong arms that pull me off of Brooke like it's not big thing and it's Jake that's helping Brooke up off the floor. Brooke looks hurt first and then pissed at seeing Nathan's arms still wrapped securely around my waist. My breath is labored but it's not because I just go into a small brawl with Brooke.

Get over yourself Haley. Please.

"Nate man, why don't you let me take care of Haley?" Felix asks walking up to us. I glance up at Nathan and see his face contort into a scowl of jealousy.

"Yeah Nathan." Brooke says stepping out Jake's arms. "Let her boyfriend take care of her and you can take care of me, you know y_our_ girlfriend."

I don't deny that Felix is my boyfriend for the simple fact that I can't let Nathan win here. So I remove his hand reluctantly from my body and take a stand beside Felix. He possessively places his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him, kissing my neck.

I fight the urge to vomit.

"Lets get out of here." He whispers in my ear and I shutter.

"Allow me." Nathan says grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the gym before I, or anyone else for that matter, can protest.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yell, jerking my hand from his once we enter the hallway. There's a few students scattered around and I growl slightly. "If you have any sense of survival skills you'll scatter."

"What are you trying to pull?" he asks as he watches our peers walk away.

"She started it! I am just trying to get all this bullshit out of the way so I can go back to normal."

"Oh and I'm sure you keep your smart ass mouth shut huh? No, you didn't Haley and you started something again. Why can't you just let stuff go and let someone help you?"

Normally, when I'm tired or annoyed or just sick of everything, I get into a mood that rivals even my best P.M.S days. This one of those times. I'm annoyed and I'm pissed and yes, damn it, I'm tired from doing cart wheels and flips and god forsaken happy cheers.

"Oh will you just drop the hero shit Nathan? You're always wanting to save me and I don't want saving." I bite out pointing my finger in his chest.

"She said she doesn't want it Nathan so why don't you just leave her the fuck alone?" We both turn to see Brooke standing there, her left foot sticking out slightly, her hands crossed over her chest. "The two of us get into a fight and she's the one you go to? She's the one you pull aside to talk to? I am your girlfriend…"

"I know…"

"Then why don't you prove it?"

"What do you want me to do?" he asks, stepping away from me a little and looking at Brooke intently.

"Stay away from her. It's really simple Nate. Stay away from that train wreck."

She looks at me in disgust and I roll my eyes. Am I a train wreck? Yeah, I am. I'm covered head to toe in issues that no one can even begin to understand. Nathan sighs and looks at me longingly before creeping away slowly and walking over to Brooke.

"Don't worry Nathan, " I call out forcing the two of them to look at me, "I'm over you and I'm over this. I don't need you. I have a new life that doesn't involve you."

"That's because it involves me." Felix says from behind Brooke and Nathan. I inwardly groan as he brushes past Nathan and once again takes his position beside me. "I'll take real good care of her."

"See, she's got Felix. All is right in the world." Brooke blows our irritated, grabbing Nathan's hand and disappearing back into the gym.

"Get the fuck away from me." I shove Felix away from me and begin trekking down the hall.

"Just who the hell do you think you are?" He asks, latching on to my arm once he catches up to me.

"I suggest you let me go."

"Now, why would I do a thing like that, _girlfriend_?" his grip tightens.

"I'm not your fucking girlfriend." I sneer shoving his chest to no avail.

"You know you go from hot to cold all the time, you're bound to mess with someone's head and piss them off."

"Now which head would that be? The one that's empty balancing on your neck or the itsy bitsy one in your pants? You should be more specific." I retort making him even angrier as he grabs both my arms and forcefully thrusts me up against the lockers, his fist hitting just to the left of my head.

I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath. This, well, this is a little intense. Savior anyone? No takers? Oh yeah, I just gave him a proverbial boot in the ass. Smart James, really. I finally open my eyes and he's still in front of me breathing deeply. I gulp and wince involuntarily as he comes closer whispering in my ear.

"I will have you one day."


	17. Journey Into Darkness Part 1

**A/N: anyone still reading and enjoying this? Because reviews have sorely lacked and I'm doing my very best to update as soon as possible. So enjoy if you read it and drop some love. **

Journey Into Darkness Part 1

I didn't know five AM existed before this morning. Seriously, I'm lucky to wake up ten minutes before the bell rings at school. But here I am, barely awake after Brooke came banging on my door half an hour ago, yawning, and slightly stumbling. Hell, the sun's not even awake yet. How unfair is that?

"Okay guys, we have two cars so lets split up." Brooke says taking her stance in front of the group.

I, of course, inwardly groan knowing that no one wants me in their car. I was shocked when Brooke showed up this morning as it was. I watch awkwardly as everyone splits up and starts putting their bags in the back of the SUVs. So I'm standing there, looking stupid, biting my finger before they finally notice that I'm not moving.

"What's the hold up?" Brooke asks placing her hands on her hips.

"Where would you like me to go?" I ask rolling my eyes.

"To hell." Rachel snorts underneath her breath and Brooke turns to glare at her for a moment.

"You can go in that car." Brooke says pointing to the SUV that has everyone who doesn't hate me, including Felix.

"We're full." Bevin informs us, placing her arms around Skills.

Great.

"Oh I don't know about all that…"

"What? You didn't want to go with your boyfriend?" Nathan mutters getting in the car and slamming the door.

"Come on, " Jake says coming up and throwing his arm around me. "you can sit beside me."

Before I can protest, throw a temper tantrum, or hey, even cry, Jake is throwing my bags in the back and everyone is getting in slamming doors. Nathan's driving with Brooke in the front with him; Rachel, Lucas, and Peyton are in the middle, you can figure that one out; and Jake is sitting beside me.

Now, it's going to take probably five hours to get there, granted we don't have any major catastrophes such as Peyton killing Rachel, or me throttling Brooke, or perhaps even me slitting my wrists; because honestly, I think that would be the better alternative at this point.

"Can we please put on some music?" Peyton whines about five minutes into the journey.

"No, P. Sawyer, we can't. I told everyone to bring their iPods for this reason. Nobody can agree on what music to listen to so we're not touching the radio." Brooke explains, lacing her fingers in with Nathan's and giving him a small smile.

P. Sawyer? P. Sawyer?! I think I could literally scream at that one statement. Just who in the hell does she think she is? That's my nickname, my best friend, and my boyfriend! Whoa. You know, it's really amazing how thankful you are when you don't say some things out loud.

This would be one of those times.

"But I didn't bring mine." Rachel says propping her knee up and picking at her nails.

"Sucks for you." Peyton responds placing her headphones on her ears.

"I'm sure we can agree on something." Lucas reasons.

"Okay, lets think about this." Brooke responds turning around in her seat. She places her hand on Nathan's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "Nathan here likes Eminem. I, on the other hand like Justin Timberlake. And you Broody?"

"Ray Lamontagne."

"P. Sawyer?"

"Jimmy Eat World."

"Rach-ho?"

"Lupe Fiasco."

"Jake?"

"I don't care."

"See, nobody can agree." Brooke smiles turning back around in her seat. I'm not surprised that she skipped over me but it doesn't change the fact that it really pissed me off.

"You can't really blame her." Jake whispers leaning over. I scowl and grumble and pout but in the end I know he's right.

"I only have to deal with it for three more days.

"And then the whole two months till graduation."

"You really know how to make me feel better don't you?" I remark but still manage to smile anyway.

X-x-X

My eyes flutter open as I feel our car hit a bump and as they adjust to the sunlight I see we're pulling into a gas station. I try to drown out Brooke barking out orders of how much time we have before we have to get back on the road. Since my bladders good and my stomachs full I make no move to get up and instead lay my head back down.

"I'm going to miss you."

I was hoping he wouldn't say anything.

"Oh my God Nathan, would you just give it a rest." I mutter, quite annoyed, sitting up straight.

"I've tried Haley, and I can't."

"Okay, let me give a crash course in how this works. You are with Brooke. You're not leaving Brooke and I don't want you to leave Brooke. I want to be alone, and even if I didn't, I don't want to be with you. I keep trying to tell you that I've moved on…"

"Is Felix the person you cheated on me with?" he asks looking in the rearview mirror at me. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh.

"Yes." I bite out sitting back against the seat and crossing my arms. "Do you feel better now? You need to stay with Brooke and I'll stay with Felix and everything will be okay."

"I can't believe you would lie to me. You were one of the people I trusted the most and for you to just rip that apart; it's just really crappy of you."

I sigh once more. Contrary to popular belief, I don't like hurting people, I don't like pushing them away, and I don't like lying to them either. But it's my default setting so what am I supposed to do? I'm going to do better, I will start fresh one day…I just have to get this whole thing out of my system.

"I'm sorry Nathan." Is all I can say to him. "I've made mistakes and I can't fix them even if I tried. But you need to move on and you need to forget about me."

"How am I supposed to forget about you? Are you even going to forget about me? I loved you." He practically murmurs the last part to where I can barely hear him.

And no, it doesn't go unnoticed that he used the past tense.

Before I can respond, everyone is piling back in the truck gabbing away and Nathan clears his throat. Brooke glances between the two of us but says nothing in regards to why we were both still in here together. Jake climbs over the seat and throws a bag of chips on my lap.

"You're too damn skinny." He explains when I give him a questioning look.

X-x-X

We're now into hour two of our torturous journey, and I'm trying my best to concentrate on tutoring Jake while trying not to concentrate on watching Brooke and Nathan giggle and touch one another. Coupled with my occasional motion sickness, it doesn't make a good combination right at this very second.

"We need gas." Nathan says as we lose site of the SUV in front of us that Skills is driving.

"Why didn't you get gas when were at the gas station?" Brooke snips dropping Nathan's hand.

"I, uh, "

"He was busy." I offer, looking up from the book in my lap.

"Clearly."

I'm about to offer up my next smart ass comment when I hear the engine sputter and Nathan pulls off to the side of the road. So I can infer from his previous comment and the action that he is taking now that the very worse that could happen on this journey, has in fact, just happened.

We have run out of gas.

"Oh I cannot believe you!" Brooke screeches getting out of the car and slamming the door. Rachel's next, followed by Peyton so of course Lucas has to follow leaving just me, Jake, and Nathan in the car. Jake shrugs and hops over the seat and is next out of the car to which I quickly follow. I am not even trying to be in that situation again.

"So what do we do now?" I hear Peyton ask as I step out of the car.

"Did anyone see where the last gas station was?"

"Look around. We're in the middle of freakin no where." Brooke hollers turning around and pointing for effect.

"Can you stop screaming? It's like seven in the morning." I ask taking a look around. Of course she glares and I roll my eyes in response. "I saw a gas station a few miles back; I walk and go get some gas."

"You can't be serious." Nathan says as he too gets out of the car.

"Why not?"

"Because it's a few miles back."

"Yeah, you can't go by yourself." Lucas agrees which receives a punch in the side by Peyton.

"I'm not defenseless."

"How about we call a tow truck?" Jake suggests whipping out his cell phone.

"Well?"

"No service." Jake responds pointing his cell phone in different directions. This one simple statement makes everyone pull out their own cell phones and upon seeing that they in fact have no service, they all let out a collective groan.

"I shall return." I mutter walking off in the direction of the gas station.

"Do you have directions?" Brooke asks Nathan and I stop dead in my tracks.

"No, I'm driving. Why would I have the directions? Shouldn't you have the directions?"

"Nathan I gave them to you before we left."

"Then I have them."

"Where are they?"

"They're with Skills. I let him hold them for a second while I checked the oil."

"You mean the same Skills who isn't anywhere in the vicinity of where we are?" I ask turning back around.

"Oh."

"Smooth, ace, really."

"So we're in the middle of nowhere, with no gas, no directions, and no cell phones." Rachel clarifies.

"How long did it take you to figure that one out dumbass?" I ask placing my hand on my hips.

"Faster than it took you to realize that Nathan would rather be with Brooke."

"Rachel!" Brooke, Nathan, Lucas, Jake, and hell, even Peyton all scream.

"No," I say throwing my hands up and backing up. "She's right. Just don't worry about it."

"Hales…"

"Don't." I warn Nathan. "The few of you who do, in fact, like me can't even really talk to me for fear of the wrath of the girls that drape on your arms. And the rest of you who don't like me, well tough shit. I'm here, and nobody, including me wants me here. So deal with it."

"Haley…"

"And just for the record, with the exception of Lucas and Jake, I don't care for any of you at the present time. So I'm going to go and get some gas so we can get this show on the road and make it to the hellhole you have dubbed the Classic. Now don't try to stop to me, just sit back and relax and hopefully, if I'm really lucky some psycho maniac while pick me up and murder me."

Before anyone can protest, and not that I was expecting them to anyway, I turn around and walk away. I seem to be doing that a lot these days, and in truth I'd rather run all the way back to Tree Hill then turn around and come back to these people. I can't even make it out of their eye sight before my name is being called.

"Haley! Wait! I'm coming with you."

Brooke.


	18. Wonder if I'll ever bury the hatchet

**A/N: No, your eyes are not decieving you. Two updates in one week...wow. I was looking at this story and I hadn't even realized that I've been writing this for almost a year. Wow. Anyway, I'm in the process, right at this very second of writing the next chapter. I stopped briefly to post this so you would have it but I've got a lot of inspiration. I've been telling you guys every so often that the climax is at the Classic and while this story as been pretty humorous for the most part, it's about to get very angst filled and there's going to be a tragedy. And I've been struggling with it, debating whether or not to keep it the way i want it to turn out or change it so that no body's going to be pissed that it happened. I think I'm going to go with what I want to happen but to be safe, when it comes to that point, I'm going to write two chapters, and if everyone hates the orignal, I'll post the back up to make everyone happy. K? Sound good. Anyway, I wanted to thank all of you who take the time to review. As an author, it makes you feel really good. Special shout out to **xxbabii **for your super long review. Thanks :). So enjoy this chapter, it's all Baley and I like it. Oh, and leave some love people. **

Wonder if I'll ever bury the hatchet inside

"I suggest you not even breathe in the wrong way or so help me God I will push you into oncoming traffic."

I don't even turn around as I say this to Brooke. She's about five feet behind me, and ever since I whirled around and started ignoring her, she's still been tagging along. We've been walking in silence for about ten minutes now, and I figure I might as well warn her before she starts yapping away about nonsense. Why would she even want to come with me anyway?

"How do you know I wouldn't push you first?" she quips, quickening her pace slightly and falling into stride with me. "If you hadn't forgotten the gas can I wouldn't be here."

"But, Brooke, if I were gone, you wouldn't have something to bitch about."

"No, no. Because you see, unfortunately, Rach-ho would still be around. But then again, if I weren't around you wouldn't have nearly as many people to piss off."

"No, but I would have fun trying to find new ones."

She's silent for a minute and I can tell she's about to go into that speech. You know, the one that says I'm better than this, I don't have to guard myself, people can be your friends…blah, blah, blah, Newsflash, I'm not better than this, I have to guard myself because people tend to screw me over, and people were my friends until she stole them.

"I'm so jealous of you."

Yeah, that totally came out of left field for me. How about you?

"What?" I ask stopping dead in my tracks, staring at her intently.

Disbelief, thy name is Haley James.

"I mean…"

"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard." I cut her off and I can't help the pissiness my voice contains.

"Why is that?"

"Because you're Brooke, 'I'm captain of the cheer sluts, I date the captain of the basketball team, I have 6.2 billion friends, oh and by the way I manage to be a fashion designer, president of the student body, and founder of D.W. Not I.' Davis. Yeah, you're really jealous of me."

"Yeah, I am."

"_Right."_

"Because you're Haley 'I do whatever I want despite the consequences, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks, I have the love of not one, but two amazing boys, I'm smart, I'm gorgeous, I'm cocky and if I put my mind to it, I can do whatever the hell I want' James. Oh and you have amazing to die for legs."

I study her for a few minutes before throwing my hands up in defeat or confusion; I'm not quite sure before walking off once more. I don't know what to think about her really, just that one minute she's pulling my hair and bitching and the next she's saying she's jealous of me.

"You're not going to say anything?"

"What? Do you want me to say I'm totally jealous of you so we can 'bond'? Because that's not my style and I think you know that. I'm not envious of you whatsoever and I've already told you why. You're gonna live your life according to what others dictate for you instead of going out there and finding it on your own. Good luck with that one."

"Oh so you're totally cool when you see me kissing Nathan. You don't feel a little pang of jealousy bubble up to the surface, just dying to pop. Or how about when I call Peyton 'P. Sawyer.' Isn't that your nickname?"

"Are you dying to wear a black eye to the Classic you're sure to lose for the now fourth year in a row?" I threaten stomping back to where she is standing.

Cool, Haley. Stay cool. You can beat her at her own game.

"Besides," I smirk, "aren't you just a little bit concerned that when Nathan's kissing you he's probably imagining me?"

The bitch hits me. I mean slams me square in my jaw, knocking me back a few feet. I stumble trying to get my bearing and grab my injuries, rubbing them soothingly. She has her hand on thighs, panting; like that small hit kicked the wind right out of her. Then again, she is really small.

"Dude what the hell is your problem?" I yell, making her head snap forward.

"You asked for it."

Okay, well that's fine. But she totally just asked for me hitting her back. She falls to the ground, for some reason pulling me with her, and before I can even think we're both in the gas and dirt rolling around having a full blown cat fight. I finally roll on top of her, forcing her into submission and back up off her and stand to me my feet, her quickly following suit.

"You can't just go around hitting people whenever you feel like it! If that were the case, I would suggest you by stock in Covergirl consealer because you would constantly need it being around me. But I don't go around hurting you."

"No, not physically, you don't."

Wow, is that guilt?

Shit.

"Why do you even care? You know how you said I don't let people get the best of me and I don't are what people think? You wanna know how I do that? I don't give them the power to do so. If you don't give people that power they can't touch you."

"You don't have any kind of power over me."

"Keep telling yourself that Brookie." I call over my shoulder. "Now, could you please shut the fuck up?"

Finally, an end is in sight. Well, at least a midway point. I can see the gas station in the distance and if it weren't for my legs killing me from Brooke's craptastic practices, I would probably sprint there. But, I'm lazing and there's a part of me that's trying to prevent us from going to the Classic.

"You have to be freakin kidding me."

"Good going genius." Brooke remarks coming up and standing beside me. "You took notice of an abandoned gas station. Kudos to you. "

"Shut up." I grumble snatching the gas can from her hand and stomping over a truck rusting behind the station.

"Just what the hell are you doing?"

I ignore her as I go about rummaging through all the junk in the bed of the truck, cheering as I find a rather old and gross looking hose. I pull out my pocket knife that Chris made me care around and cut the hose, sticking one end into the gas tank, praying their gas in the ancient vehicle.

"Haley." Brooke demands as I hand her the gas can to hold as I begin to siphon gas. "Practice much?" she asks and I roll my eyes, motioning for her to hand me the container when I feel the gas coming up.

"Yeah, I know, you don't have to say anything. I am a genius." I laugh leaning up against the truck as the gas fills the can.

"Dude, who knew you were like the fourth Charlie's Angel." She laughs as well, amusement twinkling in her eyes.

"Yeah, Nathan showed me out to do that." I blurt out completely unintentionally. "Shit. I didn't mean it like it sounded."

"That sounds like a hot date." She muses letting me know that she acknowledges that we have a past and there's no getting around it. "How did that happen?"

"He ran out of gas." I giggle, pulling out the hose from the truck and replacing the cap. "We were in the middle of no where and had to walk six or seven miles until we found a broke down car on the side of the road. The only difference is, he got gas in his mouth and well, I didn't. I mastered it."

"He's not Einstein."

"No, but he is brilliant with that stupid orange ball."

"It's not stupid to him." She says quietly. It's then that I truly get how much she cares for him, even if she's not in love with him. She clears her throat and looks me in the eyes. "I didn't realize you cared about that."

"About him playing basketball? If I admire nothing else about him, I can't help but be simply amazed by the grace he possesses on that court. I loved him taking me out to the River Court to watch him." I sigh, dreamily thinking of a time long gone now.

"We, we should really get back." She fumbles of her words, pointing to the direction of the car and walking back.

"Brooke wait!"

What is this? Now _I'm_ the one calling after _her_?

"Bonding a little too much?" I ask once she stops and I stride up to her.

"It's a bit awkward." She admits, shuffling her feet a little bit. "But it's not bonding with you that has me weirded out."

"Really? I'm on the verge of a panic attack." I joke which evokes no kind of emotion from her. Actually, she looks kind of sad.

"The only time I've ever seen him play is at a school game. He's never taken me to the River Court."

Oh. I guess it's a really good thing I didn't tell her that was our special place. He took me there the first day we met, for a reason I'm not quite sure of. I was pissed because he spilled coffee on me, but after seeing him play, I couldn't stay away from him. Honestly, I don't know how I managed to stay away from him the past two years. But then again, I love him enough to know I'm not good for him.

We would go there at least three times a week, if not more. I'd strum on my guitar, writing lyrics, as he run up and down the court. Like I said before, silence with us was never boring but we were doing what we loved, as completely opposite they were; they were being done together. We were together. And that's all that mattered to us.

"I think I like it a lot better when we hate one another." She says spinning around on her heel and continuing the journey.

"Oh come on, this isn't so bad."

Wait. Did I just say that?

"We're too hot and cold you know?" she asks, covering her eyes and squinting against the sunlight.

"Yeah but that's the beauty of you and me. We can hate one another and still manage to through in civilized conversation every once in a while."

"No, not you and me."

"Oh."

"I mean one minute he can't keep his hands off of me," she says as I grimace. "and other times he's as fun as a pet rock. He gets distance and moody and while he tells me a lot, I always feel like he's keeping a part of him locked up and hidden away."

"You just, "I sigh. Damn, how did I get into handing out love advice for the love of my life and another woman? "You just have to be patient and know what doors to beat on so he'll let you in. Eventually, he'll break down the entire wall so you don't even have to knock anymore."

"I have to be patient?"

"Well yeah…"

"Two years isn't patient enough?" she cries, and my head snaps up to see the tears fall down her cheek. "You had him pegged in what, like two weeks? Two years later, I'm lucky if he tells me he's having a crappy day."

"Look, I'm not getting into this with you. It's weird enough. I had my thing with Nathan and while it was beautiful, it's completely different than what he has with you. Your relationship is the one that will last because it's based on trust and love and respect. Minus the whole you being in love with Chris thing, but that's entirely besides the point. I mean you guys have the whole marriage, and 2.5 kids, with a dog and white picket fence in your future. Which, I'll admit is a bit cliché…."

"Haley!"

"Rambling? Sorry."

"You don't get it. Even if we do get married, he'll always look at me and want it to be you."

I don't know what to say to her, not sure what an appropriate or hell, inappropriate response is to that. Words and wit are failing me right now, but at least I'm not a cold enough person to say that I don't feel bad for her. I am a big enough bitch though to say that's she bring this on herself.

"You know, you could just, you know…leave." I point out, still standing in my same position as she's walking.

"I thought we already went over this." She grits out turning back around.

"We did." I confirm, nodding my head. "That doesn't mean it suddenly makes sense to me."

"Not everyone can run away from something great Haley."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know what it means."

"Well if I hadn't of ran away then you wouldn't have him and your whole life planned out right now would you?" I retort.

"Yeah, I would."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because eventually he would've found out that you cheated on him."

"He, he told you about that?" I ask slightly hurt that he talks about 'us' to her.

"Yup. He does tell me some things."

"Yeah, you're right. I do like it better when we're at each other's throat." I say, brushing past her, suddenly very eager to get back.

"Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" I ask, not even bothering to stop.

"Why did you cheat on him?"

"So he would leave me the hell alone." I respond, grumbling the next part. "Which isn't going to work in this situation."

"Yeah, but why Felix?"

"Because I'm in love with him." I mutter sarcastically, which she clearly doesn't pick up on.

"Oh, so you're gonna run away from him too."

"No, I want this one to stick around."

"Good luck with that."

"Is there a reason bitch is being a Brooke?" I ask twirling around, letting the full gas can drop to the ground, making a dull thud sound.

"Because I don't like you."

"Yeah? Well, you're no picnic either."

"I mean, who does really? Besides Bevin and that's only because she knows no better. Not even your parents like you."

Whoa.

"Peyton told you that?" I ask and she nods a smug look crossing her features.

"We should get back."


	19. Secrets Don't Make Friends

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Enjoy and leave me some words. Next chapter hopefully up soon.**

Secrets Don't Make Friends, They Break Them

Now that I've had a good half an hour to forty five minutes to sit and brew and be pissed off more and more by the second I'm pretty much ready to rip Peyton's fake blonde curls right from her egg shaped head. Brooke has yet to even make a peep; not even when she tripped over a rock. The glare I sent her was enough to make her shut up real fast.

But on the very dimly lit side of things, we do have gas and only three more days of hell before it's off to Haley's world again. I wish things could've been different somehow, really I do, but in the grand scheme of things I think this is for the best. Yeah, I know what you're all thinking: let him in, get over it, and move on, blah, blah, blah. Seriously though, it's really not that easy.

I look up from my Converse clad feet when I hear the sounds of cheering. In the short distance I see Lucas sitting on top of the hood of the car reading, Jake sitting down studying, and Nathan tapping his fingers on the steering wheel no doubt killing the battery. Mostly though, I take notice of Rachel and Peyton practicing our cheers.

How annoyingly cute.

I can't help but feel myself boiling over with anger seeing Peyton. Regardless of what happened, or what didn't happen with Lucas, I think she's taking this grudge thing a little too far. But okay, I get it; if she wants to hate me that's her thing and I can deal with it. But it really pisses me the fuck off that she went running her mouth to everyone but my parents.

Or lack there of.

And then there's my savior. My knight in freaking armor. Basketball shorts. Whatever. If it wasn't bad enough that our secret was out, that our love was exposed, he had to make sure he told Brooke about how I managed to royally fuck it up. Or lied about fucking it up. You get my point right?

"Stay away from Nathan." Brooke huffs walking past me to get in the passenger seat of the car.

"So did you get the gas?" Jake asks looking up from his notebook as I drop the gas can on the ground beside him with a loud thump and march my over to Peyton.

Then I proceed to slap her.

"What the hell was that for?" she screams cupping her now reddening jaw.

"Oh trust me, you deserved a lot worse."

"Oh right because I was the one to almost sleep with the guy you're in love with. AND get his jersey number tattooed on my ass!"

"You're in love with me?" Lucas asks, fear and bewilderment plastered all over his confused face.

"Yes, you moron but now is not the time."

"Right."

"No, you were the one who decided to blab to her new BFF that I have parents who don't know I exist nine times out of ten!"

"Like she didn't already know that. You're staying at Lucas's house for Christ's Sake!"

"Did you fail to mention to her about Daddy dearest leaving you? Did you make sure you included that conversation in your slumber party? Or how about that he went out and snatched himself his very own brand new family and forgot all about your miserable ass."

I smirk when I see her frown but at the same time, I feel kinda guilty. Then again, the smug look on Brooke's face when she made the bit about my parents pretty much blows any remorse I have all to hell. I don't even flinch when Peyton makes her way up to me, standing mere inches from my face, her face red with fury.

"Oh but wait, I just did." I place my palm over my mouth, faking innocence and rolling my eyes. "Please don't think that two can't play this game."

"I think that was uncalled for." Nathan says stepping down from the car and shutting the door.

"And there he is, Whores and Gentlemen my favorite backstabber of all." I mockingly clap as I turn around to face him.

Wanna know what really sucks? And I mean this as in it sucks even though I lied about it kinda sucks. He believed me. He believed me when I told him I cheated on him. Didn't protest, didn't see past the walls I threw up, just took what I said at face value. And then went and told Brooke. BROOKE. I understand Lucas, but Brooke?

"Brooke Nathan? Seriously?" I ask much more calming and with my voice sounding hurt more than angry.

"What are you talking about?" he asks, his eyebrows knitting in confusion just below his furrowed forehead.

"The thing about us Nathan was that it was all ours. It was nobody's to touch or to tarnish or to ruin. Our love was invisible to the world and that kept it safe. So when you go running your mouth telling Brooke about us, it really kinda pisses me off. Nobody knew about it from me. Chris was my best friend and not even he had a clue."

"I…"

"No." I command placing my hand up to stop him. "You are a jackass."

"I'm sorry Hales." He says meekly, looking up me and hesitantly placing one of his calloused hands on my cheek.

Corny as it may be, I practically melt into his touch.

"It's just, I dunno. I was in a rough spot and it hurt. Brooke, she's my best friend." He says and I can't help but forgive him. Sometimes I don't think he realizes that we're not the only two people in the world. "My girlfriend."

"We're scared Nathan. Got that?" I ask shrugging of his hand from my face. I suck in my breath, completely unsure about what I'm about to say. "No matter what happened before or after us or anything bad that happened during us, you and I are completely scared and off limits."

"Untouchable." He agrees.

"Unbreakable."

God, what I would do to kiss him.

"Nathan!" Brooke barks making our way up to the two of us where we're now placing a considerable amount of distance between us. "What the hell?"

I fight the urge to roll my eyes but end up failing miserably.

"And you!" she says turning away from Nathan and glaring at me, pointing her finger at me. "Just who in the hell do you think you are? I just told you not five minutes ago to stay away from him. Him as in my boyfriend and not yours. Why can't you just drop off the face of the planet?"

"You're the one who dragged me here! I would've done anything, _anything_, to not be here right now! I would've rather went to military boarding school and pick up trash with my teeth for five years than be here rehashing hurtful memories!" I yell taking a minute to catch my breath and my emotions.

"Trust me, if I didn't want to win that competition so damn much your ass would be on the side of road, chocking on the dust from our car speeding off. And as much as it pains me to admit it, we need you. Now get your ass in gear and lets get a move on." She snaps, spinning on her heel and stomping off.

I just stand there. I watch Nathan follow Brooke like a little lost puppy begging for food as she slams the door in his face and crosses her arms over her chest. I watch Jake shake his head and climb into the back, followed closing by Lucas. I hear Rachel muttering about how this is bullshit and feel her breeze past me.

"We're not done yet either Fauxdilocks." I say slapping the back of Peyton's head as she too walks by.

"No, we were done weeks ago." She huffs turning around and climbing in the car.

X-x-X

"Oww."

"Don't be such a girl Jake."

"Well I wouldn't if you didn't hit like a boy." He whines rubbing the top of his hand.

"I'm not hitting you, I'm slapping you and you're just being a baby." I tease sticking my tongue out. "Besides, I tried to warn you that I was the master at slaps."

"So you wanna know a secret?" he asks wincing as I once again slap his exposed hand.

"Is it one I have to keep?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not the best person to keep secrets."

"You kept your whole affair with Nathan secret for two years." He points out as I glare at him in return. "Okay…moving on."

"Point taken. What is it?"

"What is what?"

"The secret dumbass." I roll my eyes as he sighs and leans in closer to my ear.

"I like Brooke."

"Yeah, who doesn't?" I retort slightly more annoyed than I was to begin with.

Everyone likes Brooke.

"No, you don't get it. Brooke and I, well we were going out before she and Nathan." He explains as my eyes widen slightly. "Anyway, she found out something about me that she couldn't ignore or couldn't handle or her parents wouldn't approve of and had to move on to bigger things."

"What did she find out? I mean, you can't possibly have that many secrets."

"My parents really don't have that much money. And she, well I guess she just couldn't give that up in life. It was kind of a secret though because she was friends with Peyton when Peyton and I went out and then after Peyton's dad left she hated Brooke and Brooke didn't want to do anything more to piss her off."

"So if Peyton knew that you and Brooke went out, she would be pretty pissed off at Brooke huh?" I ask, the devious wheels in my head spinning.

"No, no, no. Don't even think about it Haley. It's a secret. You cannot breathe a word to anyone about it."

"You're no fun." I frown shaking my head slightly. "I won't tell anyone. But I mean, do you want to be with her?"

"Brooke? Well yeah, most days. She doesn't want me though."

"I don't want Felix." I whisper looking down at my hands. "I can't believe I just told you that. We're not even together. I just let everyone think that, including him, so no one thinks I'm hung up on Nathan."

I say this as I glance up at Nathan doing his best to concentrate on driving. We lock eyes as he looks in the rearview mirror and I quickly look away. No need for him to see the tears forming in my eyes. It's been one hell of a day and it's only the beginning.

"I'm starving."


	20. Journey Into the Darkness Pt 2

**A/N: Thanks for all of you that patiently wait for an update. I hope you enjoy this one and the climax should be in a few chapters. Meanwhile enjoy and leave some love.**

Journey Into Darkness Part 2

Wow. Welcome to Hickville, North Carolina. Okay, so maybe that's not what the sign says but it might as well be. After Brooke whined for thirty straight minutes, after we passed any kind of normal civilization, Nathan decided to stop and get his girlfriend some food.

We're not even going to comment on how sickening cute it is.

"This place is disgusting." Brooke says, peeking over her sun glasses and peering at the truck stop café in front of us.

"Do you want to eat or not?" Nathan grumbles as I roll my eyes and make my way into the café.

"How many?" A very rounding older woman asks me coming up to where I'm standing.

"Seven." Nathan answers coming into the door and standing behind me.

"Six and one." I correct looking around the packed place. Is the whole town here or something? With it being lunchtime the small diner is clearly breaking a few fire codes. I can tell this place will probably give me a few clogged arteries but I'm so damn hungry that I could care less.

"Sorry, there's just the booth over there in the corner so if you're with them sweetie I suggest you take a seat."

"Great." I muster up my biggest fake smile and take the menu from her hands and sit at the end of the seat.

"Slide over." Rachel commands, placing her hand on her hips.

"Oh, no. If I have to live with the torment of sitting with you all, I'm sitting on the end. I have to have an escape route."

"Do you think they have anything with no fat and no calories?" Brooke asks looking over the menu.

"Water." I sing song, never taking my eyes off the menu. Everyone, excluding Brooke, and including Nathan stifle the urge to laugh.

"Just get a sandwich babe." Nathan says clearing his throat and hiding his red cheeks behind the menu.

"No, I think I'll just have some toast."

"Then get the toast."

"But I'm starving."

"Then get a burger."

"But that's too greasy."

"Then get a chicken sandwich."

"No, I'm not really in the mood for chicken."

"Damn it shut up." I yell, slamming my palm down on the table causing everyone to jump. "The two of you together is just so damn sickening. You're always trying to please her and she's always being so damn difficult."

"Well that doesn't sound familiar at all." Nathan retorts staring me directly in the eye.

"I'm going to go wait in the car." I sigh placing my menu down, being thankful I sat on the end, and walk out the restaurant.

I stop once I get outside, past the car and far away from the café itself. I'm tired of playing games with him. You want the honest to God truth? I'm more in love with that blue eyed boy now than I ever was. Even though it makes me sick to see him with Brooke, even though it scares the hell out of me to even think about being with him, I still want him. Every bit of him.

I just can't have him.

I don't know how long I stand out there in the middle of nothingness until I hear someone walk up. I don't know who it is, nor do I care to. All these little chit chats and pep talks and threats about staying away from one's boyfriend when he was mine first are really pissing me off.

"We're leaving."

"I'm going home."

"How are you getting there?"

"Why do you care?" I challenge turning around and staring her down.

"Trust me, I don't give a shit about you."

"Then do me a favor Rach-ho, jump in front of a bus and leave me alone."

"You know, I see the way the two of you look at one another. You want him back so bad don't you?"

"No, Rachel." I groan, rolling my eyes.

"If you think for a second that I'm not going to get you back for breaking up me and Lucas, you're wrong."

"You and you're idle threats don't scare me."

"Hey, can you two move your fat asses so we can get to Charlotte on time?" Brooke booms coming up to the two of us.

"She says she's going home."

"No she's not."

"The hell I'm not."

"Haley, get in the damn car."

Nathan.

"You no longer have any impact in my life." I spat coming up to his six foot three structure which practically cowers over my five foot four. "And all of you flip flopping every six freaking seconds debating whether you should like me or not is really starting to piss me off."

"We don't like you." Rachel and Brooke say simultaneously.

"What about you hot shot?" I question looking up, making sure to make direct eye contract.

He can't hurt me. Nothing he says will have any effect on me. I haven't given him the power to hurt me. It doesn't work that way. So if he says he doesn't like me, then so be it. It's destiny. But if he happens to say he's madly in love with me and pulls me into his arms, kissing me passionately; well I think I love him enough to push him away. I wish we could let one another go.

"Brooke, go get in the car. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"What? No."

"Babe, please?" he asks as she bites her lower lip in contemplation before grabbing Rachel's hand and dragging them to the car.

"I love Brooke."

Wow. Okay. So maybe I lied. Maybe he does hold the most power in the world to hurt me. Because he could say he doesn't like me, he can even say he can not even stand to be around me, but for him to say that he loves Brooke, is just a little too much. Do I think he loves Brooke? No, I really don't. Well, maybe in the friends, I care for you deeply kind of way. Not the kind of love we shared.

"Right."

"Haley, I mean it okay? You think that just because our parents want us to be together that we are together. That's not the case. I'm not with her because I have to be. I'm with her because I want to be with her. Somewhere along the way, in between the drama and the hurt and all the confusion I…"

"You what?"

"I fell in love with her." He whispers and I take a step away from him like I've been slapped. "And it's the kind of love that's real. There's no secrets and lies and betrayal. Because we love one another; I adore her and we respect one another. I don't know that with anyone else."

He says it with such conviction in his eyes and such sincerity in his voice that I can't help but believe him. Am I crushed? Of course. I thought, no I knew, that he had to love me. But at the very same time, I can feel slightly relieved that he's letting me go, and finally moving on. He's a lot better off without me. I know everyone doesn't understand that, most of all him, but it's just the way I am.

"Good." I nod. "Good, because as much as she grates my nerves, she's a good person and deserves the very best. It doesn't get much better than you Nathan Scott."

Now I can say that I said that with all the sincerity in my heart.

"What the hell just happened?" Jake asks once I climb into my seat and cross my arms over my chest, staring out the window.

I watch as Brooke comes up to Nathan and he puts his arm over her shoulder, kissing her temple lightly. She looks up at him thankfully, at least one of her dimples showing as he whispers something into her ear. I'm no genius at reading lips but I'm almost positive that he's saying 'I love you.'

"Hales?" Jakes asks, forcing me to look at him.

"I'm letting him go."

X-x-X

"We're lost."

"We're not lost."

"Why did we have to take the scenic route again?"

"Because you wanted to Brooke."

"Well why didn't you knock some sense into me boyfriend?" Brooke giggles.

"You put the puppy dog eyes on babe. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Why doesn't someone call Skills? He the one with the map." I helpfully point out from the very back seat in my half asleep state.

"No need. There's the road to the interstate." Nathan says pointing to the sign a few hundred feet ahead that says Charlotte.

"Yay!" Brooke claps reaching over and kissing Nathan on the cheek.

"It only took, eight hours, a few punches, and a couple of tears but we're finally almost there." I grumble, making Jake chuckle in the process.

"Okay, girls, so when we get to Rachel's cabin, we're only going to have a few hours to get ready." Brooke announces, turning around to face everyone in the car.

"A few hours to get ready for what?" Peyton asks, taking a head phone off of her ear and sitting up from Lucas's shoulder.

"To party." Brooke grins, her infamous twinkle in her eye in place.

"What about practice?" I ask skeptically.

"This day has been absolutely hellish enough. I want to party. Besides, we'll have all day tomorrow to practice our routine."

"Whatever you say boss." I salute, before falling back on my pillow and closing my eyes.

"Hey guys, we're here."


	21. The Wicked End

**A/N: Well guys, this is it. This chapter is part one to the climax/tragedy I've been telling you about since the beginning. I'm already writing the next chapter and it's very hard but very personal to me. A lot of the readers said they weren't going to continue reading since it wasn't going to be happy Naley and that' s a shame because I think you're going to miss out. The rest of the story is really going to be centered around Haley and rebuilding her life, as opposed to the beginning of the story where all she did was destroy it. Um, I decided that I'm not going to write two versions of this chapter because this is what I planned on happening since the beginning. And no, I didn't promise happy Naley at the beginning either, I said that I was a Naley fan and that it probably would end up that. Probably being the key word there. It didn't happen that way. It works out better this way. **

The Wicked End

I can finally feel a little bit content knowing that we've at least made it to Charlotte generally unscathed. Well, kinda. This journey's been absolute hellish to say the least but I think for the most part, I feel a little bit of closure. Don't think for a second that I'm happy or satisfied with the outcome of my life thus far but I'm okay.

And I mean that. For once, I actually feel like everything could possible be okay. I mean eventually Chris and I will be friends again and even though Peyton's not going to be, at least she's happy with Lucas. Nathan? Well I for one think he deserves to be happy and if I can't do that, well far be it from me to stand in the way of the person that does.

"I've got top bunk." I smile throwing my bag on the top of the bed and turning around to face Jake.

"We can't share?" he smirks wiggling his eyebrows as he drops his bags on the floor.

"No!"

"Hales, we have made out before." He points out coming up and standing beside me. He nudges my shoulder slightly digging me out of my thoughts. "So am I the only one who thinks it's totally lame that we have no one to share our beds with?"

"Oh but I do!" I grin digging through my bag and producing my childhood bear. "I have Mr. Waffles!"

"On second thought, it's absolutely perfect that we're the ones stuck with the bunk beds. I'm sharing it with a five year old!"

"You're so jealous." I sing song placing him on the bed.

"Do you want the bathroom first?" he asks, unzipping his bag and taking out some clothes.

"For what?"

"To get ready. To go out…to party. Like Brooke demanded."

"I'm not going." I shrug pulling out my most comfortable pair of sleeping shorts and a camisole tank top.

"Why not?"

"Because that's not really my scene anymore Jake." I tell him honestly. "I mean if it were a few months ago, Peyton and I would be swapping clothes, looking bitchin', going out to clubs using our fake IDs to get plastered. Then we would politely, although not really, tell all the guys that hit on us to keep their drinks and give us the cash."

"Brutal."

"And then we would inform them that the only company they were getting was from their hand." I giggle at Jake's amused expression.

"You're not like that anymore."

I think for a moment before speaking. "No, I'm not. I want that something that everyone else hopes and dreams for."

"You can't have that with Nathan?"

"You know, to be so quiet, you're really blunt." I frown pulling my hair up into a messy bun. "And no, I can't have that with Nathan."

"Why not?"

"Because he's in love with Brooke." I smile despite myself.

"That's a bit cliché for my tastes. Captain of the basketball team and the captain of the cheerleading squad? I mean, I for one, think it should be the cocky jock and the looked over loner."

"Yeah, because that's not cliché at all right?"

"It's obvious he loves you."

"And I love him too Jake. But I've hurt him a lot and I don't blame him for moving on. Even if I think it's a bit disgusting at times, they do care for one another. He doesn't love me anymore. She's the one for him."

"And who's the one for you?"

I don't get a chance to respond before he gets up and goes into the adjoining bathroom. Before long I hear the shower running and I walk to the window seat to sit down. Do I want to go and see Brooke and Nathan grinding with each other, sucking face? Eww…no. But I have a sinking suspicion, one way or another Brooke is going to make me.

"Let's go." I look up to see Brooke in the doorway.

"Go where?"

"We're all in the master bathroom, getting ready. Lets move it." She impatiently taps her foot against the hardwood floors.

"I'm not going."

"Look, Nathan told me what you said to him,"

"And what? You think we can bond now? I still don't like you." I bite out harshly. "I'm here to cheer in your stupid competition, not pretend to be friends with you and party."

"You're coming and that's final." She grits out stomping over to me and jerking my hand, dragging me down the hallway.

X-x-X

"Haley! Be still damn it. You're going to ruin…see! Now I have to start all over again!"

I roll my eyes swatting Brooke's hand away from my face as she attempts for the sixth time to put mascara on my face. I don't want to go. Does no one understand that? I don't want to wear the short dress Brooke forced on me, I don't want to wear my hair in curls, and I don't want to walk in the four inch heels Peyton shoved on my feet.

"Perfect!" Brooke squeals capping the lid to the mascara and smiling in approval. "Felix is absolutely going to drool."

"So will Nathan." I retort getting up from the chair, nearly stumbling.

"Can't we just put that all behind us?" she asks, slipping on her own high heels.

"Yes, we can. As soon as this stupid cheer competition is over I can go back to my life and he's all yours…forever."

"Don't I know it." She says solemnly taking a seat at the vanity and fixing her own makeup. "Our parents have already set the date."

"The dinner and movie kind of date right?"

"The wedding date." Rachel informs me coming in and taking a seat beside Brooke. "Oh don't look too shocked. We all knew it was coming."

"Rachel!" Brooke seethes throwing her makeup on the counter and getting up. "Be ready in ten minutes."

"You know," Rachel starts looking at her reflection first and then turning her eyes up to meet mine. "she only wants you to come so she can flaunt herself all over Nathan in front of you."

I don't respond to that, there's really no need to. I just calmly and not so quietly storm my way out of the bathroom and down the hall to my room. I walk in on Jake neatly buttoning up his shirt, his hair drenched from his recent shower. He quirks up an eyebrow in surprise or approval, I'm not sure, and I don't care as I walk into the bathroom and slam the door.

I'd like to see them make me go now.

X-x-X

A short time later after practically everyone banged and practically beat the door down; I remain at my camp, perched on the bathroom toilet. I'm assuming, and praying, that they've left by now and I can slip into my comfy sleeping shorts and top and hit the sack, popping in a couple of chick flicks for good measure. Yes, tonight it going to relaxing and peaceful.

I hop in the shower to rinse off all the gook Brooke meticulously but on my face and rinse out all the curls she so lovingly made. As I wipe off the steam on the mirror I can't help but notice how much I've changed. Not physically, but deep down I think I'm stronger, like I can take on anything, like nothing can harm me. I step into my darkened bedroom and I'm startled by a deep voice behind me.

"You finally decided to come out?"

"Nathan!" I screech placing my hand over my rapidly beating heart. "Dude, what the hell?"

"We left things unfinished today, I think." He's sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and I just kind of stare at him as I finish drying off my hair.

"Nathan, things were finished years ago. This is getting a bit redundant."

"I just wanted you to know that I didn't say those things to hurt you. I mean them, every word. I didn't think it would happen and I didn't plan on it, but it did. These last few months have been crazy and looking back, I wish I would've convinced Brooke to not let you cheer to avoid all this. But I was selfish and I missed seeing you and I guess a part of me was still hung up on you."

"And now you're not. It's no big deal." I chock out turning away from him for a moment.

"Hales." I close my eyes at the sound of my nickname on his lips. "What we had was kind of a big deal."

"Go be with Brooke." I tell him softly turning around. "Go back to your girlfriend Nathan. You've moved on and so I have I. We're almost adults now, it's time to move on."

"Are you happy? With Felix I mean."

"Yes." I lie, hating myself even more for continuing this charade with him. It's Nathan, he wouldn't be mad if I told him it was all a big lie. Okay, so maybe it would. But mostly it would make him rethink everything and I don't want him to do that.

"Good. If anything, I really just want you to be happy. For both of us to be happy." He says getting up and coming up to me.

"We are. I am." I confirm nodding my head. He gently kisses the top of my head and walks out without another word.

Like I said before: closure.

X-x-X

Emotionally, I'm wiped. Physically, I'm beat. Mentally, I'm worn out. Today has been exhausting to say the least. And with five minutes till midnight, this hellish day is almost over. I pick up the dress Brooke shoved on me earlier and decide I'll do the most un-Haley act ever and return it without anything missing or any dirty words written across it.

"Creepy." I shudder to myself upon stepping out into the darkened hallway. Now, I kind of wish I would've gone. At least it wouldn't be me, by myself, in a big dark cabin in the middle of the woods.

Horror movie much?

I safely place Brooke's dress on her bed and step back admiring all the pictures she's placed out on the dresser. She's obviously a nester, needing to have as many things from home as possible to get through a measly three day weekend. I may not like her, but I am a bit envious. She's got quite the life and now, quite the guy.

"Boo."

"Oh my God." I pant catching my breath and turning around to face the person who just whispered in my ear. I rub the back of my neck in a futile attempt to get the hairs on it sit and calm down. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Party just wasn't the same without you Hales." He slurs, stumbling a bit and slamming up against the door and shutting it with his back. "Whoops."

"I was just going to sleep." I bite my lower lip, and literally fight the urge to break down as I am trapped in a room with him. Just the use of my nickname on his lips scares the shit out of me.

"Really?" he says suggestively making a move towards me as I step back. "Can I join you?"

"Hell no."

"You're such a tease." He taunts slipping off his jacket and letting it fall to the floor. He takes another step towards me and I take two steps back to compensate but hit the foot of the bed in the process. I have no where to go.

"You're drunk Felix and we need all the sleep we can get so I'm just going to go…" I make a move to walk past him but he stops me and shoves me back onto the bed.

"You're not going anywhere." He takes a step back, leering at me in the process and begins to unbutton his shirt. "You know, as much as I've loved this little cat and mouse game with you, it gets rather tiring. This whole 'I'm your boyfriend' charade as grown a little old as well seeing as how I get none of the perks."

"You don't have to do this." I try and reason with him but it only seems to enrage him more.

"I can do whatever the hell I want." He booms coming up and grabbing my hair. "You think you can just play with a guy like that and not have anything come of it? It doesn't work that way Hales and I'm tired of waiting for you. I told you one day I was going to have you."

He punches me before I can even scream or cry or anything and I fall back on the bed, nearly unconscious. I feel him jerk my shorts down and pull my shirt over my head. He clamps his hand down over my mouth and as I look at the door, praying someone, anyone will come, I get hopeful when I see it crack open. I plead with my eyes to save me but all it entices is a grin and a wink.

* * *

**A/N2: I hope this turn in the story doesnt turn anyone away. You'll just have to trust me on this, and know that I know what I'm doing and how everything's going to play out. As far as who was at the door, if you think hard enough you'll know but it will be revealed in the next chapter or two. So tell me what you think. **


	22. She Fought Alone

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews last chapter. I also wanted to thank all those who are still sticking with the story even though it's not going the way you want it to. That says a lot. I'm not sure when the next update will be; I actually had this chapter written when I posted the previous one but I got busy and yeah, I'm sorry. But as of the end of this chapter I'm somewhat stuck so we'll see. Enjoy and leave some love.**

She Fought Alone

I was never much a believer God. My parents dragged me to church when I was younger but a God who let bad things happen to good people never enticed me much. And when my sister died? A girl so full of promise and future, God died that day in my heart too.

Now though, I wish I hadn't killed him off so soon in my story. I'm by no means perfect or saintly or hardly good in any way, but I didn't deserve this. No one, ever, deserves this. I can't stop crying. From the moment he entered me, I couldn't stop crying. It's weak, it's pathetic, and I have every right to do so.

I can't get him off of me. Physically, he's been gone for hours. He collapsed on top of me and rolled off, got dressed and went on his way. I don't know how long I lay there, praying and hoping for him to disappear. Mostly though, I wished I would. I found a robe in the closet and wrapped it tightly around myself as I picked up my favorite sleeping shorts and top and threw them in the trashcan. They were tainted now; everything's tainted now.

I practically ran to room, locking myself in the bathroom as I had done earlier. This time, I wasn't pissed because Brooke made me into her Barbie doll; this time, I'm a shell of the human being I was hours before. What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to run to? Would they even believe me?

I know one person will. He has to. I make the call and shakily tell him that I need him; that he has to come right away. Now, I just have to figure out what to do next as I wait. I settle on a shower. I feel so raw, so dirty, so absolutely tarnished that after a scrub in scolding hot water and still feel no change; I sink into the floor of the shower. I sob. I cry. I hit the wall in anger. And long after the hot water turns cold, I'm still with my knees clutched at my chest.

That's where he finds me. I hear him yelling my name from downstairs and for a few minutes I panic. What if it's Felix? What if he isn't done? I shove myself into the farthest corner of the shower and wait in baited breath as I hear him in my room. He says my name a few more times before knocking on the door, startling me in the process.

"Haley? It's me. I'm here." He says through the door but I make no move to get up. He carefully opens the door and waits a few moments before slowly pulling back the shower curtain. "Oh my God."

I briefly look up to lock eyes with him before they settle down to the swirling waters at my feet. He reaches out and touches the water, instantly retracting it as the coldness practically reaches his bones. I know because I'm practically numb from the coldness; among other things. Hastily, her reaches over to turn off the knobs but I stop him.

"Don't."

"Haley, it's freezing. You're turning blue." He says sighing and looking around. He grabs the robe off the counter and gets in the shower with me, throwing the robe over my shoulders. I let him, he's probably the only guy right now I would even consider letting touch me. "God, what happened to you?"

I don't answer; I can't even form a complete sentence in my mind right now. I just let him lean my body into his, basking in the warmth it temporary provides. He rubs my arms and hair, letting me sob into his chest. I don't know how long we stay like that before he too starts to shiver and I realize that no matter how long I stay underneath the water, I'll never fully be clean.

"Chris?" I whimper so softly he almost doesn't hear me. "Get me out of here."

He's my best friend. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered that this weekend was our big gig that I couldn't go to. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew he was the only one I could count on. He turns off the shower knobs and scoops me up, carrying me out of the shower and into the bedroom. He's smart, he knows something way off so he quickly locks the door.

He doesn't say anything to me, and for that I'm grateful. Before he even thinks of himself he's grabbing towels, drying me off, and wrapping me up in three blankets. He searches through my bag, grabbing a pair of sweat pants and sweat shirt and placing them beside me. He rubs the top of my head down to cup my cheek, going into the bathroom to change himself.

"I know you." He says coming out of the bathroom and going to the corner of the room and picking up his guitar. "I'm not about to ask a bunch of questions I know you're not ready to answer. So I'm just going to sit here and strum my guitar and maybe sing to you a little bit. Is that okay?"

I nod as I wrap myself further into the blankets around me, finally letting my tears subside as I listen to his soothing voice. I have to tell him, give him some explanation as to why I dragged him from the most important gig of his life to come to my rescue. I can't just yet though. Saying it out loud is saying it's real and right now, I don't want anything to be real right now.

Except maybe for how safe he's making me feel right at this moment.

_I'm always here _

_I've walked you home _

_Then headed for my own _

_Until again I'm needed _

_I am what you see _

_I am not what they say _

_But if I turned out to be _

_Could you love me anyway? _

"That's really good." I finally say after what seems like an eternity of silence. I've never been so quiet in my life.

"That was post-Chris and Haley falling out." He smirks slightly placing the instrument down. "Something you need to say?"

"I need you take me home."

"Okay." He says simply getting up and putting my things in my bag. He goes to walk past me and I grab his arm and he looks at me thoughtfully before he sits down beside me.

"I'm so stupid Chris. I had to bring this on myself. It's like karma's playing some joke on me. First with what happened with you and then with Nathan and Brooke, and Peyton. Felix…"

"What about Felix?" Chris interrupts, instantly tensing up. "What did he do to you?" he asks rubbing the back of my head. Unintentionally I freak out having a flashback when Felix grabbed my hair and I quickly move away from Chris. "Oh my God. Oh my God."

He keeps muttering that stupid phrase over and over as realization finally dawns on him and he connects the dots. I say it's stupid because I, myself, was saying the same phrase over and over earlier. God didn't answer. He shakes his head looking at the floor before he finally looks up at me for confirmation.

"We have to get you to the hospital." He jumps up and I jump up as well, stopping him.

"I can't. No, no. I just can't"

"Hales, you've gotta tell someone. The police, you need to go to the hospital to get checked out. He could've gave you something, you could end up pregnant." He puts his hand on my arm and I forcefully jerk away.

No one's going to be able to touch like that for a long while.

"Shit!" he yells punching the wall next to him. "God damn it!"

"Chris." I command his attention, swallowing the sob coming up my throat. "I did tell someone. I told you. And you're the only one that's going to know. Do you understand that?"

"You're just going to let him get away with it?"

"I didn't even fight him!" I scream, knocking over everything on the dresser beside me. "I didn't even try. I just let him take that from me! I let him take away my dignity and my body and my security! I didn't even fight him. I didn't even scream!"

"That doesn't mean that bastard doesn't need to pay for what he's done to you! What if he does it to someone else? What if he comes after you again?"

"I don't know." I whisper looking at the floor.

"What?"

"I don't know!" I shout looking up him. Why I feel fiercer now and more powerful now, I have no clue. I wish I had that a few hours earlier. "I don't know. I just need to get the fuck out of here before he comes back. Before they all come back. Chris, please just take me home."

He rubs his hand over his tired face before looking at me intently. After a few moments he grabs my bag and my hand and leads me out the door and down the stairs. I stop, frozen in my tracks as I hear laughter and giggling approach the front door just as we step into the foyer.

"Dude, I can't believe you got up on stage and danced." Nathan laughs as Lucas hangs his head in shame.

"Babe, you were horrible!" Peyton giggles, throwing her arm around his shoulder and walking in. She stops abruptly seeing Chris clutching my hand and bag. "Chris? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I came to get Haley." He simply answers and goes to leave but is stopped by Peyton's hand on his chest.

"Oh, so you bitch and whine and complain and Chris comes and saves you huh?" she states looking directly at me. "Because God forbid you do anything for anyone else. You can't even manage a simple cheer competition?"

"Peyton you don't know what the fuck you're talking about." Chris warns slapping her hand away and pulling me closer to him.

"Where are you going?" Brooke asks coming in the door followed by Rachel.

"I'm going home." I choke out, my voice feeling very small at the moment.

"Aww, Brooke, she's upset. Let her go home and lick her wounds." Rachel sneers from beside her.

"What happened?" Lucas and Nathan ask at the same time, having not taken their eyes off of me since they walked in the door.

"Nothing. I just want to go home." I answer as Chris grasps my hand even more. "I'm not doing this. You can't make me and I'll take whatever consequences that comes with it once I get home. Right now, I just have to get home."

"Leaving so soon baby?"

My breath catches in my throat at the sound of his voice. He sounds much more sober now, a lot more confident, and a lot less belligerent. I gulp and get as close to Chris as possible, looking down at the floor as he comes in behind everyone else. My hearts pounding, almost out of my chest and the only thing I can do is stand there. I'm completely surrounded.

"You can't go." Brooke and Peyton inform me at the same time. "We can't do the cheer routine with only nine girls. It's perfect for ten."

"I don't give a shit about your stupid cheer competition." I grit out regaining some of my bearing.

"We're leaving." Chris says pulling me towards the door.

"What the hell happened?" Nathan commands stepping in front of Chris, blocking the exit in front of us.

"I suggest you move buddy." Chris warns and I will myself to look at Nathan. He keeps staring at me, unnerving me, studying me, knowing that the state I'm in right now, he'll be able to tell I'm lying. I just can't lie to him anymore.

"Felix raped me." I tell Nathan looking directly in his eyes. It won't do me any good to keep it in.

"Bullshit." Felix interjects coming up to the three of us. Nathan finally tears his gaze off of me and focuses on Felix.

"Then explained what the fuck she's talking about." He orders placing his arms over his chest.

"She's just pissed because I broke up with her after we slept together. She's just a terrible lay, that's all." Felix shrugs in indifference and Nathan grabs him by his shirt collar and pushes him up against the wall.

"He's lying!" I cry, clutching Chris tighter.

"The hell he's not." Rachel says coming through Brooke and Peyton who remain oddly quiet. "I accidentally walked in on them earlier. Haley seemed to be enjoying herself. Felix, hmm, not so much."

"See!" Felix points to Rachel and Nathan looks between the two before finally setting Felix down.

"What are you doing? They're both lying."

"Haley stop. You're being pathetic." Nathan clenches his jaw shut and looks away.

"This is low even for you." Brooke finally speaks.

"You all our psychotic." Chris mutters looking at the group in disgust.

"I can't believe you believe this crappy sob story." Peyton throws her hands up in defeat.

"Crappy sob story Peyton?" Chris lets go of my hand and stomps towards Peyton getting in her face and pointing in my direction. "That's supposed to be your best friend. I don't give a shit if she pissed you off by making out with your boyfriend before the two of you dated, that's nothing. You think she's lying? Look at her Peyton." Peyton adverts her eyes down to the floor but Chris quickly tilts her chin up. "Look at her. Does she look like she lying? Screw it; she doesn't deserve a friend like you anyway."

He walks away from Peyton and takes my hand once more giving me a reassuring smile. We step quietly to the door but I stop in front of Nathan, letting go of Chris's hand and walking up to his six foot three stature, slapping him squarely across his cheek.

"He just took away the thing I only ever gave you." I bite my lip and look in Felix's direction shuttering in the process. Everyone thinks I'm a whore and it's my fault I let them. It only ever mattered to me that I knew the only person I gave myself to was Nathan. "Chris, take me home."

"Bastard." Chris mutters clocking Felix in the jaw as he walks by. "You ever even look at her again and I will fucking kill you. I promise."

"Thank you." I tell Chris once we're outside and settled into the car.

"I'd do anything for you Hales."


	23. I'm Not Okay I Promise

**A/N:Thanks for all the reviews last chapter and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this up. I hope you enjoy it. This is going to be a long and bumpy process for Haley, so bear with me.**

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Mornings have never been my thing. The entire five hour drive back from Charlotte to Tree Hill was a silent one. I was tired, of course worn out, but I couldn't shut my eyes. Solace was not going to be my companion anytime soon I realized almost immediately. Chris spent the majority of the drive humming, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, yawning, and mostly splitting his time between looking at the long stretch of road in front of him and the broken girl beside him.

The sun's beginning to rise over the water as we cross the bridge into Tree Hill. I slip my sunglasses over my eyes and rest my head against the seat. I'm not sure where to go from here exactly; natural Haley defense mechanism is to throw up those impenetrable walls and let it go. I can't do that anymore. Felix took that away from me.  
I feel completely exposed. Like if you just look at me for more than two seconds you'll be able to see every emotional scar lacerated on my heart. Except they didn't believe me. They looked dead into my eyes, my tears, my fear and didn't believe me. They didn't trust the fact that I wouldn't lie about something as heinous as that.

Chris pulls into the parking lot of his apartment building, killing the engine. Neither of us make a move to get out, instead just remain seated in the silence. I know he's worried about me and hell, I am too. I have to go back to school Monday. I have to face Felix and Nathan and Peyton and Brooke and every other person who choose to ignore my pleas.

But it's a lot more than that. It's the way I'll probably never truly feel comfortable with another's touch. It's the way that it haunts my every waking moment and no doubt terror my nightmares. It's the way I'm tough, yet crumpled when I needed my strength the most. It's the way he has power over me now. It's the way he took the one thing I only gave Nathan and shattered it to pieces.

I was a virgin when I met Nathan Scott. Yes, I made out with a lot of guys. Yes, I made out with a lot of guys since then. But no, it never went further than that except with Nathan. It only happened once, shortly before we broke up but I never really wanted anyone else to tarnish that until it was with someone that I was in love with.

It's ironic really. Everything I have ever done in my life as set me up for this exact moment. I let people believe lies about me; I lied to people who I loved; I wrecked people's lives.

"I really wish you'd reconsider going to the hospital." Chris says without looking at me.

"Chris."

"I mean, you wouldn't even have to say anything about, well, you know."

"The rape?" I whisper looking up from my hands to lock eyes with him.

"You wouldn't have to say anything." He repeats nodding slightly. He loosens his tight grip from the steering wheel and rubs his hand through his hair. "What if you end up pregnant? I don't think you'd be able to go through with an abortion. And I really don't think that you would want to carry the kid to term."

"This is really hard for me."

"Of course it is. It has to be. This is never really going to be over for you. But some things can be over and they can be over now. It'll give you some peace of mind."

"When did you become so insightful?" I ask giving him a tight smile.

"I had to grow up sometime Hales."

Somehow I can sense that he's talking about my blatant rejection to his feelings of love for me. I guess that was his awakening and now, this is mine. But I can't; not right yet at least. I need sleep, and rest, and I need to try and regain some of my bearing.

"Maybe later okay? That's all I can promise you right now."

He nods and opens the door to the car, getting out. I don't make a move to get out just yet, as he opens the trunk and gets our things and comes to my door, opening it for me. I follow him up the three flights of stairs and into his apartment, noting the messing interior. Chris was never much for cleaning; I'm assuming since I got voted out of his life and Peyton abandoned him for her boyfriend that cleaning was not his top priority.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asks setting down the bags in the middle of the floor. "I need a shower.

"Of course." I nod my head, taking a seat in the chair closet to me. Going into the kitchen, I scour the cabinets looking for the little bottle of pills that will help me sleep. The directions only say take one but I pop three to make sure nothing wakes me up. Once I hear the shower running, I walk into the bedroom and slip underneath is covers, savoring the warmth and security it brings me.

X-x-X

"Here."

I open up one eye to examine what has been placed on the bed side table in front of me. It's a brush, some shampoo, a towel, and a fresh set of clean clothes. I groan as I sit up, running my hands through my tangled hair and focus in on Chris who is standing over the bed with his arms crossed.

"What?"

"You're going to the hospital Hales." He tells me firmly. "I don't care if I have to carry you over my shoulder. You'll thank me later."

"Chris, I'm so ashamed." I whisper in almost a childlike voice. He takes a seat beside me on the bed and I allow him to hold my hand in his.

"You didn't do anything wrong. He's the asshole who did this terrible thing."

"It's never going to go away. They didn't believe me. How could they look at me and not believe me?" I ask forcing myself to look at him but managing to hold the tears at bay.

"It's easier for them to believe that you're lying than to believe that their friend could do such a thing."

"But Peyton?"

"I dunno kid." He says squeezing my hand and helping me get up. "I'll be waiting when you get out."

Stepping into the shower, it feels like I'm stepping back into time. I can almost see my tear streaked face, my legs trembling, collapsing into the ceramic beneath me. Amazingly, I don't cry. I've kind of forced myself not to. I've already had my moment of weakness; I won't allow it to continue in my life by crying about it.

X-x-X

"Haley James?"

I look up from my feet to stare at the smiling nurse in front of me. Why is she smiling? This is not a smiling matter. I stand up from my seat, along with Chris but I don't guess he understands that this is something I need to do by myself. I give him a small smile and hug him fiercely.

"Just wait for me okay?" he nods his head and reluctantly lets go of my hand until we're grazing fingertips. "I'll be right back."

I was instructed to take off my clothes. I've been to the doctor before. I know the routine. Take off your clothes and put on a barely there gown that completely exposes you. Do you know how completely traumatizing that is for someone who was just raped? Stripped of any innocence they had? Any dignity?

So I stand frozen, trying desperately to breathe, struggling to calm myself. Everything now reminds me of that night. Now it feels as if I'm waiting on that bed, broken, praying he won't return demanding more. Taking it. I try not to panic when the knob to the door turns. Thankfully, a younger looking lady comes in studying the chart in front of her.

Breath.

"Miss James? I'm Dr. Turner." she asks looking up from her chart. I numbly nod as she sets the chart down on the counter. She now studies me for a moments and I can tell when realization suddenly dawns on her. "You want to tell me about what happened with you?"

"I um,"

"You can take that seat over there if you like." She suggests pointing to the chair behind me as she takes a seat across the room. "And you can take as much time as you need."  
S

ilence is completely smothering.

"I was raped." I whisper after a small eternity of silence. She doesn't say anything, just waits for me to continue. "Last night. I just, I want to makes sure everything's okay with me."

"Did you shower?"

"Twice now." I confirm.

"Do you want to report it?" she questions and I vigorously shake my head no. She gets up, opening a cabinet, and grabbing two gowns out of it. "Do you think it would be okay for me to examine you? Then we can run some tests and makes sure everything's okay. Is that alright with you?"

"Do I need to take all of my clothes off?"

"If your not comfortable, then no. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You can say no and I'll completely respect that." She explains cautiously. "This is up to you Haley."

I nod my head and take the gowns out of her hand. She quietly slips out of the room and I sigh before starting to disrobe myself from the confines of my clothes. Its feels as horrible as I suspected it would be but at the same time, the doctor is making this a fairly easy transition. I neatly fold my clothes setting them on the chair and gingerly get up on the bed.

"Haley?" Dr. Turner knocks on the door, poking her head in to confirm that I'm ready. Following behind her is a nurse that can't be but a few years older than I am. "This is Jules. She's going to help me today. Is that okay?"

"Can we please just get this over with?"

To say the experience is quick and painless is a lie. It's like you know you have to do it, you force yourself to, but the humility and awkwardness is still there. The whole thing was over in less than an hour. Thankfully, he didn't damage anything, didn't give me anything, and didn't get me pregnant. He just managed to break my soul.

"I want you to take this." Dr. Turner instructs handing over a small business card. "If you think you can deal with this all by yourself, you're wrong. Trust me on that. The group meets three times a week. Please consider it."

I take the card out of her hand, giving her my thanks and exiting the room. I take my time walking back to the waiting room, savoring the solitude that surrounds me. I love Chris, and I love that he's taking such good care of me, but this is not how I deal with things. I have to be alone, I have to process, I have to think of a solution and then I, me Haley, have to execute. Because I take care of myself, that's just the way it is.

Always.

"Well?" Chris rushes up to me eagerly once he spots me walking down the hall towards him.

"I'm okay." I ease is fears as he pulls me into a hug. I cling to him because he's the only one I can rely on right now. "Everything's okay."

I'm not okay.

I'm so far from okay.

Nothing's okay.


	24. RUN

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews! Enjoy and keep them coming :)**

RUN

Sleep was not granted to me last night. Or the night before. Its 5:54 on a Monday morning and I'm wide awake. It's like I'm almost afraid to go to sleep. Okay, let's face it; I'm absolutely terrified to shut my eyes. Blinking is a big enough struggle. And now, in just a few short hours I'll be will walking to the halls of Tree Hill High to face him.

I'm sure he'll be smug as hell. Not only did he snatch what he's been itching to take for years, but he help lead the Ravens to their first state championship. I've had a lot of time to think about it though. While I was defenseless and wrecked that night, I'm not anymore. Just a little bit broken maybe, but mostly, I'm just mad as hell.

I turn on my side and have to smile slightly at the sight of Chris drooling in the chair adjacent to his bed. I feel horrible; he refused to make me sleep on the couch and adamantly protested sleeping with me and insisted sleeping in the chair. Me? Well, like I said, sleep, perchance to dream. And I don't want to dream about anything.

"Haley shut up. You're thinking too loud." Chris mumbles rubbing his face and letting the small blanket fall off of his torso.

I sigh, getting up and helping the sleepy head move to the more comfortable bed. I push his hair out of his face and kiss his forehead in appreciation before padding off to the bathroom. It's not like he doesn't know I don't sleep so for now, he's just going to have to accept that fact. He's worried though; I can tell by all the lines on his forehead and the way he looks at me like I'm a wounded animal.

I guess in that aspect, I am a wounded animal. Why didn't I fight? It's the one question that plagues my every waking moment. All the other questions, I have decent answers for. It's just something about the way he had his grip on my still bruised wrists, or the glare he gave me that chilled me to my spine that completely immobilized me.

I let my hair out of my ponytail and frown at my reflection. My hair has been the longest its ever been and before, it made me feel really good. Now, it completely disgusts me. My long locks are something he used against me, something he used to his advantage to take something away from me. I want nothing to do with it anymore.

Searching though the numerous drawers in Chris's bathroom I finally find a pair of scissors in the last one. Picking up a big clump of my tendrils, I put the shears up to my hair and before I can even second guess myself I make the snip just below my ear. I nearly cry at the sight of half of my hair simply gone, but I don't and I more forward, doing the same to the other side.

A few more snips and a shower later, I'm almost satisfied with my new, shorter, and ungrabable hair. I wipe the steam off the mirror and put some of Chris's mousse through my hair. It's different, that's for sure but at the same time, I kind of like it. Right now, I feel as if I have no control in what's going on my life; this, well this just gives me a little bit of that back.

"Wow."

I look up to see Chris's reflection in the mirror, his lanky figure leaning up against the doorway. He yawns and stretches, walking up to me smirking as I continue to stare at him, my teeth gnawing at my lower lip. He steps up behind me, roughing up my hair a bit and smiles in approval.

"I like it. It suits you."

I smile. "I like it too."

"You're scared right?" he asks hoping up on the counter beside me.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Well…" he shrugs running his finger from my forehead down my nose. "You haven't slept in two nights and you just cut off all your hair. I think scared is quite the understatement."

"He's in my first two classes." I inform Chris much to his dismay.

"Maybe you should tell…"

"Tell who?" I interrupt, fury suddenly overcoming me. "Because I didn't see that working out so great last time."

"Hales…"

"No, I don't think so. Besides the fact that oh, I dunno, I'm like the biggest trouble maker to grace the halls of Tree Hill, I somehow doubt they would believe anything I say." I say, almost sadly.

"I'm surprised you're even going."

"Chris."

"I mean it. No one would blame you if you didn't go. Hell, we could run away to the beach for the week and relax…"

"Chris."

"…soak up some sun. Maybe collect some gas money…"

"Christopher."

"…singing on a street corner somewhere." He continues ranting and really, it's pretty annoying. But it's endearing too. He's trying to keep my mind off the matter at hand. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know." I nod taking my turn to run my finger down his nose. "But some things I have to do on my own. It's only two months till graduation. I think I can make it."

"Speaking of graduation…" he starts, looking up at the ceiling. "The night, well you know _the_ night, my manager gave me some good news."

"What good news?" I ask, shoving my toothbrush in my mouth.

"He wants me to go on tour." He drops excitedly. I can't help but feel disappointed. Who will I go to now? "I mean it's really great news Hales. It's like everything I've ever worked for is falling right into place and it's completely amazing."

"Congratulations." I manage to muster out pulling him into a hug and trying to contain my tears. We pull apart and he stares at me for a moment before speaking.

"Hales, I want you to come with me." He finishes earnestly, rubbing the pad of his thumb across my cheek.

"What? Why?"

I already know the answer. I know more than one answer/reason to go with him. He really doesn't have to spell it out for me. He's in love with me. I'm his best friend. I have talent. We work well together. And most importantly I'm completely broken inside.

"I mean, I don't know what I'm doing if and once I get my diploma." I quickly amend, not quite ready to divulge into that abandoned territory.

"You'll think about it though right?" he queries, quirking up one eyebrow and looking at me curiously.

"Of course." I assure him honestly. He nods and gives me a lopsided grin before hopping off the counter and turning on the shower. "It's about time you took a shower; you stink."

X-x-X

It's just a school. It's not supposed to be scary. Okay, well it is, in fact supposed to be scary to some people but not for me. And now I'm absolutely scared shitless; my knees pretty close to knocking together. I thought today would be the day I reclaimed my life back. Today was supposed to be the day I give myself a welcome home bash.

This…doesn't feel welcome at all.

"Last chance to ditch." Chris notifies me slinging his arm over my shoulders. We look up at the bell rings, signaling home room. "Whoops, too late. Let's go."

"I uh, " I struggle, letting his arm fall off of me and stepping back. "I don't, well this doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore."

"Haley,"

"No, no, I mean I know. It's just; I don't think I can do it." I admit, further stepping away from him. "And that's really cowardice of me…"

"No it's not." He sighs dropping his bag on the ground and closing the distance between us. He grips the side of my arms and looks me directly in the eye before continuing. "There is absolutely nothing cowardly about stepping in that school and facing the monster who took something amazing away from you."

"You think?"

"I know." He nods, quickly pulling me into his embrace. "Do you want to go?"

"Away? Yes." I answer instantly, backing up from him. "With every fiber in my being. In there? Hell no. Now ask me what I'm going to do."

"I already know what you're going to do." He responds pulling his bag on his shoulder and taking my hand. "You tutorgirl, are going to go to school."

Just as we're entering the school, the second and late bell for homeroom rings and we just shrug in indifference. We take our time getting to my classroom; he cautiously holding my hand, leading the way. I keep telling myself that I can do this; I have the faith in myself. Chris has the faith in me. But I think, honestly I'm going to have a panic attack once I walk into that room.

"You're going to be okay." Chris assures me once we stop at the door. "And if you're not, well just walk out and come get me. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened."

"I'll see you at lunch."

I hug and kiss his cheek, gently pushing him away to his own class. I wait a moment before sucking in my breath and doing my best to quietly open the door. Any other time, the door opens without a peep. Not today though and the whole classroom looks up in my direction as the teacher stares at me with contempt.

"Ah, Miss James. I would expect no less." She announces, marking me tardy in her book before going back to the board to write the useless Calculus jargon she's teaching. I, stupidly, awkwardly stand in the back of the room like an idiot. "Sometime today Miss James." She says without ever turning around.

"Did you figure out that a college education would pay more than a job at the Player's Club?" Brooke whispers harshly from her seat next to me.

"Did K-Mart pick up your clothing line? Or did you just get really lucky and Wal-Mart got the winning bid?" I bit out almost instantly.

Now _that_ felt kinda good.

She shuts up, folding her arms across her chest and huffing rather loudly. I try to suppress the smirk playing on lips but I fail at that particular task. The gnawing, gut wrenching feeling is nearly gone as I settle into the lesson. I can't help but instantly freeze when the teacher asks a question and calls on none other than Felix to answer.

He's in the front row, surprisingly, more than ready to answer. Of course, I'll never fully forget what his voice sounds like but just hearing it nearly sends me over the edge. Disregard all that bullshit about being okay and having faith in myself and believing I could do this.

I keep telling myself to inhale, breathe, do something. My lungs are not listening to my brain and for that matter, neither is my heart. I feel like someone could literally hear it pounding beat for beat against my chest cavity. When he's done giving the correct answer, he grins and turns in my direction, winking at me.

That's just about all I can take. Give it to me, Haley James, to crack in just three minutes and 38 seconds. I slam out of my desk, nearly falling in the process and quickly make my way to the door. I hear the teacher yelling in protest but I don't listen. If no one can listen to me, well then to hell with them. I don't have to listen to them either.

I run.


	25. Duck, Duck, Goose

**A/N: I was kinda disappointed by the lack of reviews, but I'm guessing I really did lose a lot of readers with the whole anti-naley thing. Sorry. But for those of you did review, thank you. It really means a lot to me. I will give you a bit of a spoiler though, I think by the end of the story, almost everyone will have redeemed themselves. Just give it some time. I already have the ending formulated. So...enjoy and take the time to review guys. Much love :)**

Duck, Duck, Goose

Do you remember how in first grade, the hardest game you played was 'Duck, Duck, Goose'? And it was hard because you were small and your legs were short and no matter how fast you ran, that elusive spot seemed miles and miles away. Once you were in that spot, you were safe. You could relax. You could breathe. Until the next kid tapped your head and you were off again for the race of your first grade life.

Life, was so much more simpler back then.

Now you're an adult. Well, practically. Big, bad, real world issues arise. They're the ones chasing you. You're legs are a little bit longer. You're a bigger person now. Except the circles a lot bigger. That spot? Seems light years away. But even if you do reach the comfort zone of that spot, you can't relax. You can't breathe. Because those big, bad, real world issues?

They never go away.

I'm really good a running. I'm even better at denial. I'm best at pretending. Forced smiles and fake laughs are my specialty. And yes, I'm more than well aware of the fact that pushing things to places you didn't know existed are not good. It's a rather explosive situation. It's worked for me though, really it has. Scary isn't it? That at any given second, you're liable to have a complete breakdown.

I am well overdue for one.

You know what I like about running? Besides the fact that it releases mood lifting endorphins? It's painful. I mean, it can be really painful. You get into the sixth, seventh, tenth mile you have to push past the fact that you're in immense pain. That gut wrenching ache in your side is nothing compare to the breaking of your heart.

I got up around five this morning. Well, I got up out of bed. No, I still haven't slept. Just when I felt the need to completely break down, I threw on some sweatpants, a t shirt and I stared running. I didn't stop until just now when I felt my lungs were going to, at any second, burst through my chest cavity. As luck would have it, I end up at the river court.

Kismet hates me.

"Are you okay?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" I pant with my hands on my knees, struggling to catch my breath. He throws his water bottle at me, and I greedily suck down the majority of it within seconds. "So?"

"I'm playing basketball." He answers sarcastically like I'm the stupid one. And then he shoots the stupid orange ball into the stupid round basket to further drive his point home. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Fine is a word people use when they're anything but fine." He says walking over to me, setting the ball down on the ground, and sitting on top of it. I grunt and let myself fall back on my butt. "Haven't seen you around much."

"Avoidance is kinda one of my things." I explain, resting my the palms of my hands behind me on the blacktop.

"You know, I'm not the greatest basketball player. Mostly, I just do it for fun. So it's kinda nice to come out here and just play. I'm not living up to anyone's expectations, but my own. It's just peaceful you know?"

I look around, taking in the quiet lapping of the river against the rocks and the dense morning fog. "Yeah, I know."

"I wasn't there when you left…so I mean, I don't really know the whole story."

"Jake."

"Look, all I know is that Nathan punched a wall and Peyton holed herself in her room with Lucas, and Brooke refused to talk to anyone. You were gone. Nobody wanted to tell me what the fuck happened." Jake tells me and I look away.

How am I supposed to spill those beans again? It's not like they'll magically grow into a massive beanstalk to which I can climb up and run away. As much attention I caused myself before, there is nothing I would rather do right now than just disappear.

"You wouldn't believe me." I sigh, looking at him directly.

I bite my lip. "I guess since I've been playing all these mind games with everyone, it was bound to catch up with me eventually. I didn't go with you. I was completely alone and he had me exactly where he wanted me. I mean, not just physically but mentally, in everyone's mind."

"What are you saying Haley?" he asks, confusion written across his face.

"Remember when I told you that I just let everyone assume Felix was my boyfriend?" Jake nods. "That was including Felix. I guess that meant he thought he deserved the perks of being a boyfriend too."

"Wait-what?" I can tell he's struggling to figure out exactly what I'm saying. "Oh shit."

Bingo.

"He didn't?" Once again I look away. "He did."

"Nobody believed me Jake." I inform him and his head jerks up. "Yeah…"

"No wonder Felix looked so damn smug." He mutters shaking his head. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Did you not just hear me? No one believes me." I yell, getting up on my feet.

"I believe you!" he screams chasing after me. I stop dead in my tracks and turn around to face him. He almost runs into me.

"Wow. Really, amazing. That brings the grand total up to two." I walk off a few feet before turning around once more, looking at him sadly. "Let it go. I have."

X-x-X

'_You have 18 unheard messages.'_

"_Tuesday. 5:47 PM. Haley? It's Karen. Lucas told me you had a rough time at the Classic. I'm worried about you kid. It's been a few days and I haven't heard from you. Please call me."_

A rough time? Seriously?

"_Wednesday. 6:33 AM. Hales? Where the hell are you? I woke up and you were gone. Call me when you get this."_

"_Wednesday. 7:58 AM. School Haley. Remember?"_

"_Wednesday. 12: 24 PM. Should I be worried? Pissed off? Being a good friend and letting you have your space? Please call me Haley."_

"_Wednesday. 3:19 PM. You weren't in school today. I was really kind of worried about you. I hope your okay. Nate! Okay, well I have to go. I'm being beckoned. I'll see you."_

I hope you're okay? Seriously?

Nathan. Leaving a voicemail on my phone. While Felix is in the background calling him. Where is my magic beanstalk now? Huh?

I turn my phone off and snap it shut once more letting it slide into my back pocket. Yes, I skipped school. And now I'm in a very dark, very dingy looking bar that's as close to perfect as it gets in my situation. Instead of avoiding my problems, or transferring them, I have every intention of drowning them. Very slowly, and very happily.

"What can I get you?"

"Tequila." I answer the bartender as he nods. "Lots and lots of tequila."

"H. James, where's your curly friend?"

"Hopefully some place where her fake curls are falling out from all the fake blonde she puts into her hair." I mutter, swallowing my shooter and slamming the glass down on the bar. I nod for another and look at the man next to me who's smirking. "How ya doin' Rick?"

"I'm doing great." He continues to smirk, clinking his glass along with mine as we both drown the harsh liquid. "You interested?"

I mull over his words for a few moments, taking the opportunity to take another shot before nodding my head. He mumbles something along the lines of 'that's my girl' and leads me to the back of the bar, into his private room. There's two girls there, along with three guys and more than enough cocaine to satisfy every one in the room.

"Come on," Rick coaxes, taking my hand and setting me down in the middle of the couch. He makes a line for me and hands me the rolled up dollar bill. "This is some really good stuff Hales. You won't be able to feel anything."

Those are the magic words really. I don't hesitate as he holds my hair back and I lean down. In literally seconds, I'm transported to a place that doesn't hurt. A place where I can't feel Felix's hands all over my exposed body. I can't see the look of disbelief in their eyes. I can't hear them say they don't believe me.

I'm just…numb.

X-x-X

"Haley?"

I wince as I hear fingers snapping very close to my face. My hand comes up to my forehead and I struggle to get up from the back of the couch. I blink a couple of times and I allow a hand to envelope mine, helping me to my feet. I don't remember for a few minutes where I'm at until I'm opening my eyes, adjusting to the dimly lit bathroom.

I look around the dirty bathroom, as of which I am sitting on the floor of as I rest my head against the cool tile. I run my hands through my hair, letting them rest on my neck and blow out my breath. How long have I been here? What the hell did I just do to myself?

I got out of this over a year ago. We both did. Me and Peyton. She got me into it and I got us out. The funny thing is, I got out of it because while I was on my high, I nearly got raped. Here I am, a year later and I'm doing it again to escape that fact that I was, indeed raped.

I force myself up and splash cold water on my face, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I'd like to think of myself as a strong person. A very strong person that can deal with almost any shit that life throws her way. Except this. I'm not stupid. I know that once my high fully bottoms out, the reality will still be there.

I was raped.

But I can't help but feel like, this way, I can forget it. At least for a little while. I can sleep without the fear of nightmares waking me up or him for that matter. It can help me get through this and maybe soon, I'll be able to put this all behind me. Be Haley again.

Myself.

Although, I really don't know who I am anymore."

X-x-X

I quietly make my way into Chris' apartment, careful not to cut on any lights. I feel like a teenager being caught sneaking out by her parents when Chris beats me to it and cuts on the table lamp beside the couch. He places his guitar down and stands up with his arms across his chest.

"Are you okay?" he studies me as I shut the door and lean against it.

"No, but at least now I feel safe."


	26. Final Straw

Final Straw

Aww. Back where it all began.

I find myself once again positioned in front of the principal's desk, his forever beady eyes intently staring at me. He takes of his glasses and wipes his eyes looking once more at the paper in front of him. It's the seventh time he's done so, and I've been in here for seventeen minutes of silence. Not a single word out of his mouth.

"You weren't in class at all last week."

"Nope."

"And you left before the Classic last weekend."

"Yup."

He sighs, tossing his glasses on the desk and leaning back in his chair. No, I didn't go to class last week. Like I could really sit in a classroom with Felix holding his victory over my head. Or Jake struggling to console me. Or Nathan desperately wanting to talk to me. Or Lucas's sympathetic stare. Or Peyton's guilty look. Or Brooke's ignorance.

I also skipped out of Karen's. I can't offer the woman an explanation, not a worthy one anyway. Besides, she been nothing but nice to me and if I tell her what happened she's going to feel sorry for me. She's done enough of that as it is. I really don't want her to be disappointed in Lucas because he didn't take up for me. It wasn't Lucas's place. So while she was at the café I grabbed my things and left her a note simply saying thanks and that I was okay.

She tried calling me a few times though. Everyone has it seems. Chris finally stopped, getting the picture that if I need him, I know he's there and I'll find him. I can tell he's hurting to see me so broken even if I am putting up one hell of a front. I got to the point yesterday where I finally had enough and chucked my phone into the river.

Chris did convince me to come to school today though. Graduation is within a month away and it would be really stupid for me to allow Felix to take that away from me too. I knew there would be consequences. For me skipping school. For me quitting cheerleading. At least now, I'm owning up to those mistakes. But I've decided to be honest about everything too.

"Look, I'm sorry." I say after a few minutes of silence. I can tell he's quite surprised. "I know it was very wrong of me to skip school but I've been going through a lot lately."

"I'm listening." He nods after I pause.

"Ever since I trashed the gym my life as continued to downward spiral into a complete train wreck. My parent's kicked me out and that alone threw me over the edge. That's when's I destroyed the trophy case and got arrested again."

"You've had quite the troublesome past." He agrees. "But Miss James, that really no excuse…"

"No, it's not." I stop him, knowing that if I don't get this out now, I never will. "I think you'll notice my grades have improved a great deal. And Jake's got all A's and B's since I've been tutoring him."

"Yes, I have noticed."

"Then I'm going to ask you to do something incredibly hard." I wait to see a reaction and get none, so I suck in my breath and continue. "I would like to continue the reminder of my courses at home."

"That's not possible Miss James." He answers before I can even offer up an explanation.

"Sir please." I beg, leaning forward and biting my lip. "I can't be in class anymore. It's too much for me to handle."

"I don't think you'll be able to handle the curriculum outside the classroom." He responds and I find myself very close to tears.

"Well, I think I'm going to drop out." I inform him, swiping very quickly at my eyes. He looks somewhat taken aback, studying me intently. "There are things, circumstances, which make it very difficult to be around certain classmates of mine."

"Is there something I need to know about Miss James?"

"No, I just need to know what to do to withdraw from school."

X-x-X

I grasp the piece of paper in my hand tightly, working overtime to control my emotions. I couldn't bring myself to tell the principal. Why would he even believe me? No one else does and so there really was no point in dredging that nightmare up just to get shot down once more. School was never really a big deal for me, but I know it's important. And for Felix to take virtually everything away from me, even something I didn't particularly care for, is really hurting me inside.

"Haley?" Chris calls out after me, his lanky figure jogging to catch up with me. I stop in the middle of the quad and rub my eyes before he gets to me. "Where are you going?"

"Home." I reply shortly as he gives me a weary look. "Don't look at me like that."

"You can't keep skipping!" he snaps, latching onto my arm. I look around at the small crowd gathering around us. "You're going to get kicked out."

"I'm not going to get kicked out." I say quietly, hesitantly looking up at his eyes. "I dropped out."

"What?" he asks softly, concerned. "Haley, don't let him do that to you. Don't let him take everything from you."

"But he has!" I scream, gaining everyone else's attention. I'm suddenly bursting into tears and Chris quickly pulls me into his chest. "He has."

"Come on, I'm going to take you home." He tells me reaching down and grabbing his bag. He keeps my head in his chest and glares at all the stares walking me to the car. Opening the door, he gently sets me in the car, bending down to look at me. "We're going to be okay. You know that right? One day, you'll go to sleep and wake up and it won't be so bad."

I nod through me tears. "One day."

X-x-X

I take a seat at the table, pushing my unruly bangs out of my face. I sigh as I reach over and grab a container of salt, pouring it into the several salt shakers in front of me. I repeat the same step with the pepper and proceed to wipe each one down, removing the excess. Next, I take out my pad out of my apron and start counting my measly tips. It's not a whole lot, but at least it's something.

Dropping out of school, I found myself with a lot of extra time. Chris's parents pay for his apartment for the most part but I still feel like I need to pay him some sort of money. Besides, if I'm ever going to get out of this town, away from all of my past, I'm going to need more than the twenty seven dollars in my hot pink piggy bank.

Karen's, I knew wasn't an option anymore. I left her high and dry and without any kind of explanation. I feel awful about it but there's nothing I can do to fix that wrong. Working there ran a high risk of running into Felix, or Nathan, or anyone else from that worthless group. So I had to settle for a small, greasy, and hot diner on the edge of town. It was mostly drunks and truck drivers but it kept me busy and it didn't allow me a whole lot of time to dwell about my crapshoot life.

It's the day shift, Monday through Thursday and graveyard Friday and Saturday. I get Sundays off, usually trying to catch up on my sleep, or sometimes I sing with Chris when my hearts into it. He's still worried about me, and so I am. But working during the day during the week gives me the chance to go to night school afterwards and hopefully in three weeks I'll be getting my GED.

It won't be my diploma, which the rest of my class will be getting two weeks before that, but it's something. And then, at the beginning of June, Chris is hopping on a tour bus to ride across the country. He keeps begging me to go and I have through about it, a lot. I'm not sure if it's something I want to do or if it's something I'll be good at.

"Can I get a table miss?"

"Sure." I automatically respond, grabbing my pad and towel standing up. I haven't even looked at the person in front of me. "Give me just one minute…"

My voice drops off and I suddenly forget how to talk when I look up. I nervously replace my pad in my apron and smooth my slightly wrinkled shirt. My hand goes up to my throat, silently begging it to open up, since it just constricted moments ago. He's standing there with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, just like he always does when he's nervous.

"What are you doing here?" I finally choke out, shuffling to grab a menu and some silverware and setting them down on a nearby table.

"I heard about you quitting school." He takes a seat in the booth and lazily looks over the menu. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Fine." I mumble, glancing around at the empty diner. "What do you want?"

"Do you have a minute?" he sets the menu down and grabs my wrist, leading me sit down in front of him.

"I'm busy."

"Hales, it's dead in here."

"I'm still busy." I retort, standing up. He quickly eases me back down.

"Haley, please. I need to talk to you."

"About what exactly? Going to invite me to you're wedding?" I bite out, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Why are you doing this?" he questions, his brow furrowing in confusion. "I mean, I get that you're angry about me and Brooke and I get that. But quitting school? Don't you think that's a little bit much?"

I stare at him dumbfounded. "So, you think, you _still_ think I'm really making all of this up?"

"I think you believe it…"

"You are not psychoanalyzing me!" I huff slapping the towel in my hand on the table and standing up. "But hey, since we're here."

"Haley."

"No, let's take you for a moment." I yell, putting my hands on my hips. "Is it so much that you believe it really didn't happen or that you didn't believe me? Are you trying to wrap your head around the fact that it did happen and you didn't stop it? You couldn't save me two years ago and you couldn't save me then. I don't want you're goddamn sympathy Nathan."

"That's not it!" he defends, jumping up and I take a step back. "I'm just worried about you."

"Worried about me?" I throw my hands up in frustration and shake my head at the ceiling. After a moment I bring my head down to look at him. "Seriously? You're worried about me now? I don't recall you being too worried when you were calling me pathetic."

"Look, I've thing we've both said some things we don't mean."

"Speak for yourself." I scoff. We stare at each for several moments before we're broken out of our daze by the dinging of a door. "And you brought her."

"Haley." She speaks, nodding in my direction, gently letting the door close. "I was worried about you."

"You don't need worry about me Karen." I sigh, plopping down in the nearest seat. She hesitantly takes a seat across from me. "Really. I'm fine."

"Are you?" she places her hand on top of mine. She goes to speak but stops herself, looking up at Nathan. "Nate, give us a minute, will ya?" he nods, giving me a weary look and walked to the counter taking a seat at the bar. "Lucas won't tell me anything you know. None of them will and I grilled them for over an hour…a piece."

I chuckled despite myself. "Something just got out of hand, that's all."

"That's not all." She soothes, slightly squeezing my hand. "Sweetie, you quit school."

"I didn't quit." I defend, removing my hand from her grasp. "I'm going to night school and I'm doing very well."

"That's not what you wanted though."

"No, but life is nothing but a series of sacrifices. I'll do whatever I need to do to succeed." I reply and she nods in understanding. "Karen, I know you're concern and it really makes me happy that you are. It's something you wouldn't understand and it's not something I want to delve into. But I know that you're there if I need you."

"That's good to know." She stands up and pulls me into her arms. "Because I am here for you Haley."

She kisses my forehead and cups my cheeks before giving a look to Nathan and walking out. I put my head down as he weaves his way through the tables and finally approaches me. I'm not sure what to say to him anymore, and I'm not so sure that I want to. There's been so much said, lies and truth, and misconception and so many hurtful words, I wouldn't know where to go from here.

"I think," I start, cutting him off as he was about to speak. "I think my problem was, I loved you too much. I thought, maybe, you were the one to save me. From myself, from my parents, from my constant downward spiral. Nobody can do that but me though."

"I could've saved you." He whispers placing his hand on my cheek. I smile at him sadly and place my hand over his on my face. "If only you had let me."

"As much as this thing, this whole nightmare has broken me, it's made me really strong. I don't have specific goals but I'm working towards something. And that's a lot more than I could ever say before." I clear my throat, and bite my lip. "We've hurt each other a lot, I know. So I'm going to do this," I reach up and slowly kiss him for a few seconds. "And I'm going to tell you I will always love you. And then I'm going to ask you to never speak to me again."

"You can't do that and say that and expect me…"

"Go."


	27. Progression into Regression

**A/N: Thanks for the absolutely amazing reviews! This chapter, well...here's hoping you wont throw rocks at me when it's done. This story, actually, only has a few more chapters left. I say four or five tops. Then, instead of finishing up all my other stories, I've started writing another one. But I'm not going to post it until I have about ten chapters written; and now I have just under three. It's another Naley so look out for it. So enjoy this chapter and leave some love. Give me some motivation!  
**

Progress into Regression

You know, months ago, right at this very moment I would be in some skimpy skirt, showing too much cleavage, dancing it up with Peyton at Tric. Months ago. Now, I'm relaxed in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajama bottoms and an oversized sweatshirt that I stole from Chris. For once, Chris isn't singing in some seedy bar across town and I have the night off. He's with me and we are officially having a movie night.

Sweet!

"So my big haired friend, what's it going to be?" I ask standing in front of him holding three movies in my hand. "Option A, Walk the Line,"

"Yes!"

I roll my eyes. "Option B, The Notebook."

"Boo!"

I chuck the third movie at him. "And option C, Finding Nemo. My personal favorite."

"Ha-_ley_!" he whines, throwing himself dramatically on the couch and covering his head with a pillow. "That's for babies!"

"Which you oddly resemble at the moment!" I jerk the movie out of his tight grasp and pop it into the DVD player. "Besides, it's my turn since you forced me though Blue Hawaii last Saturday night."

"Look, it's not my fault that you cannot appreciate the King."

"And it's not my fault that you cannot appreciate Ellen DeGeneres." I retort, plopping down on the sofa as he walks into the kitchen. "Anyway, isn't she like a hero for your kind of people?"

"My kind of people? What's that supposed to mean?" he asks dumbly as reaching into the fridge. "As far as I know, she's a hero to that guy Chaz down at the record store, but that's only because he's…oh."

"Did you're gaydar go off on that one Chris?" I turn around to where just my eyes can be scene over the couch. He's glaring at me and I'm trying desperately to stifle the giggle bubbling in my throat. "Hmm?"

"I don't know Haley. As much weird and lesbian vibes you and Peyton gave off, you'd think she'd be you're hero! Oh! I bet you're even a part of her fan club!"

"You're such a loser." I throw the pillow at him which he skillfully avoids by swinging his skinny hips to one side. The damn boy is a beanstalk. I'm so jealous.

"And you love me. So what does that say about you?"

"It says I'm pathetic." I grin, taking some of the popcorn out of the bowl once he sits beside me. "I've learn to deal with it. Embrace it, really. You're still in denial."

"How's school?" he asks, switching the topic to a more serious note.

"It's school Chris. It's boring and useless."

"But you graduate in a week. I want to know how you're doing." He persists and I let out an exasperated sigh. "Is my little Haley going to be Valedictorian of her class?"

I roll my head to the side to look at him. "It doesn't work that way Chris."

"You're doing well though right?"

The thing about Chris and his ever annoying ways is that he's stubborn. He won't let it go until I give him the answer he wants. Or needs to hear. Whatever the case my be. From my understanding, and mind you I'm no shrink, but I think he's feels guilty because he got to graduate with the rest of our class and I didn't. And I feel guilty because I was too much of a coward to go.

Some great friend I am.

"All A's Dad." I slap his chest and nod my head towards the TV. "Now shut up. The movie is coming on."

X-x-X

"I cannot believe you forced me through that movie."

I find myself rolling my eyes for the tenth time. "Chris let it go. I won't tell anyone that you cried when Nemo got kidnapped."

"I had something in my eye!"

"Whatever." I smile bringing our empty plates and bowls into the kitchen.

"Hey, do you have any gum?" he asks standing up and stretching. I point to my bag sitting on the console table and turn my attention back to the dirty dishes in the sink. "What the hell is this?"

"What is what?" I question, turning off the water and then turning to see what he's getting so wound up about. All the color drains from my face. I walk over to him and snatch the bottle from his hands. "That's none of your business."

"None of my business?!" he roars, yanking the bottle out of my hands and walking to sink, dumping the contents out into the soapy water. "Are you just messed up or stupid? Or is it that you're stupid because you're messed up?"

"Would you pop a pill and pipe down?" I snap, sitting on the back of the couch and crossing my arms over my chest. He rubs his hand over his forehead in frustration before knocking a few dishes off the counter. I look at him like he's crazy.

"Pop a pill?" he repeats, kicking at some of the broken glass. "Or would you rather me snort some coke? That would calm me down huh?"

"Well that's kind of impossible since you dumped it in the sink." I point out and he slams his fist on the counter. "Dude, seriously!"

"Why? What the hell are you thinking? Dealing with Rick too no less huh? He's bad news Haley!"

"I'm not stupid Chris!"

"You could've fooled me." He grumbles taking a seat at the breakfast bar. I wait a moment before walking up and slipping up on top of the counter directly beside him. He lays his head down on my lap, hugging me around my waist. "Please tell me why you are doing this."

"I can't sleep. Ever since," my voice slightly cracks as I run my fingers through his hair. "That night, I see it all the time. I can't get it out of my head. And that bastard, every fucking time I close my eyes I see him, hovering over me, holding my hands over my head. That eat shitting grin on his smug face."

He squeezes me tighter. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because of this. Because I didn't want to worry you anymore. You do that enough as it is and it shouldn't be your responsibility." I can tell he's about to protest but I cut him off in the process. "No, listen to me okay? You have been nothing but wonderful and supportive. And everything you do, I appreciate and I thank whatever God up there that you're in my life. But this, the emotional rollercoaster I'm on, I have to deal with. Nothing you do can fix that."

"Rick though Haley? Seriously?" he lifts up his head with a pained expression. "I mean I guess I can understand why you did it. I know it's hard for you. Rick is dangerous. Coke is dangerous. What if you get addicted?"

"I wouldn't get addicted."

"What if you did? Then you find yourself digging your own grave. You think what Felix did to you was bad? Rick gets a hold of you and it'll be so much worse. I've seen what he's done to girls and it's not good. I don't agree with the fact that you're doing drugs but I guess I can't stop you either. But for God's sake, get a different dealer. Rick is not safe."

I wince at the sound of worry and concern in his voice. I cup his chin and pull it up to my face, hesitating before kissing his lips softly. It's long overdue really. I've been feeling this way for a few weeks now. Like how after a long day at work and school, he'll run a bubble bath for me and wash my back. Or how he'll sing to me some nights so I can fall asleep easier. Or how he cuts the edges of my sandwiches with a knife. He's been there every step of the way.

I think I'm falling for him.

Think being the key word there. I don't want to mix up love with the deep gratitude I have towards him for taking care of me. I pull away and I can tell he's quite surprised but guarded at the same time. I am well aware of the fact of how much a screwed up before. That's why this time, I myself, am more guarded and taking things slow. I don't want to mess this up.

"I'm…"

"Sorry?" he fills in, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"No." I shake my head, gulping slightly. "Should I be?"

"Don't feel like you owe me anything for what I've done for you." He says, almost harshly.

"But I do. I will be forever indebted to you. That's not why I kissed you though."

He frowns slightly. "Then why?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" I run my fingers through my oh so short hair. He looks at me dumbly and it's pretty obvious that I do. So instead of being confident I mumble the next words out of my mouth so fast that they end up jumbled together. "BecauseIhavefeelingsforyou."

"What?"

"I have feelings for you." I enunciate more clearly. Awkward silence. "Chris? Say something."

"What do you want me to say to that?"

I stare at him blankly. "I don't know. I just thought since I was feeling them, you should know."

"What kind of feelings?" he asks, leaning back, away from me. "I need you to crystal clear here. Not that avoidance dance you usually do."

"I'm better at that than the hokey pokey." I smile and wink at him. He gives me a weary look. "I feel like, if I let myself, if I took things slow, that possibly, in the near future your feelings towards me could be reciprocated."

"You think?"

"I'm willing to try."

X-x-X

I stretch and grin when I look to my left and see Chris. It was a long night of talking but in the end, we ended up in the same bed and I slept for the first time in months. We didn't have sex; that's just not something I'm quite ready for; not with him. I want to do this right and I can't have something like that fog up my vision. It's right then, looking at him that I know everything is going to be okay.

It has too.

I get up, shrugging off his arm from my waist and throw on my robe. I pad to the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine and pulling food out of the fridge. This is another tradition we started together. We always, no matter what, have Sunday morning breakfast. Even if he's slightly hung over and even if I'm dead tired from work; we carve this time out for us.

Even though we talked a lot last night, there's still a lot of crap in the air between us. I'm dying to ask him about Brooke and I can tell he's aching to know about Nathan. I'm not ready to go there quite yet and whatever happened with Brooke is neither here nor there. Not now. The past, it's just that. Gone. We pick up and learn from our mistakes. That's all.

I start to batter the eggs in the bowl and I even find myself humming. It's something I haven't allowed myself to do in a really long time. Now that I think about it, I haven't allowed myself to be anything but miserable. I guess it's easier that way. I don't have to try so hard to put myself back together. It's simpler to just shove the pieces underneath the proverbial couch.

My brow furrows in confusion when I hear a knock on the door. I wipe my hands off on the apron around my waist and turn the eye of the stove off. I glance down the hallway to Chris's room and I'm satisfied that he's still asleep. And now the person is banging on the door. It's Sunday for goodness sake. It's the day of rest."

"Mom?" I gasp when I fling open the door to find her standing there, along with a no longer pregnant Taylor. "What are you doing here?"

"We checked the insane asylum first but you weren't there." Taylor replies and I step out onto the porch, shutting the door behind me. "You can't even invite us in?"

"It's not my home to invite you into." I snap glaring at her before cutting my eyes to my mother. "I don't have one of those."

"We got word that you quit school." My mother says somewhat nervously. "Do you think that's very wise?"

"Oh my God! Taylor quit school! And got married! And got knocked up! Or maybe she got knocked up, then got married, and then quit school. Who the hell knows? But I didn't quit school."

"Haley!" Taylor seethes. "How do you explain not being at graduation?"

"I dropped out of high school, yes. But I'm getting my GED next week." I explain and my mother looks like she's about to have a heart attack. "Oh would you calm down mom? You haven't been this concerned about me since before Quinn died."

"Haley!"

"No, she's right Taylor." My mother puts her hand on Taylor chest to stop her from advancing towards me. She looks like she's about to cry as she puts her hand to my cheek. I flinch on instinct and she quickly removes her hand. "God, how did we manage to fail you? My baby?"

"It doesn't really matter how you managed to fail me, because you did. All that matters now is how you're going to fix it."

"What can I do?"

"For once, stop assuming I'm a complete failure. And it wouldn't hurt for you to acknowledge my existence once and a while. I'm your daughter too. I know I mess up but give me some credit." I respond and wait for her answer. She opens her mouth but her phone rings and she answers it immediately.

"Jim? Honey? Yes, I'll be home shortly. I'm at the grocery store getting some supplies for tonight's dinner…"

I quietly step inside the house and shut the door, not wanting to hear the rest of my mother's lie. Of course she knocks when she's done but I remain with my back against the door, my eyes watering. Chris walks in the living room and with just some simple looks knows everything. He gently pulls me into his arms and as I begin to sob we sink to the floor.

_"__Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."_


	28. Fear Of Ghosts

**A/N: I was so disappointed with the reviews last chapter. I expected as much which is why this story only has three or four chapters left. I don't need to pull this out any more and make it sucky because no one's reviewing. So special shout out to Katy (sorry you're not liking the chris/haley), naleyluv, and Punk Music Rocks for being the only people to review. That really made my day :). So enjoy and theres a little bit of a cliffhanger and shocker at the end. Review pretty please :)**

Fear Of Ghosts

Growing up, you never really think that your life is going to change and change drastically. Especially when you're a teenage. You think, no you know, that you'll always love those skimpy short shorts. Your favorite band would forever be your favorite and you are always going to be smarter than any adult out there. The only person that knows what's best for you is you. Right now, I remember a time when I loathe even thinking about Monday morning and counted down the seconds to Friday afternoon.

I'm wearing a skirt.

It's Monday morning and I'm wearing a skirt. Not just any skirt; one that comes past my knees. I haven't worn one of these since I was a kid. On the bed behind me there three more and two dresses. Graduation is on Wednesday and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to wear. These are the times it sucks not having my mom or my sister around. Or hell, even Peyton would be somewhat supportive even if it's only just saying how much of a tool I look like.

My mom? My sister? They're the tools. How someone can go from an apology to a lie is beyond me. It's bad enough they haven't noticed me in years, but to sit there and deny my existence in front of my face is just too much. She's ashamed of me and that's her problem. By now, it really doesn't even make a difference. But they should be ashamed of themselves.

It's taken me a lot time to realize, that even with my faults I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. At the end of the day, I'm own person and I'm damn proud of that. Even if it's not what I planned or what my parents planned but it's working out okay. My mom and my dad? They're going to look back and realize that they didn't lose just one daughter when Quinn died. They lost me too.

And maybe I lost myself along the way too. Losing myself, I had to slow down and stop to find it once more. I am the person I was destined to be. I know that now. Even if bad shit happened; that's just life. I can't be angry at what happens. You just got get up and learn how to roll with the punches.

I believe you give people the power to hurt you and right now, very few people have that over me.

"Peyton?" I ask the mirror when I see her skinny ass leaning up against the doorframe to Chris's bedroom.

That would be one of those people.

"Dude, what are you doing in a skirt?" she asks and I roll my eyes and turn around. "Isn't that a bit long?"

"Is there a reason you're here?" I ask shortly, beginning to shimmy out of the skirt leaving me in my bra and underwear. I make sure she gets a good view of my back. "Because last time I checked, I still had your boyfriend's jersey number on my ass and that didn't fly to well with you."

"Well, yeah about that."

"What about it?" I slip a dress over my head and pull it down my body. "Because as much as I've loved you're bashing the past several months, I've think I've had about all I can handle."

"I was wrong."

"Wait. What?"

She groans in her hands dramatically. "I said I was wrong. I blew that whole thing way out of proportion."

"Ya think?" I retort giving her a pointed look. "Yeah Peyton. You were wrong. You were totally out of line. And right now, I could really give a shit if you sorry. It's too little, too late for all that."

"We're engaged." Peyton smiles nervously holding up her hand revealing a small ring.

"Congratulations." I deadpan taking a seat on the bed. "Mazel Tov."

Peyton ignores my tone. "We've been keeping it secret for about a week now. Well, he told Nathan since that's his best friend. And I wanted to tell my best friend before we officially announced it."

She waits for my response and really, honestly? The first thing that comes to mind is to tell her to go fuck herself. But another part of me, the biggest part; the better part wants to tell her the truth. Really, I'm happy for her. I know Lucas is a good guy and I know that he makes her happy and that's something she deserves. Even with her being a bitch, I'll still always think of her as my best friend.

"Well, feel free to shout if from the rooftops." Is what I end up saying. "But I won't hold my breath waiting for a wedding invitation."

"Hales, please."

"Please what?" I cut her off, jumping up. "Cut you some slack? Because you been oh so forgiving towards me?" I dramatically throw my hands over my heart. "Yes Peyton. You're forgiven. Lets be best friends forever!"

"I thought you would be happy for me." She says quietly looking down at the floor. She so blissfully happy that she's gone stupid. "That's was a pretty naïve thought huh?"

"About as stupid as me thinking you would believe me when I said I got raped." I choke out refusing to break eye contact with her. I don't care if the whole world didn't believe me; it's beyond hurtful to know that she and Nathan didn't.

"I don't really know what to believe." She stares down at her Converse and kicks at some clothes on the floor. "I mean you said one thing and Felix and Rachel said something completely else. The way you were acting, I thought you and Felix were together."

"So I wouldn't look like a fool in front of Nathan and Brooke!"

"What was I supposed to do Haley?!"

"You know the really messed up thing?" I'm in tears now, working myself into a state. "The think is, the only reason Rachel said she saw those thing is because I broke up her and Lucas. Why did I break the two of them up? Ask me Peyton!"

She looks away. "I don't know."

"Fuck you!" I shout slapping her face to where she's looking at me now. "I broke them up so you could be with Lucas. My best friend who I loved and trusted more than anyone liked some guy. Some guy she got a goofy grin from. Someone who made her seem happy for the first time since her dad abandoned her. So I just wanted you to keep that. I know how it feels to crash into love and no matter how scary it is, it's the most amazing feeling you've ever felt. I just wanted you to be happy. Funny how that didn't really work out in my favor."

"I'm sorry." She cries, cupping her cheek, stumbling backwards. "I didn't know."

"It's too late Peyton."

"Don't say that." She begs, her head snapping her as she feverishly wipes at her tears. "Haley I'm getting married. You're my best friend. I need you stand beside me."

"The lowest points in my life have been the last few months after you abandoned me. You whine about how people always leave. How does it feel to be the person leaving this time? You want me to stand beside you?" I ask incredulously walking towards her, forcing her to walk backwards into the living room and out the opened front door. "Where the hell were you when I needed you to stand beside me?"

"I…"

I slam the door in her face.

X-x-X

I stare at the sink in front of me and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I push myself off the porcelain and take a seat on the edge of the bathtub with my chin in my hands. My skirt covered knee can't stop shaking and the hair I spent two hours straightening is getting drenched from my sweat. I swallow the bile in my throat and run my hand over my skirt, smoothing it once more.

I spent an hour ironing the damn thing.

It's still wrinkled.

"Babe, you ready to go?" Chris pops his head in the bathroom and gives me a worried look. He then glances towards the sink and gives me another concerned look. "Haley?"

"How am I supposed to do this?" I stare at the sink, trying to control my labored breath. "My hands won't stop shaking and my knees can't stop knocking. This isn't supposed to be this nerve wracking is it?"

"I don't think you're nervous babe." He whispers, crouching in front of me. He takes both my hands in one of his large ones and tucks a stand of hair behind my ear. "I think you're just a little bit sad that it has to be this way."

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right." He winks, smiling at me a little. He glances over his shoulder to the sink once more. "Did you…?"

"No." I answer, sighing. "I wanted to. Just to get me through. So I won't be sitting up there feeling bad because I'm with a bunch of forty years old instead of my class. It won't suck since my parents won't be there. I've been staring at it for the last forty five minutes, struggling and then I just realized that I don't need that."

"What not?"

"Because I have you." I smile, kissing him softly. "And as long as I can look down and see you, that's all I really need."

"That's really good to hear."

I get up and dump the drug in the drain and turn the water on to rinse it down. I bit my lip and turn to him feeling very content at the moment. It's pretty amazing how he just managed to wash away all my fears. I've made a decision about my future and I haven't told him yet but I'm pretty excited about it.

"So you ready for tonight?" he asks standing up, placing his hands on either side of my waist.

"Hell yes!"

"You gonna get up on stage and sing with me?"

"Hell no!"I laugh in his face. He looks at me hopeful and I relent. "Okay, so I'll think about it. I owe you anyway huh?"

"Yeppers." He nods kissing me on my cheek. "We should get going soon. Wouldn't want you to be late to your own graduation now would we?"

X-x-X

I don't even make it all the way in the door before I'm throwing my suffocating 'mom' clothes on the floor to the bedroom. Chris has just dropped me off so he can go to the club to rehearse before tonight. It's a big night, for both of us. Then in a little while I'll meet him there so we can officially celebrate that I, Haley James, have a high school diploma. Or equivalent.

Whatever.

I neatly tuck the piece of paper that guarantees me a job at any McDonalds in my bottom drawer and go in search of more comfortable clothes. Actually, on second that, screw comfortable. It's been months right? And for months I've been covering myself up, feeling dirty and ashamed. This is a new day and the beginning of a new life. I am going out and I am going to be hot.

The whole graduation thing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I prepared myself for the worse and ended up being quite bored with the entire thing by the end. Chris kept me occupied by making goofy faces and dancing in the back of the room. It was quite embarrassing afterwards when I got caught talking about how I pity the person who knew that fool.

I glance at my reflection in the mirror and honestly for the first time I'm not seeing some broken and messed up girl staring back at me. And that; well that feels really good. I've come a long way with a lot of tragedy and heartache and for me to come out on top, despite everything…well lets just say I'm giving myself a nice pat on the back right about now.

An hour later, I'm just slipping on my mini skirt when I hear the front door slam. Immediately I sense something wrong considering nobody is supposed to just be waltzing in there. I grab the golf club in the corner of the room that Chris never uses and raise it over my head, waiting for the person to come in. I scream and sigh when Chris opens the door looking a little bit worse for the wear.

"Jesus Chris. What the fuck?" I ask tossing the golf club back in the corner. "I was just about to leave."

"Haley."

"I'm not late am I?" I continue to ramble, slipping my hoop earrings through my ears, completely oblivious to Chris's bewildered state. I stop when I see that he's just standing there with a blank look on his face and he's not saying anything. "Chris?"

"Haley. I think you need to sit down." He says in more of a commanding tone than anything else. So I look at him concerned and take a seat on the edge of the bed. "You're not going to like this…"

I immediately jump up. "Then I think I'll stand."

"We were practicing at the club and there was an accident."

"What?" I quickly walk over to him, inspecting every inch of him, becoming hysterical. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt? What kind of accident?"

He grimaces and pushes me back slightly keeping his hands on my upper arms. I'm searching his eyes wondering what is going on. He looks scared almost and I can't figure out what's wrong. He doesn't look hurt, he's not bleeding…then it hits me. Someone else was in an accident. But…God, who?

"What, what kind of accident?" I ask more calming, swallowing the lump in my throat. He looks away from me and I grab his chin and make him look at me. "Chris?"

"A car accident. In front of the club." He elaborates and I notice that he's begun to rub the pad of his thumb across my skin. "It all happened so fast Haley." He sucks in his breath looking around like an answer is going to pop out of the sky. "But Nathan's okay."

"Nathan?" I feel like I'm going to faint. But he's okay so I can be relieved. So why is Chris still looking like that? "He's fine Chris. So what aren't you telling me? There's something right?"

"He wasn't alone."My eyebrows shot up and my eyes begin to water.

"Then who was with him?" It's like I can already tell this is going to knock me off my rocker. "Chris, now would be a good time to answer."

"Felix." He whispers, studying me for my reaction. I have none. "Haley, he's dead. He died on impact."

How do I feel about that?


	29. The Truth Doesn't Make a Noise

**A/N: Well...I think the next chapter will be the last. :(. Maybe the next to last. I've just about got everything wrapped up for this story. This chapter has a bit of a twist at the end and for all you Naley fans, you'll be happy. Everything will be nice and neat by the end of the story, I promise. So enjoy and thank you all for your reviews last chapter. Leave me some more please :)**

The Truth Doesn't Make a Noise

It's such a miserable day. Rain is pouring down around me and for some odd reason, it feels almost fitting. It's a very depressing situation. After so long, I think I've become numb. I still don't know how to feel about it. I thought if I came, if I saw proof, it would give me something to go on. I'm watching and still, I feel absolutely nothing. I guess it hasn't really hit me yet.

It's his funeral today and after much deliberation I came. I'm standing underneath the tall oak tree; the same one that I stood by myself at Quinn's funeral. It's far enough away that I won't be seen but I can see everything going on. There's so many people here and I wonder if I'm the only one who really knew what kind of person he was. I realize that I probably am. I stand alone on that.

Much like I usually do.

Nathan was in the hospital for a few days I know, but I could never bring myself to go and see him. As far as I know, he just banged up his knee real bad and had a slight concussion. At least he's not the dead one. I assume he just got out today to make it in time for one of his best friend's funeral. He's holding Brooke's hand on one side and Felix's mom on the other. How fitting.

From what I gathered from what Chris told me and from what the news reported is Felix was driving and got distracted somehow. He had been drinking, along with Nathan and something went wrong, or he passed out, no one's really sure. They were speeding and before anyone could react they ran a red light and a truck slammed into the driver's side. Nathan was knocked unconscious, the other driver nearly died from internal injuries and Felix died on impact. Didn't hurt, didn't suffer. Just died.

Poof.

Gone.

All my problems solved right? Wrong. This by no means gives me closure. I thought it would. For the last several days I've done nothing but think and sit around and wait for relief to hit me. Chris thinks this is a good turning point for me and I let him. I wasn't waiting for something to happen to make all this right again. I just accepted it wouldn't. Right now they're lowering his crisp white casket into the green ground around it and I'm still waiting for that absolution that will never come.

Truth is, this was an injustice. Truth be told, most days even lately when things have been somewhat good, I still wish I could just disappear. And it's him they're burying in the ground. He didn't get punished in the slightest. So no, he didn't get what he deserved. He won't forever endure pain or have to carry a weight on their heart. In my opinion, the truth is, he got off real easy.

The rain is letting up just as they begin to dump the dirt in the ground. The crowd around his resting place disperses and I readjust the cap on my head and pull my jacket closer around my body. That's about all the closure I'm going to get from this. No, I may not see him walking down the street but I will probably forever hear his voice in my ear, his face in my thoughts, and his hands on my body.

"Haley!"

I stop and wait for him to catch up with me. I suspect this is going to be a rerun of everybody else and I don't really care anymore. This is just not something that matters. Regardless of what happened or didn't happen to Felix, I've still moved on. What happened then and the aftermath of it, is still with me everyday. But I'm learning to let it go. I'm struggling to pick up the pieces. All this other stuff; it wasn't there when I needed it the most.

"Lucas." I smile sadly turning around to face him, hugging my body. He shuffles his feet and kicks at some of the leaves on the ground. "Is there something you needed to say?"

"I just wanted to know how you were doing."

"Peachy Luke." I snap. I am so sick of everyone asking me how I'm doing. "I mean why do you ask? I should be doing just great since nothing bad has happened to me or anything right?"

"Peyton said she talked to you." He says ignoring my small outburst. "She said she told you the news but you weren't too happy about it."

"No, that's where she's wrong. I didn't say I wasn't happy about it. I said I didn't give a shit. She's not my friend anymore."

"Look, I just think that especially now, everything needs to be put behind us."

I stare at him in disbelief. "Especially now? What since Felix died? That bastard didn't just deserve to die. He deserved to suffer! His crime went unpunished and he got off scot free. And why do you think that is? Maybe because nobody believed me!"

"Whoa, just calm down." He tells me putting his hands on my arms and looking around to make sure I'm not causing a scene. "I'm sorry okay?"

"No Luke, it's not okay." I push him off of me and take a step back. "Nothing's okay. Nothing has been okay. So stop saying okay. Okay?"

"I dated Rachel for a year and a half." He says out of no where and I give him a weary look. "You know, I let myself think that she wasn't cheating on me but deep down, I knew that she was. I thought I was in love though. I know when she's lying. She's really good at it, believe me, but I can still tell."

"And?"

"At her cabin, she was lying. She didn't see what she said she saw." He tells me and I slap him to which he barely flinches. "Yeah, I deserved that."

"Why didn't you say anything?!"

"Because I was stupid. And selfish. And because of Peyton and Nathan and Brooke and everyone else. I didn't want to tear anyone apart."

"Unbelievable." I mutter, beginning to pace back and forth. I stop and look at him, shaking my head. "So let me get this straight. You wanted to appease Peyton, win the state championship satisfying you and Nathan, and you were just born stupid? You didn't want to tear your group apart but you had no problem letting them tear me apart did you?"

"I know. I know I screwed up. I just didn't know how to fix it." He responds, getting choked up. "I know I can't fix it. Its just deep down, I didn't want to believe the worse. I didn't think Rachel would sink so low. Felix, I've known him my whole life and I never thought he would do something so horrible."

"But you had no problem thinking that I would lie did you?" I fill in, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I really hate myself right now, feeling like I'm about to cry. "You know, I can't do this with everybody. You can clear your conscious Luke. Don't worry about me."

I look past Lucas to see Peyton slowly making her way up to the two of us. I duck my head down for a moment to get my shit together and look up just in time to see her saunter up and slid her hand in his. He kisses her forehead and then they both look in my direction. Like some epiphany is going to fly out of my mouth at any moment. This is just not something I can take anymore.

So I give them exactly what they want.

My grand epiphany?

"The two of you deserve one another."

X-x-X

Remember me telling you how I never much was a believer in God? I still don't. Not really. I believe there's something higher, way, _way_ over my head but a loving and gentle and forgiving God? No way. My mom and my dad always said that God created everyone equal and that if I did nothing too terrible; if I were a good girl only good things should happen to me.

Key word: _should_.

God created all men equal. Outside of the womb he starts playing favorites.

I keep telling myself that he's rotting in hell, chained to a rock, a raven picking out his liver or his heart. Or even his penis. I don't know. Just something to get me through the fact that he raped me and now he's dead and I don't feel satisfied. And I know what's going help me. There are a few things and none of them are anything I'm prepared to do.

I slip off my flip flops and roll up my jeans, cuffing them half way up my calf. Dropping the shoes and my hat to the ground I step into the cooling sand and walk the edge of the water until I reach him. It's overcast still and the wind is blowing in my face as we face the ocean in front of us. He doesn't say anything, just quietly slips his hand into mine.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." He confirms, slightly gripping my hand tighter. "I didn't think you would show up."

"I uh," I clear my throat and let go of his hand. "I got your note. I didn't really seem the harm in it."

"You'd think by now we'd realize we're quite the explosive pair." He smirks, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Or least that fire would have burned out."

"You'd think." I repeat quietly, nodding my head slightly. We stay silent for several moments, just watching and listening to the waves crash down in front of us. I step away from him put my bare feet into the water, testing it somewhat; knowing I'm about test the proverbial waters as well. I turn my head over my shoulder and give him a melancholy smile. "You know don't you? The truth?"

He doesn't even have to say anything. I knew at the funeral. His stoic, rigid face said it all. I got the note this morning, via Jake, and it took me a solid hour to get up the courage to read it. I recognized the sloppy handwriting instantly and nearly threw it away. And once I read it, I guess I realized that this thing, it had to stop and it had to stop now.

With him.

"Haley, I,"

"Stop." I throw my hand up and shake my head. "Don't go there."

"I feel so stupid."

"Yeah." Is all I can manage to say before I'm getting choked up on my emotions. I hate crying. "He told you?"

"Peyton came to me. She said that I needed to find out the truth." He tells me and I look up, biting my lip and wait for him to finish. "That's all she said. I kept thinking of what she could possibly mean and then I guess it kinda hit me."

"So you went to confront him?"

"No." he shakes his head and looks out onto the horizon. "I knew she was talking about you. And as much as I'm ashamed to admit it, I still didn't have complete faith in what you were saying."

"Well that figures." I scoff.

"Most of the night is still a blur to me." He goes on and takes a minute to suck in his breath and sigh. "I mean I know I didn't drink that much but I made sure to pour drink after drink into him. I knew that once he got drunk he would get cocky. All I would have to do is mention your name."

I'm not sure if I want to hear the rest of it. But like I said before there are things I need to do in order to fix this and unfortunately, this is going to have to be a part of it. It may seem really unfair or maybe it's just me being stupid but unlike everyone else, I'm all ears to hear his explanation. Maybe even to hear his apology. I haven't really decided it yet but there's just something about him that I have this unhealthy desire to make right.

"What did he say?" I manage to get out. Silence. "What did he say Nathan?"

"We were talking about the girls we had been with." He grimaces, even saying it painfully. "And how we liked it. I told him I liked it a little bit rough and he just laughed. I said that the girls I had been with were way better than the girls he had been with. Just stupid jock shit."

"Yeah, you really could say that again."

"He said there was no way that I had ever been with you because if I had, then I would have never given you up. That's not what he said that night. He said,"

"Believe me; I'm well aware of what he said." I spit out, effectively cutting him off. "Even better of what he did. So please spare me those details."

"Haley, I'm trying here." He exasperates, running his fingers through his hair. "I know I screwed up. I know I can't ever make that up to you or make it better. But I am trying to give you something, anything to make it a little bit better for you. Because I'm looking at you now and how hurt and broken you look and it's killing me."

"Stop."

"It's killing me because I know if I pull you into my arms you'll shove me away. I know I can't say that I'll protect you because you won't believe me. It'll be a lie. Because I didn't protect you and I didn't keep you safe."

"Nathan, please stop." I beg, sobbing. Before I can even think about it, he's wrapping his arms around me and I'm not pushing him away. It's mostly Felix's fault yes. But everything any one of us did added up to make this happen.

Fucking kismet.

I pull away from him. "Finish you're story."

"I called him out on it." He says after a moment and him swiping at his eyes. "He basically told me to go fuck myself. We start arguing back and forth and then he goes to get in his car so I get in with him. I try to get the keys from him but he manages to crank up the car and go anyway."

I get a bad feeling.

"The accident. It wasn't an accident was it?"

"It was." He admits and then gives me a pointed look. "Sorta. The bastard just sat there and with this eat shitting grin told me that he did it. He was so fucking smug about it. I didn't even think about it. I just punched him. Then we hit the pole and I blacked out. I heard the sirens and I woke up and saw him lying on the steering wheel."

I wince at the thought.

"It's a good thing he died."

"Take it back." I whisper. I take a step closer to him and place both my palms against his, slowly intwining our fingers.

I have no idea what I'm about to do.

"No, because if he hadn't of died I would've killed him with my bare hands…"

I shake my head. "No, I need you to take back what he took." I reach up and pull his shirt to me, kissing him forcefully on the lips. "Take it back Nathan."


	30. Words, Hands, Hearts

**A/N: Thanks for the amazing reviews. The next chapter will the the epilogue. The final chapter. Don't freak out at the end because I wrote it this way. It'll be cleared up next chapter. So enjoy and leave me love. Song and title by Yellowcard. **

Words, Hands, Hearts

_The whole world was sleeping and I was there_

_You could just sense this feeling in the air_

_Like no one's words were good enough_

_To define what we fear_

_And no one's words were strong enough_

_To fix what happened here_

Six months ago, I was on top of the world. I didn't have any cares or any worries other than thinking up what havoc to reek next. Six months ago, I was a completely different person. I was fearless and vulnerable. Every single second was lived on a complete whim. The wind took me where it wanted to and I was more than happy to float along in my dream.

The funny thing about dreams are they don't always come true. They're a grand commodity to get us through the day when nothing else will. The moment Felix entered me, I stopped dreaming. It may be naïve, and that's okay. But no matter how much I dreamed, or hoped, or even prayed the aftermath never really went away. I just got really good at hiding what I was feeling; what I was thinking; and what I was doing.

I only knew one way to deal with things. Something bad happens, I self destruct. The first birthday my parents missed, I went and got my first tattoo. Right after my break up with Nathan, the first time I saw him holding hands with Brooke was the first time I got arrested. Why did I trash the gym that night? What possibly set me off make me spiral into this world that I wasn't quite prepared for?

The anniversary of my sister's death.

All of this, because I was pissed that my sister had to die. I wonder now, even after everything that happened would she be proud of me. I think, even with my faults, she would be. Because even though I feel absolutely weak and scared most days, I've come to realize that I am strong. I have to be otherwise I never would've survived the previous month.

And I'm going to have to be strong now. It's around three or four AM, I'm not really sure. I'm sitting wrapped up in a small blanket and nothing else, sitting on the deck swing. Nathan's inside sleeping still, and if I have any luck left, he'll remain there as I watch the waves and enjoy the cool night breeze. I'm just not quite ready to face him yet. I haven't figured out if this was a mistake.

Deep down, I know that it wasn't. Even if it was wrong, it wasn't a mistake. I haven't even figured out why I did it; why I thought it would make everything better. It did, somewhat. It eased some of the pain and cleansed my soul. All the words and apologies and excuses I've heard from the past week, didn't even compare to the actions that were taken just a few hours ago.

_Lead on to save me lead us all there_

_Find me some answers one nation beware_

_Can't tell the difference between myth and man_

_Or what's necessary or where I should stand_

"This looks familiar." He says from the doorway. I nod silently as he takes a seat beside me and I rest my head on his shoulder. "You did the exact same thing the last time."

"I wanted this moment back." I say softly, letting my hand fall into his. "I wanted all of this back."

"And to think," he chuckles slightly, almost to himself. "I almost let myself forget about what I love about you."

"You know this doesn't change anything right?"

"I know." He kisses my forehead and moves his arm around my shoulders so I can settle in the crook of his arm. "But it changes everything."

"Do you remember the day the car broke down out here and we had to walk all the way back in town?"

"And then we got lost…"

"You got lost." I correct laughing. "Then we found the playground…"

"That you just had to play on." He finishes grinning at the thought. "You got on the monkey bars and hung upside down. I kissed you for the first time that night."

I smile at the memory.

"You were wearing your strawberry lip gloss and chewing the melon gum. You tasted so good." He tells me and I continue to look at him in contentment. "I knew you would."

"Did you?"

"You're hair always smelled like watermelon and coconut. If you smelled that good, I knew you were going to taste even better." He explains smirking at me. "Can we talk about this? I know you don't like to, but if this really is it then I think we both deserve the closure between us."

I agree. I don't say that at first though. I'm afraid of all the whole feelings rearing their ugly head just in time for me to screw things up. My relationship, or almost relationship, whatever it is with Chris is probably down the tubes now and I honestly regret that part. But I can't really think about that and yes, I know that makes me selfish. I can't be in love with someone else until I'm able to heal myself.

And it starts with forgiving Nathan.

Peyton.

Lucas.

Brooke.

Rachel.

…Felix.

Life will never move forward for me no matter how fast I move if I can't let go of this. No, what I mean is, well, it'll never go away. Like how, if you break a glass and you search for all the pieces and painstakingly glue each portion to the other, making it whole again. But there's always that one small chip that got lost somewhere along the way. I'll forever search for that chip even though I know I won't find it.

Moving on with my future, I have to let go of my past. Step one; I decided what I wanted my future to be; who I wanted it to be with. Step two; I fixed Haley. She's now someone I'm really proud to be. Even at this moment. Step three; fix the past. Never forget, but learn to forgive. Even if it takes the rest of your life you keep trying. There is triumph in the struggle. Even if it's just the consolation prize of 'I did my very best.'

The first person on my list? Myself. Numero uno. I can't go back and change anything but I've grown and I've matured. Never will I be that stupid and that adolescent again. Everyone else will be quite the feat. It's a daunting task and I'm sure I'll stumble a lot more than I'll succeed but slowly, I'm positive at some point they're transgressions will be forgiven and I can move on from that as well.

_The whole world is watching with one blank stare_

_I can just sense this feeling of ill repair_

_Like no one's heart is full enough_

_To keep away this fear_

_And no one's heart is strong enough_

_To fix what happened here_

Felix. How do you forgive a monster? Rape just isn't about the physical aspect. It's about the control and the power. It doesn't just violate your body; it invades your very soul. It seems that every experience previous and any new ones in the future will be tainted by something you had no control over. A person you couldn't fight but who wasn't stronger. He was a coward and he was weak and at the end of the day I don't hate him.

I just hate what he did.

I feel sorry for him. I have to force myself to think about him as a human being. He was someone's son. A brother. A friend. A teenager. A future father. Husband. As humans, we make mistakes. We're genetically predisposited to be screw ups. Felix was sick and he had issues and he didn't know how to handle them. I am by no means making excuses for him but in order to forgive I have to try to understand and that in itself seems impossible most days.

"Are you still with Brooke?" I ask him, cursing myself for not asking him the previous night. I already know the answer though and it makes me feel that much worse. "Why did you agree to last night then?

"I tried a millions times to save you," he pauses, searching for the right words. "You never let me. I was so helplessly in love with you. Even though you were covered in issues, it was impossible not to love you. I kept telling myself that it was just puppy love that it wasn't that big of a deal. Every time you kissed me or touched me, I would feel it deep down in my soul."

I bit my lip and squint my eyes to try and contain the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. He's always so sincere in what he says to me. Even when he's being harsh, it still makes me admire his integrity. I know he falters in that too, but like I said before; he's just proving he's human. He brushes a few stray hairs from my face and taps my nose.

"Every time I tried to reach you, you would pull away. Sometimes I got so close I could practically feel the warmth from your soul and then you would pull away so fast that it left me spinning. Last night when you asked me, I should've said no. But it was the first time you came to me; the first time you wanted me to save you; the first time you were going to allow me to save you. I had to." He whispers earnestly, kissing me softly on the lips.

"Will you promise me a few things?"

"Anything?"

"Don't tell Brooke." I tell him firstly, catching him off guard. "Yeah, she's not my cup of tea but if you really love her, then don't bring this up to destroy that. What happened last night, as wonderful as it was, doesn't change what happened or who we are. I think we'll always love one another but right now we're just not destined to be together."

"What else?" he questions without missing a beat. "I'll promise almost anything and do whatever it takes to make it happen."

"I know you feel guilty but don't. I lied to you a lot and even though it didn't merit what happened, I don't really blame you either. You saved me last night you know? I needed that back. So one day I'll forgive you. I'll forgive everyone else. I'll be better then and I will have put this all behind me."

"I won't forgive myself Haley." He responds and I caress his cheek gently. "And there's nothing you could say or do to make me. Deep down, you've always been a good person and that should've never happened to you. Even if you're not mine, I still love you. I still should've protected you."

"You're protecting me now."

_So do we dare now_

_Raise our voices loud_

_We're searching for something that cannot be found_

_I hear open mouths_

_And I see open hands_

_But the blinded and silent I can't understand_

Now comes the hardest thing I've probably ever had to do. I really have to own up to my actions and accept the consequences. I'm about to intentionally hurt, for the second time, the guy I could possibly allow myself to fall in love with. If he doesn't understand, then of course I'm going to understand that he doesn't. It was something I had to do and hopefully that's something he'll latch onto.

He's sitting at the counter when I walk in sometime later, nursing what I'm going to assume to be whiskey; his liquor of choice. It's only six thirty in the morning but its noon somewhere and hell, I can't really blame him. I shrug off my jacket and let if fall to the floor, slipping up on the barstool beside him. Taking the cup out of his hands and set it on the other side of me.

"You went to him, didn't you?" he says, already knowing the answer. He clasps his hands together in front of him on the counter, rubbing one thumb over the other. "I feel like such a pussy for wanting to cry."

"You're not." I murmur, hesitating to place my hand on top of his. I breathe a sigh of relief when he doesn't immediately jerk them away. "Will you let me explain?"

He looks up and kinks his head to the side to gaze at me. "I got mad at you before because you didn't love me back. It was out of line and stupid because you can't force someone to love you. I shoved you out of my life, along with everyone else and look what happened to you. So yes, you get a change to explain."

I gulp and wait a few moments to gather my thoughts. I have to tell him the truth; no holding back. If there is going to be a future with us, we're going into this with our eyes wide open. It's not going to be another repeat of my relationship with Nathan; constant games and secrets. I'm not going to allow myself feel like I'm not good enough or push Chris away. I want this too much.

"I want to say I love you," I begin and stop myself. "And that would be really cliché and it's not something you're going to want to hear when I tell you the truth. You're my best friend and there is nothing that you have done or haven't done that has made me feel anything but love and gratefulness towards you."

"You slept with him, didn't you?"

"Yes." I sigh softly, not even stopping the tears from falling. He goes to get up but I latch onto him, forcing him to stay in place. "Chris please. You said you would let me explain. I need you to understand this."

"Understand what?!" he booms removing himself from my grasp and stumbling backwards. "Haley that asshole didn't believe you! He called you pathetic! I dropped everything at a moment's notice and was there! No questions asked! Tell me then. Tell me right now what you're grand reasoning was behind all this."

"I never told you about him, did I? You were gone that summer remember? You're hippie parents wanted you to tour the country with them and sing in their band. I was alone and then he came along. I crash into it so fast, I didn't even realize what it was until it was pretty much over. I loved him Chris. I probably always will." I hate that I'm hurting him. "Then one night, kissing lead to something…more. And it was scary and amazing and it was my first and only time; until…"

"Until Felix." We both finish at the same time. "I thought…"

"It's okay."I nod sadly. "You thought the same as everyone else. Felix took that whole thing away from me. I needed it back. I just wanted it to be over; I wanted to start over…"

"So why not with me?"

"You already saved me Chris; I needed him to save me. He never got the chance. Other than that, I just thought that since Felix is dead I could really start over. Just go back and begin new. But I still needed that experience with Nathan. Right now, I still need him to be my one and only. I can't explain that, not really. But if there's ever going to be a chance with us, when that time comes I need it to be meaningful. It will be, I promise. Because I won't be torn apart by bad memories."

I don't tell him everything. I can't tell him how much I cried the previous night. How even though I knew it was Nathan making love to me, it was such an absolutely terrifying experience. Nathan needed to do it though, to help me through it; to finally save me. It set his conscious at ease. But Chris? As much as we've been through together, I could never put him through such an ordeal.

"I promise you, with every fiber in my body that that chapter in my life is over with. I don't expect you to forgive me, not yet, maybe not ever but I hope you consider it."

"I just, I need some time to think." He mutters, grabbing his jacket. I don't even bother to conceal my hysterics. "Haley."

"Yeah?" I sob, forcing myself to look up. He slumps his shoulders and walks towards me, enveloping me into his arms. "Chris, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to do this. I have to fix me so I could be good for you. I want to be the best I can for you." I cry into his chest.

He cups my face. "Then we'll get through this won't we?"


	31. Epilogue

**A/N: this is the ending guys and I wanted to thank each and every one of you who stuck through it even though I said it wouldn't be a happy Naley. Although, I think you'll be surprised with my ending ;). Enjoy and leave me some love.  
**

Epilogue

"Five minutes Haley."

I nod my head and focus my attention back to the mirror in front of me. I smile, and brush a few stands of hair out of my face. The past few months have been somewhat of a whirlwind experience for me. When I got my GED I thought I might do something useful, like go to college. But it wasn't my dream, not really. I have talent, it's real and it's raw and it's something I love to do. So I packed up my bags and held Chris's hand as we boarded a tour bus to take us on the next leg of our journey.

It's hasn't been easy, not by a long shot. I've realized though, nothing really ever is.

"You ready for our duet, H. James?" Chris asks, snaking his head into my dressing room.

"Almost." I grin, winking at him before he shuts the door behind him.

The thing with Chris? Well…I'm happy to say that we worked things out. Somehow, I made him understand what happened with Nathan even if it was something I really didn't. I will never be able to show him how sorry I am for what I did; for how I hurt him but I will always look down on myself a little bit more for doing it. Even if it was something I had to do. It took some time, but in the end we were able to overcome everything.

And that lasted for about five minutes.

Touring is crazy and as much as we love one another, being in cramped confines all day, everyday, forcing you to get to know things you didn't really want to know about a person took its toll on us fairly quickly. We tried though, and maybe under different circumstances, it might have worked. Maybe for ten minutes. But it was something we both wanted, we both decided, and were both content and happy with. Even if it was somewhat painful to give up so quickly what we had just discovered.

It seemed at first, we gave up because maybe I hadn't healed enough or because he couldn't forgive me. At one point I sat down and wrote down everything it had taken for us to be together. It severely outweighed the reason why we broke up. I think it was a little bit of everything though. We ended up fighting sometimes and pissing one another off and it just wasn't worth it for us to make each other miserable. Everything we went through, was worth the small amount of time we were together.

I wouldn't have healed though without him holding my hand every step of the way. There were some dark days in the beginning. I still had trouble sleeping and for a while there it seemed like Felix was haunting my dreams. Even in broad daylight, my mind would play tricks on me and I think I see him. It was especially terrible when I would be performing and see his face in the crowed. But Chris never gave up and I'm thankful for him every single day.

I sigh and get up, grabbing my guitar on my way out the door. Tonight we're actually back in North Carolina and it's a little weird to say, but I'm happy to be back. It's been a long time since we've left Tree Hill for bigger and better things, running away from our past. I walk up towards the stage and Chris extends his hand for me to take. He helps me up on stage and I strap on my guitar, smiling out into the audience.

These are the moments I live for.

X-x-X

"That could use a little work."

"Wait a minute Chris. Wasn't it your voice that cracked out there?" I muse and he gives me a solemn look. "Sore subject?"

"A bit." He nods throwing himself down on the couch in my dressing room. "So what's the party agenda for this evening?"

"Sleep." I groan, plopping face down on the opposing couch. I turn my head to face him. "I'm so tired. We've been going non stop."

"Yeah, but it's still amazing."

"That I would to agree with."

I've never regretted once the path in life I choose. It's been a whirlwind to say the least but it's the very thing that's stilling a desire I didn't know I had. I always knew I was at least decent at music but for me to be on a tour bus, on stage, writing my own songs, and signing autographs…it's just something I never expected. One thing is for sure though. I've been happier than I've ever been.

"Hey Chris?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you regret anything?" I ask, pushing a pillow underneath my chest to prop myself up a bit. "Like life in general?"

"You mean besides not legally naming myself something like Elvis?" he quirks up his eyebrow and gives me a toothy grin. "Why, what are you regretting?"

"I was just wondering if you're happy."

He ponders for a moment before answering. "I think I am. I'm mean, nights at Tric were great but this, and this is a whole other ball field. I'm living, breathing, and enjoying every minute of my dream. This is my dream Hales. I couldn't ask for much more. Except for the recording contract they offered me."

"Wait. What?" It takes me a minute to catch on to what he's saying. My eyes get wide as saucers and I jump up screaming like a girl and flinging myself into his arms. "Chris! Oh my God. That's incredible! How stoked are you?"

He simple shrugs. "I knew it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time before they latched onto the Keller."

"Don't be so full of yourself Keller." I laugh at his cockiness and playfully shove his chest. I surprise him with a kiss on the lips and he quickly kinks up his eyebrow in interest. "Don't let your ego get the best of you. It was just a congratulatory kiss. That's all."

"You know you want me." He smirks and I push myself off of him and walk towards the door opening it up for him. "What? You want me to leave?"

"And gee, here I was thinking you were another dumb blonde." I place on finger on my chin and give him a cheeky grin. I turn around to face the door when I hear someone clear their throat. Oh my God. "Nathan?"

X-x-X

I thought things were going to be awkward when Chris and I broke up. This is just…weird. We've been silent the entire time we've been walking around Duke's campus. It's around three in the morning and I don't know what to say to him. I don't even know why he's here. It's shocking to say the least. I mean, it's been months since we spent our night together.

"Are you going to tell me what you're doing here?" I finally ask and he stops to shove his hands in his pockets. "I mean I know you go to school here but that doesn't mean you have to show up at my dressing room."

"I saw a flyer." He explains, shrugging his shoulders. "And I thought it might be a good idea to see you. See how you were doing."

"Did Lucas and Peyton get married?" I divert the questions off of me and begin to start walking again. "They're not my favorite people but it would be nice to know if they're okay and happy."

"They did. This summer actually. They're in LA; Peyton got an internship at some record label and Lucas followed her to pursue writing his book. They seem really happy."

"And you? Are you happy?" I question despite myself. "I got some of your games on the tube."

"I'm good." He nods, plastering an odd look on his face. "Basketball is good."

"Brooke is good." I fill in for him and he blows out his breath. "Brooke isn't good?"

"I don't want you to think what I'm about to say has anything to do with me being here and seeing you. Brooke and I broke up. She went off to New York to pursue fashion and I came here. We're still friends though. Last I heard, she was living it up."

"Wow. How'd you're parents react to that one?"

"They dealt with it." He says indifferently and motions for me to take a seat on the bench. "So now I want you to tell me how you dealt with it."

"Dealt with your break up with Brooke?" I tease, taking a seat. He gives me a pointed look and I throw up my hands in defeat. "I'm fine. I promise. It hasn't been a walk in the park but I moved on. I learned to forgive pretty much everyone. Even you. I'm still working on forgiving Felix. Which, that may take my whole life and never get accomplished."

He brushes some stands of hair out of my face and catches me off guard when he pulls me into a hug. No matter what happened, or how much time has passed, I somehow always feel safest in his arms. So much history has happened between us though. There's a small part of me that wants to believe that he wants something more and a bigger part that somewhat wants it too.

"How are things with Chris?" he asks, pulling away but keeping his arm slung over my shoulder.

"He's good. He just told me that he got a recording contract so I'm really happy for him." I pause, wondering if it's a good idea to tell him about me not being with him. "We're not together anymore though, not like that. I mean, he'll always be my best friend and I care a great deal about him but it wasn't…there. You know?"

"Like it was with us?"

"Yeah, like it was with us." I whisper softly biting my lower lip. "I've missed you. It's like after we broke up, I didn't really think about you, about us. But once you were in my life again I couldn't stop thinking about you. You should know, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for you."

He smiles and I lean my head on his shoulder. "Do you think there'll ever be hope for us?"

"Now? No." I confess honestly. "I have dreams to remember. I need to pursue those and learn how to be happy all by myself before I can let anyone else do it for me. I have to learn not to be selfish and not be so stubborn. You have things you need to do too. I mean, you've got this whole Duke basketball hot shot thing going for you."

"But one day?"

"Close your eyes." I command, slipping the scarf from the neck and tying it over his eyes. I kiss him softly and lean in real close to his ear.

"Hales?"

"One day."


	32. Authors Note

Hey guys...I know it's been eons since I've update any of my stories. My world kind of exploded eight months ago and I lost all inspiration. I'm terribly sorry. However, after reviewing my stories, I plan to revamp some old ones and start writing again. So bear with me and I'll try to start writing again. Thanks, Amanda 


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